Keep walking forward

As typical of having been on vacation, I came home to a to do list longer than my arm.   Included in this was standing up for myself in a couple forums.  One with someone close to me, who is aging, and not a force to be reckoned with, another being the car rental place who tried charging me $179 more than what was contracted for.      I’m a passive person by nature.  I hate confrontation, but I’ve learned that in order to be in business for myself, and in order to take care of myself, I have to learn to do so.

Prayed the whole time I was handling both situations.    The first one was hardest, telling someone what they are saying is false, untrue,  no matter how strongly they rebelled against it.  And keeping my cool when I was being accused of something that I didn’t do, or would never do!   I think we were both shocked at how I handled the situation.  While I will lose some money in the deal, it is nothing compared to what could have been lost, had I not stood up for myself.  I will recover from this.     And I took NO satisfaction in having to tell someone I care about that what they believe to be true, was in fact, untrue.  But I did it.

Alongside that is the realization and reality that they are losing ground.   It’s easy to take others for granted, I mean, we do that to live.   We assume when we leave our yards, that all drivers we come in contact with are sober, able, and alert.    We have to drive defensively, and consciously, but we can’t leave our yard on a daily basis and think about the possible dangers of accidents, and sadly, more recently terrorists.

I was cleaning my studio and heard gun shots.   Now, I’ve lived around guns my entire life.   In past I wouldn’t think even twice about it, but not anymore.  I stop what I am doing and listen.   Say a prayer, and then try to move beyond what could be disastrous fear.    We have to have faith that we will go do our errands, go enjoy our vacation, if we are fortunate enough to have that opportunity, and know we will be home afterwards, tired, cranky, but alive and well.

I have heard some very painful, painful stories this past few days.  People that I know and care about are hurting, some with physical pain which in itself is a life changer, and some experiencing tremendous loss.  It’s always unfortunate when someone passes around the holidays.  The holidays are tough enough for most of us anyway.    And November has bee notoriously a very difficult month for me.  No matter what I focus on, and plan to counter the anniversaries of some very painful life changing events, it still comes up to smack me across my face, and try its best to rip my heart out through my throat.        I know this too shall pass.   It does.   But not without feeling it first.  I know I have no choice but to keep walking.   I think it was Churchill who said, and I quote “When in hell KEEP WALKING!”     Exactly.  Because we give in to the challenges, we stay right there in hell.     But sometimes it’s hard to forge ahead, and in the direction of where we need to go.    Sometimes the best part of a day is knowing you survived it.  It’s just a fact.

I have numerous things going on in my life, mostly all good, but not without stress.   The November crap hit me yesterday, and while it’s only Tuesday, I feel like it should be NEXT Friday!

The holidays are soon approaching.  Time to practice more patience with others, time to go the extra mile to help a neighbor, family member or friend.  Time to make time for someone who needs a hug, or a smile.    Time to let people you know how much you appreciate them, and even though we naturally take things for granted, many of us will experience difficulties that will remind us of how we do just that.

Here’s hoping your day is good, your life is going in the direction you want it to, and that you have a warm, comfortable bed to retire in tonight.     The older I get the more I come in touch with the fact that life really is about the little things, not the grandiose plans or dreams.  It’s about putting one foot in front of the other regardless of the terrain, and doing our very best on days when we know we aren’t feeling our best.    It’s just a fact of life.    My father used to tell us “to pull ourselves up by our boot straps!”      “You’re the only one who can do it for yourself”.     Today I can say, gratefully, that I did what needed to be done today, and while it wasn’t all pleasant, I did great.   Hope you did, too!

 

Blah Blah Blah

I watched President Donald J Trump get sworn in yesterday.   I didn’t see him grab anyones whowho, nor did I see anything improper go on, but I DID catch a glimpse (and watched it several times) of the perverted former president who was ogling someone other than his tyrant wife, who was caught and given the “dead stare” that I have given before!   I found it funny.

