Category Archives: Creative Musings

Art, writing, life, creativity, single in 2010, breast cancer survivor, humor, serious…. all in a days work!

Shhhh, don’t talk so loud!

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Yesterday I commented on a friend’s facebook post regarding ice to stop a migraine.   “I’m fortunate that ice works well for me on migraines”.   The minute I hit send I wish I hadn’t.   Consequences… This morning I woke up with a migraine that was a bit different than most of those I have.  This encompassed my entire head, including top.   I had every ice pack out of my freezer, and a makeshift one, it did nothing.   I took a medication, refreshened all the ice and debated whether to call someone, or rescue.   Thankfully, the third shift of ice that I had my entire head and neck packed in, relief came.   This is one of those times I wish I didn’t live alone, and then again, when I have a migraine, even a delightful chirp of a cricket can sound like firecrackers.  It is what it is.

Last night I brought some watermelon up to my friends who live behind me.   I have some great neighbors.  As I was trudging up I realized, I had missed (we had missed, neighbors dig this stuff too), the annual egg laying and hatching of this huge snapping turtle that waddles her way up to my yard.   The huge hole was dug, and there were many broken egg shells.  Bummer!   I have no desire to do get close to a snapping turtle.  Memories of my cousin, Danny, chasing us girls with a snapping turtle in his hands come flying back.  But I surely DO want to see what the little ones look like.

This morning when I walked the dog, and as I said earlier, a migraine, I could see something was different in Christmas tree of mine.  I know, not the official name, but I just wanted to remind me you that Christmas IS coming!  Slap me.   I was having a hard time focusing, so I walked up to it and there was a swarm of bees on one of the branches that was so heavy it was almost resting on the ground.  My neighbor is a beekeeper, and her hives are only 20-30 ft away, so I figured it was hers.   I came in and messaged her, then went into the icing process.  Come to find out, it wasn’t.    That swarm of bees had to be 18″ x 14″ around anyway, I would guess larger around.    It was kinda cool.   Did I tell you I’m allergic to bees?   I didn’t opt for pics.

So once again, as most people are asleep or heading to bed, I am just coming to life for the day.    I spent time this evening sketching, and started painting up some new designs.   The ideas are flowing and fast.  Perhaps this mornings migraine was an overload of activity that stems from being stagnant for too long prior.   I am grateful to be feeling creative once again.

Went out to get in the jeep and go to town for a creamie and saw that my friend had once again mowed my lawn.  This had been on today’s to do list.   It is such a nice feeling to know that others care, and lend a hand to help.   I really am grateful.

On the way into Town it appeared that Lilly (a terrier mix I rescued a few years ago), urgently needed to get out.  I pulled over, let her out, and wouldn’t you know it, a Canada Goose came at her, loud and obnoxious.   She liked it.   I remembered that there has been a pair of geese who every year have gosling’s (?) in this area.  That must have been what was going on.

It’s really nice to be surrounded with so much nature.  I really do love Vermont, New England.   I recall someone asking me once “Where do you get the inspirations for your paintings?” They particularly liked my landscapes.    I looked at them and smiled….  “Have you ever been to Vermont?”

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Today’s bumpy blog!

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First I would like to apologize for the lack of sentence and paragraph structure.  I’m not sure what I am doing wrong.  Haven’t experienced this before and frankly, it’s annoying as hell!

I’m breathing in the signs that Spring is coming. I can see the top of my shed, my roof is actually snow and ice free, and wonderful, joyous mud is starting in my driveway. Give me a month and I’ll crab about mud, but at the moment, it makes me smile, breathe in deep, the warm air that promises new growth…Yes, Yes, Yes. Spring isn’t just a vague memory, it is a real event, and with it comes regrowth.

The past couple of days I have driven down my favorite back road,which I haven’t in months. It’s not a road you take in the Winter, well, that I take in the winter. It was nice to see the brook visible, the snow dissipating and receding. Yes, yes… Spring is coming soon.

I just finished agitating some wool purses and motifs that I made. It’s easy to do it in your washing machine but I prefer to boil water in the tea pots, put them in my sink, and stir and agitate with a wooden spoon. I like to watch the wool change into felt. It makes me smile to do this. Then why oh why, don’t I like doing my dishes in the sink? If truth be told, there are times that I do enjoy doing the dishes. The warm/hot water soothes my fingers and hands. My hands that have brought so much joy to me, have created so much, worked hard, and with whom I believe is one of my biggest assets.

