As I sat in the meeting today with a few hundred people listening to speakers who have and are sharing their success with this company, I thought about an interview that Bob Dylan did many moons ago with Morley Safer. Always interested in his life, his thoughts, I remembered a line out of this interview that I’ve held close in thought. He speaks of destiny. Defines it as knowing something about yourself that others do not know. The power to believe in yourself and the danger in sharing it, allowing others to squelch it. He “knew” he was going to be a musician, a famous musician.
What do you see for yourself? What did you dream about as a kid, as a young adult? Do you still dare to dream? Years of life kicking the crap out of me I had lost my dreams. I’m not sure if I actually lost them, but I certainly buried them deep within the confines of my mind, locked, for safety. It takes courage to dream. It takes courage to love. It takes courage to show up every day to life, to not only face the difficulties but also? Also the good.
In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Brene Brown author of “The power of Vulnerability” shared her beliefs about using vulnerability to transform our lives! Vulnerability is at its highest with dreams, the things we love. The fear of achieving, losing, the fear of allowing ourselves to succeed… I got it. I get it. I agree! Check her out..she rocks!
Last weekend I was scraping ground, feeling depleted, exhausted to all that I have done and have been through in my life. With my head in my hands, tears falling onto my lap, I knew it was time for a change. What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over hoping for different results! I am an artist. I will always be an artist. I can work in a nursery, or in a restaurant, this doesn’t take away who I am. If anything, it teaches me, gives me lessons, knowledge to take with me on my journey, life’s journey.
I have worked for many years in a career that I loved. I used my God given talents and was largely rewarded by teaching others to paint, By painting a picture that came from my mind, through my heart, out my hand onto canvas. Wow! I remember the first time I was introduced to decorative painting I saw what was in front of me, what others were doing and I KNEW, I KNEW I could do this! Well, I did! I accomplished what it was I KNEW I could do and wanted to do. This is about me, my own life, my own visions. Although I do not measure success in dollars, I know what it’s like to have few, and the pressures and energy it takes to live life jumping from one bill to another. I don’t want to live the rest of my life this way. As a cancer survivor I’ve been blessed with another chance at life. In some ways I think it would be beneficial to all to have a diagnosis of a potentially fatal disease…. why? Because it gifts you, well I should say, it gifted me with perspective. No, 20 years from now it’s not going to matter that my electricity was shut off, that my bank account was belly up. What I truly believe is how we give to and help others. I learned at a young age that to give without strings is to receive. The feeling that encompasses your mind, body and soul is of peace, warmth, love. There is no greater gift we can give another than ourselves, of our time.
I’ve lived a purposeful life teaching others to paint. To help another person get in touch with their creativity, to see the looks on their face when they finish their painting with pride… well, it’s very powerful, rewarding. I could be in the worst funk possible, go into a room and start teaching, by the end of the class I was whistling and singing. Seriously! Teaching has been an experience that I never want to lose, though the subject matter may change.
I have dusted off the cobwebs and busted out of confinement my dreams of past, and dared to dream for the future. HOPE. What more could you possibly give another than HOPE? What are my dreams? Well, there are materialistic desires, though I will always be careful to not live a materialistic life. Hey, it would be great to have a car that runs, I hear they have seat warmers and fans now! Who knew? It would be great to have a house that I can open the windows to fresh air. It would be great to not have the constant worry of how to survive, financially. This has affected me physically and also spiritually. I have not been at my best nor can I be at my best when my mind is preoccupied with such troubles.
So last week I did something that I only told one person. I’m not sure it was a good idea (LOL) but this stood for hope, determination. I dusted off the cobwebs and busted out of confinement, my dreams. I care not to share them, for the very reason Bob Dylan shared in this interview, but I will share my favorite and most meaningful dream. I would like to teach painting to cancer victims, to their families as they sit with their loved ones while going thru the long and scary road of treatment. I would like to give forward, what was given to me when the disease knocked on my door – an ear, a hand, a hug. Encouragement when I felt like I could go no further. A smile, laughter through tears which is absolutely my favorite emotion. I will one day soon, have the time and means to jump on and ride out this dream. It’s funny, I was reading a decade old magazine in which I was interviewed. I knew THEN, prior to my own journey through cancer, that this was what I wanted to do. My own journey only reinforced this vision. I CAN do this, and I WILL do this.
I have never seen anyone who only does for themselves truly happy. How could you be? Until we can grasp the gift of giving, I don’t think we can achieve longevity in happiness, peacefulness. Selfish acts will pour out gold perhaps, but will that make us happy? I believe in karma. I believe that what we put out comes back ten fold. I’ve been too bogged down with fear, uncertainty, discouragement to pick myself up and jump to a new track! Sure, material things are nice. I’m looking forward to driving my new Lexus, it IS going to happen, I’ve made the decision. It’s about a decision, failure is not an option. I will not stop until I accomplish what I want to accomplish, very much like what I did in the decorative painting industry. I wanted to teach others, I have and do. I wanted to have my artwork in magazines, I have. I wanted my artwork on the cover of a magazine, I have. I wanted a website. I had one! Decided it wasn’t worth the work!
So, how do I get there? Where do I sign up? How do I start? It all begins with renewed if not the beginning of hope. I have grabbed onto an opportunity that I KNOW will not only get me there, but have a LOT of fun doing so! I’m meeting fun, positive, kind people. I’m sharing seats with others who are realizing their visions, their dreams. Next is to believe, to envision, to send it out to the Universe or whom or whatever you believe feeds, channels you. Before I leave this earth, I will know what it feels like to teach cancer patients to paint, to find their creativity through the tubes, the uncertainties, the difficult and reach for and paint their way through the challenges of cancer.
I know this trek will be full of ups and downs. So has my life been! So I might as well go through those ups and downs with others who want me to succeed, who will and are helping me to get beyond the ghosts of yesterday and move onto today. Powerful. Powerful. Powerful.
I am psyched, pumped and ready to roll. I can do this, and if you so desire? You CAN, too! I, we can expose our hidden dreams, and come up with a few new. It’s time! What have you got to lose? For me? A few pounds, wrinkles, age spots AND the constant worry of survival. Stay tuned! ♥♥♥