I do not understand the marches.  Yes, I said it.   I am a woman (looks down, Yup!)    I am for womens rights.    But I do not agree with the vagina hats or very crude signs that some were holding up, many.  I know good women who marched.  I support them, because it was important to them.  But really, I’m very confused at to what this was about.  Who has lost rights?  He hasn’t been in for more than 24 hours and he’s already destroying lives and families!

I don’t profess to agree with everything he has said or done, but I have heard men share (and women, for that matter) talk locker talk in front of others.   And I’ve been called a racist for years, since I decided I didn’t like the politics of Obama.  But I was respectful.   I lived through his presidency, and was mistreated by others because I didn’t like him.

You know, it’s getting really old to me.   The country voted (oh yes, we ALL KNOW CLINTON won the popular vote) but Trump won the electoral.   HE WON.   He is our President.  For those of you who say “he’s not my president” I say, go live in another country and see how well you have it.   And take those self professed important movie stars and comedians who have been threatening to go if he got elected!

If you want to march, march.  If you want to protest, protest, but destroying property that doesn’t belong to you, throwing things on those who attended the Inaugural Ball, is NOT right.  Frankly, it’s violence, and it’s a crime and they should be arrested.  Let me further add that bullying a child (The Trump son) on SNL skits or whathaveyou (and yes, you too Rosie!  I’ve lost all respect for you, calling him austistic)   How is this okay?  How is this okay and acceptable to ANY OF YOU?   Or Ashley Judd, really?  Referring to his wet dream of his daughter?   How is this ANY LESS nasty than what Trump said in the presence of other drunk men?  How?

I read last night that there is already an impeachment started.   This is so sad.   What happened to democracy?   I will tell you, I’m a registered democrat.  I haven’t voted that way in a long time because I’m appalled at what the party has become.  That doesn’t mean I jumped ship and joined the republican party, although I will say, I voted for Trump! gasp!  I know, how dare I?

Here’s what has happened.  You have college students who are being excused because they are emotionally unequipped to accept Trump was elected.  My God, we watched the Space Shuttle blow up and still had to go back to school or work!   Get a grip!  But I have found humor in much of this.   The over inflated  egos of actors and actresses who haven’t a clue what “reality” is, or what it means to be a working class single woman trying to make ends meet.   I think the election was a blow to all of them who realized their “importance” didn’t make a difference in the election!   Get over yourselves!   And what a shame (but nonetheless the same as we’ve been living, for those of you who join me in NOT liking St. Obama!) that you would punish a peer, because they don’t agree with you.  Really?  I will say this for the Obama’s, there were no scandals!

When Trump was elected I had put his picture on my fb page as President Elect.  “An old friend” who is gay, and whom I defended his rights since his early teens (I think he’s in his 40’s now) told me he couldn’t be my friend anymore because I stood for hate!   And then he private messaged me and told me to f*(* off.   When I blocked him, he kindly went to my business page and wrote that I’m …..  all the names we’ve all seen and heard TOO MANY TIMES.    On my business page!  “And don’t you contact my family again!”.  Well, that’s funny, because his aunt (who he treats well, depending on what he needs) is a good friend of mine.  He speaks for her?  NOT!    This is the thanks I get because I have a different view on politics?  How is this behavior helping your cause???????????

If rights are being stripped, I will stand up for what I believe in.  I believe in womens rights, and a right to choose whether they want an abortion or not, I will stand up for my gay friends (who have not unfriended me in the very manner in which they wrongfully unfriended me!   But I’m not going to jump on anyone’s bandwagon against President Donald J. Trump.  Why?   Because like it or not (and apparently a large majority do not) he is The President of the United States.  I live here, you live here.    Adjust, like many of us had to do with Obama.

And yes, we know, Obama was better than sliced bread.  I’m just waiting to hear how Trump (in his 24 hours of service) has caused this divide in our country.   And for those of you who are brave enough to do extensive research on the “dead pool” associated with the Clinton’s, because in my view, she was no prize! I think of her what many of you thinking no of Trump, at least he’s right out there. I am not impressed with the dual personalities that Clinton has “for the public” and private,NOT AT ALL!