I think sometime, what if… What if I can no longer use my hands? How would I create? Well, then I think it would be time to use new technology and pump out the book that I’ve so leisurely and haphazardly been working on for years. I think I do this, I take my time because then God will grant me more time, I will live longer, because from a young adult I’ve known I was supposed to write. Oh only a fool would think such. The only one that I am fooling is myself, and should I graduate tomorrow, what will my epitat be? “What a beautiful book she was going to write”.
Do you ever think about what your legacy will be? What will you leave behind when you are called home? I sat last night looking through pages of my artwork, smiling. I’m fairly hard on myself, I have had my therapist ban words from my vocabulary…. One being “the f word” and the other begins with an L. I started to panic when she told me I wasn’t allowed to use the f word”….. I can’t do it, NO!   I cannot!   Relief overcame me when she explained she was talking about “failure”. She was talking about “lazy”. Two words that I tag to my toe on dark days. I wonder, does everyone have dark days?
I used to be such a people person. I used to love to go to parties, social events. Now? Not so much. And that is okay. The key here is to find balance. To find enough visibility and purpose to hop over the line of isolation into life.

I remember when I worked at a nuclear plant in the 80’s. I did very well for myself, two promotions in two years. Funny, as I think about it now, I was often criticized for not being able to stay with one job. I was good for about 3 years and then I was bouncing all over the place. It was when I went into business for myself that I found longevity. But I digress. There was a Meyer-Briggs personality test that many of us took “Myers Briggs Personality Test”. Among-st nuclear operators, geniuses, the majority fell into the category of “ISTJ” (Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judgement). It’s an interesting test, and if you want to take it I believe it is available free online. Based on Carl Jung’s work. Anyway, as the instructor shared how many of each of us fell into each category, he saved one for last. “And now we have one ENFP!  Can anyone tell me who that is? With that many eyes glanced over to me, laughter ensued. “What does that mean Irv?”, I asked him. “It means you don’t belong in a nuclear power plant!”  (Extrovert, Intuition, Feeling, Perception)…..http://personalitypage.com/ENFP.html
Have long since taken the test and the “e” has slid into “i”, though I believe that was the only think that changed.
Well, what a bumpy blog, eh? Not feeling like I made much sense, but then, do I ever?
Have yourself a great day! xo

ps…. The inability to stay in a job longer than 3 years has since been diagnosed as ADHD!

pss… I cannot imagine my life without creativity, music.

Signs…..

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Ahhhh, internet.  I have been without internet for a while.   I’ve missed writing.  I’ve missed surfing the net for just about anything that I wanted to know.   It’s been a very long winter here in New England.    COLD!    I keep my thermostat at 50-52 degrees, use a duraflame heater I bought last Fall.  It’s supposed to cost .25c an hour.   We shall see.    This has been one, if not the hardest winter I recall.    So very grateful my girlfriend and I put plastic on my decrypted windows.    I snuggle on the couch crocheting (because the weight of whatever I’m working on adds warmth) wearing a scarf, hat, wrapped in blankets.   Sounds ridiculous it is what it is.  It’s been  a VERY long winter.   Oodles of snow, ice.   Just as I started to feel relief with daylight savings time, warmer weather, I am now facing roof leaks, and the snow that the beautiful sun is dissolving is seeping into my cellar.    I’m so friggan over winter.   GO AWAY!   Bring on the mud!   My driveway looks like an ice rink.  There is ice probably 4″ thick.    Joy, joy, oh joy.   Still, I have gratitude for having food, clothing, shelter.  Maslow was a smart man, eh?   I was feeling pretty sorry for myself until I learned that a friends house was destroyed by fire.   I guess I don’t have it too bad after all? Have been struggling emotionally, which isn’t abnormal but it’s been more severe of late.   Any New Englander would tell you that they are ready for Spring, I’m so not alone.   But this is deeper than cabin fever.      I’ve made some decisions that, if I follow through, will improve the quality of my life.   These days I find myself asking that question often.  “Will buying this (or that) improve the quality of my life?    Will this action bring me peace? serenity?   And if it doesn’t, I walk away.  I’m getting too old to be heading in the backwards direction! It came to me why I’m struggling so.   I know living in the past is fruitless and hijacks the present.  I’ve been working on changing that.   Though there are still things from my past that I cannot get past, I find it interesting how our subconscious mind “remembers”.     There is no escaping it, so I guess the answer for me is to do my best, acknowledge when these feelings, thoughts come up, and then try to detach from it, to not give it additional power.    I’m sure you would agree, much easier said than done! I’ve got Spotify blaring I the background.   Music, oh beloved music, I shudder to think what life would be like without it!  I have missed   My comfort, joy, muse…. I believe in signs.   I believe in messages from heaven (and probably some from hell!)  🙂   This evening my girlfriend treated me to dinner.  We went to one of my favorites, our favorites “Friendly’s”.   While enjoying both food and company I noticed a young couple come into the restaurant.   The girl was wearing a sweatshirt with “Wolfeboro” on it, with a moose embroidered underneath.    This was a definite sign for me.  A much needed and appreciated one.   Both serving significant meaning to me, and offering comfort through the difficult right now.   Thank you, D… Thank you!   I love you ! Are you open to messages and gifts from the “other side”?  I once would have cared whether you think I’m nuts or not, and now?   Now I don’t.     Progress!  Even if our beliefs differ, that doesn’t mean I don’t wish you love, as I do.   I wish you all goodness, peace.  I’m grateful to be at a place now where I recognize, we all have our individual journeys, lessons.  I’m grateful I have no desire to control another’s path, and I’m working on my critical judgment of others, and of myself.    I want to walk through the rest of my life with peace, hope and faith that I will be given what I need to become the person I want to be, am supposed to be.   I want to treat myself with the same love and respect I have for loved ones.   It’s time!

Daring to dream…

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I realized something today that was probably obvious to everyone else. I can’t make, nor do I ever want that control or power over another, I can’t make them see the vision I see, or want the journey.

I want good for all of us, and for the first time in a very long time, I’m not afraid to grab onto hope. I know my dreams are achievable, not without hard work and devotion, and while I want my favorite people on this journey with me, no doubt I will meet new people, new friends who see what I see, who will walk this with me. Perhaps others will join in later, perhaps not. We are all at different places in our lives, we are where we are supposed to be. Everyone’s paths, purposes, desires are different, just as they are supposed to be.

Hope is a funny thing. If you’ve been dropped to your knees in pain, disappointment, if you’ve experienced loss on a magnitude basis, if you’ve known sadness and had to fight your way back, hope can be scary. Hope can be debilitating. Why? Because fear takes over, fear of grabbing onto it, riding it, and then losing that, too. Oh how many of us live “waiting for the other shoe to drop”. But today? Today I see it differently. I see all the tragedy that has happened in my life, the loss, the pain as a driving force pushing me towards my dreams. The more I’m told it can’t be done, the stronger I feel it is. Stubborn? Yeah, but I’m also an intelligent woman who has walked through much in my life, and yet, I’m still standing. I’m not only standing, I’m chasing my dreams and dreaming larger than ever.

I’ve been going about my new business so wrong. I’ve wanted my loved ones to join me because I wanted to do this together, but today I get it. This is not for everybody. I’m so glad that it is for me.

I’ve accomplished what I set out to accomplish in my arts career. I am proud of that. It meant and means all the more that I did it on my own. And my new endeavor will mean all the more because I am doing this, too, on my own. I need and want to give credit to my mother, my friends who helped me get established. Friends who encouraged me when the road got rocky and the electricity was always in disconnect. Truth is, it’s not that much different right now, but my attitude is, and my perspective is. My life is brilliant. All I need to do is be me and committed to being the best me! The rest will fall into place…people, places, things. I am aligning with my life.

I’ve fallen into the next phase of my life. I’m daring to hope, I’m making new friends, getting reacquainted with old, and excited about my future, about my now! I prayed today for something I’ve never prayed for before. Always a believer to pray only for God’s will for me and the courage, strength to carry that through. I prayed that I be blessed with life until I reach my dreams. I have some mighty tall things planned! I smile. I am also well aware that if this is God’s plan, it will come to fruition. Thing is…. it already has. I love the space I am in emotionally, spiritually, and I’m working hard every day to get my physical back to the place I feel best about myself. I want to know what it feels like to have balance between all three for the rest of my life. I am throwing out fear and replacing it with faith.

I am grateful for where I am. I am grateful for where I have been, and every tear shed as it’s helped mold me into who I am today and will undoubtedly help me in all aspects of my tomorrows, that is, if I am blessed with them. I am grateful for where I see myself going, and I am grateful once again for hope. I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Yes, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I am also dead tired, so I shall now say goodnight! Good things planned tomorrow! Sweet sheeps my friends, sweet sheeps. As you rise and shine tomorrow, I hope you are able to greet the day with a smile on your face, gratitude in your heart and hope for today. I hope you, too, find yourself chasing your dreams! xoxo

Who am I if not a teaching artist?

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Here I sit on a Saturday night with my animals and a dictionary I bought in 1984 as companions. 30 years ago? Where the hell has 30 years gone?

I am amongst change, and for the most part, choosing to make these changes. There is truly much excitement, happiness, a new challenge is exciting and I will grow from this, become a better person. But I have realized that my identity, my self worth is tied up in what I have done for the past 15 years of my life. Who am I if I’m not a teaching artist? A publishing artist? A self employed artist?