I want a woman President.  I do.  But I want one who is worthy, not one who has been bought and sold one hundred times over, who has stayed in a repulsive “marriage” for power.

If you want to bitch and moan, go ahead, but do not do it on my blog, and do not do it on my facebook page, because I’ve had enough.     For you Clinton lovers, I’m so glad you can believe in the fairytale, but there are many of us who know differently.  And as I watched Bill ogle over whoever it was, rumored to be Ivanka or Melania, I took great pleasure in knowing, there would be no more scandals of the Clinton’s.   Remember?  The ones who left the White House broke and stole all that stuff they had to bring back?   Yes, it was a while ago, so I supposed we aren’t supposed to talk about that!

I support President Trump, even though I despise his tweets and his need for attention.  I support the men and women he appointed to positions to help our country.  And if you want to unfriend me, please do so. I’ve reached a point in my life where other peoples opinions of me do not effect who I am, my purpose in life, nor does it define me as good or bad.   My view may be different from yours, if you are a true friend, you’d respect my views, you don’t have to agree with them, but certainly mistreating me…..  How is that helping your cause?  I don’t want anymore fair weather friends.  I want friends who know me, and may disagree with me, but see value in me as a person, as a woman, as an artist, a daughter, sister, aunt, friend…  If you aren’t one of them, I can live with that. But I ask you, exactly what do you expect from those of us who support you, but not this long drawn out dramatic tale that has yet to happen?  Are you strong enough, is there enough courage in your convictions to give this guy a try? Are you brave enough to accept that you MAY not be the most important priority right now? What are you willing to do for  your country?

I leave you with the words of one very popular President.  “My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” – John F. Kennedy   

Today my coffee is a lot sweeter

This morning I woke up to the phone ringing, it was my dad.  Typically our conversations last a maximum of 10 minutes, but not today.  We probably talked for a minimum of 45 minutes.  Last night I spoke to my sister for about the same, and this afternoon, my mom.  There is nothing like crisis or catastrophes to zero your focus in on those or what is important to you.   How quickly my problems, all of my problems became luxury problems.  This coming from a cancer survivor who since, really doesn’t have much room in my life or patience for drama.  Today, no problem seems insurmountable, and if it does, it isn’t crucial, who cares?

The sun rose this morning, life goes on all around the world while a neighboring country is in peril. As tragic and and painful as it is to see and hear the destruction and how many lives that were taken, we can only do so much, and we must move forward.  A donation of $10 to Red Cross will largely help out, and I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, having been a recipient and been on many prayer lists before.  Having lost a few people I loved and have trekked through the grief process, I remember it feeling so cruel that life went on while my life was turned upside down.  How could the birds chirp, the sun rise, etc etc?  Later I learned, that was one of the gifts. 

Doesn’t your coffee taste spectacular today?  Are you finding that typical Monday morning blah’s aren’t so full of blues?  Don’t the people in your life look even more beautiful than they did a few days ago?  At least that is how it is for me.  When I’m walking outside on the ground, I’m feeling the ground underneath my foot, paying closer attention to all that surrounds me.  I’m more conscious, aware and grateful that today, I am alive, my family, home, community is in tact, and the nuclear power plant that I live a couple miles away from is not in crisis.

It’s easy to take things for granted.  I don’t think its possible to live a quality life without taking some things for granted, otherwise we would be so hypervigilant our lives would not be enjoyable.   There is a difference between living a day fully conscious and grateful for that day and living a day like it’s your last, even if it is your last.  Today I plan to smile wider, sing and play my music a little louder, put more effort into teaching my class, write those couple of letters that I’ve been meaning to write and not being afraid to let these people know how much they mean to me.  I will drink and savor each sip of coffee and throw out the socks that have holes in the toes…so what if I need to do laundry more often… or hey, here’s a thought, how about buying new socks?  And I will continue to pray for the peple in Japan and not forget their plight.  It’s okay that today my coffee tastes sweeter because of another’s struggles, misfortunes.  It doesn’t mean that I’m cold, uncaring, quite the opposite.  It means, I’m really appreciating life and that I really DO care.

Have a blessed day!

Karma…

Sometimes I think about saying or doing something not particularly nice, but then that five letter word comes up that keeps me somewhat straight…. Karma.  I want good  ju ju coming my way, baby! So I try to keep my nose clean.   I am however human, imperfect, and I tend to have a big mouth at times, and it sometimes gets me into trouble.

Tonight I was thinking about situations when I had judged someone on their actions.  Then days, months or years later I found myself placed into an experience where I suddenly saw the other persons side and  I was no longer judgemental of their actions, in fact… I understood them.    My jaw hits my chest and two states over they can hear me utter “WOW” when this happens.   Until we walk in another persons shoes, we no not what they feel, think, or why they made the choices they made or make.  Sometimes I think experiences like these are brought on as part of Karma, other times I believe they are given to us as gifts to further deepen our human experience.  It truly does blow me away when this happens to me.   How many times will this happen before I learn to stop judging others?  Apparently a LOT!

I used to call Jim (my former fiancee) the Karma Kid.  Things would come back on him instantly.  One day we were in a long line at a bank waiting to use the ATM machine.  The guy in front of us decides to get out of line, so without thinking he puts his car in reverse and nearly backs into us.  Jim blew his horn, called him a name under his breath,  along with a few other judgemental statements.    I reminded him of Karma… and he said “Yah yah, he’s still an idiot.” About 20 minutes later we had stopped at an indoor flea market.   Jim parks the car.  He decides he doesn’t like where he is parked so he puts his car in reverse and WHAM backs into a parked car behind us.  I still laugh about this some 9 years later.  The car he hit was a bondo baby, a piece of crap.  The impact wasn’t much but it made the car shake, rattle and roll, which sounded like metal on metal (or rust on rust).  This woke up the kid who was asleep in the back of the car.  His head came bouncing up from the back seat like a jack in the box.    The look on Jim’s face was unforgettable.  He wouldn’t look at me as I looking out the side window smiling.   Our dog was taking full advantage of all this excitement, running from window to window, barking.    Jim goes inside to find the owner, explains what happened.  The guy holds his hand up and waves him off, he said “Oh please, that piece of crap car?  Don’t worry about it!”.  This is one of the many examples of why I called him “The Karma Kid”.  His karma seemed to come instantly. 

Tonight I regretfully participated in sharing some hurtful words with someone.   I should have had better control of myself.   I did not.   Words are quick and easy weapons to sling at someone.    Sarcasm, in greek means “to tear flesh”.  Words tear flesh, they cannot be taken back.  I typically stay clear of this type of confrontation, of mostly all confrontation.   I dislike confrontation, it makes me very uncomfortable.  I am no angel when it comes to warfare in the word department.  For the most part, I do not participate in it.  If I am defending myself, if I feel fearful, I will bite back.   I feel sad for myself that tonight I participated with angry words.   I am disappointed in myself that I slung crap back.  After being hurt from the response, I quickly gained composure.  This is not healthy, nor is this where I’m going.  Some things you cannot fix.  I can, however, restore my sanity, my peace of mind, regain my serenity.

So, I’ve sort of duped myself with some bad karma coming my way.  I’m not pleased with that.   Will it come in form of a meteor?  Another appliance or mechanical device breaking?  More hurt feelings?    I don’t know.  But I do know that if I focus on that and stay in the negative, I am creating for myself a negative environment.  So I need to brush myself off, forgive myself, find my center, and get back to creating a happy, safe, serene environment for myself….  It’s doable!

Then tomorrow?  Back to random acts of kindness……