I remind myself that no matter where I go or what I do, I will always be an artist. It is up to me to keep my hands engaged with creativity, which I am pretty good at doing so. I design jewelry, I write, I bead, I paint, I draw, yada yada yada. Am I poo pooing my own talents? I know I have in past. In my teens and twenties I thought everyone could do what I do, that there was nothing special about my abilities. In my 30’s I realized, I was different. I realized that the years that I spent feeling “different” than my siblings, than my friends, than school mates, thinking different, coming alive at night and sleepy in the mornings, a lifetime of being called “overly sensitive or emotional”…. well, that is all part of who I am and who I was designed to be. And perhaps my feeling different than others was all a self centered narcissistic thought process?

Here’s the thing. I’m confident that I can be successful at that which I am choosing to participate in, that which I am shifting my focus and committing to. I KNOW I can… I already am! I see the opportunity, I have the vision, I was guided here, I WANT this! So why am I questioning my identity? Why is it (if it really is) wrapped up in what I have done in my past.

I guess it’s normal to feel this way, or to be thinking this way. I guess it’s because in some way I’m walking away from what I once believed was my “purpose”. Why can’t I have more than one purpose in my life? Why do I question that my purpose will not reveal itself to me just as it has done in past? And then again, will my future endeavor be much different than my past? Perhaps not with brush in hand, but with my heart, my outreaching arms?

In past I have habitually given more of myself than I had to give. In relationships, in work, in all. My passion provided me with the endurance to do this. Perhaps it is aging? Perhaps it is being guided (which I do believe is true) that I am shifting away from that which I know to that which I do not know. But then again, as a person with a sixth (and a sick) sense, I truly believe this is the natural evolution for me. This is what I’m supposed to do.

I remember in my 20s I was constantly seeking purpose. It was ridiculous. As I aligned with that which I was being guided to, I didn’t question it. I just “knew” and all that was laid out in front of me provided the path to purpose.

I am grateful I no longer see myself only being worthy in a relationship. I have, and what I hope will be the rest of my life, realized that being in a relationship, a committed relationship is certainly nice, and would fill lonely times, but it does no longer defines me. I am not who I am because of who I am with. My sense of self, my identity is not as someone’s girlfriend, wife, fiancé. I guess that is why I’m feeling tripped up about my identity being tied up in my accomplishments as an artist, as a teaching artist. The truth is, I will hold dear to me all the years, every student (well, minus a couple) that I had the privilege to teach, to introduce them to their creative side that many never knew they had. What a beautiful thing! So many wonderful memories, so many wonderful friends. And I’m not planning on leaving this industry totally, but certainly stepping away from it on a much larger scale than I have in past.

I’ve known for several years that I want to teach art, painting, drawing, whatever it may be, to cancer patients. I want to provide them with something fun, something healing as they go through the many challenges of treatment. This is how I want to teach now. I have not the means to do so yet, but I will. If it’s Gods will, I will. Am I feeling guilty that I’ve chosen to now seek financial stability in my life? I want to live out my days with no worries of disconnects, overdrafts. Do I feel like I am selling myself out? Hell, who knows. I don’t think so. Just as I have always known there was something else out there for me, and I am having a lot of fun in doing so. I have a reunion with old friends, meeting new ones… I AM happy with what I am doing…. so why am I feeling this conflict within myself?

I have been particularly bad at giving due credit to difficult days. When sick, or tired I rarely would attribute these things to my foul mood, or my lack of ambition. It was because I was lazy, or because I was bad, wrong, yada yada yada. You cannot see this, but I am sitting here nodding. Perhaps this is just a difficult day? Perhaps I am tired? Perhaps I am getting ill? It doesn’t have to be something monumental, nor do I need to be critical of myself. It just IS how I am feeling today!

I love it when people who hardly know me will “diagnose” my feelings. Seriously, like really? The thing is, I can be this way with others! I think I know what is best for them and I’m sure in some cases, I do! It’s much easier to see another person’s problems and solutions to those problems than to brave my own.

I have been thinking today that what if my purpose is to just be? What if I take all the pressures of perfection, of production out of my life and just wake up each day, take it as it comes, and do my best and feel that my best IS good enough?

Now, see, aren’t you glad you stopped by to read this sorted tale of confusion? I was asked the other day how I was….. My reply was “Well, given that my biggest problem today is deciding whether to keep my hair long or cut it short again, I think I’m doing VERY WELL!” Tis true. If that is the only thing on my mind, then I have a pretty good life, don’t I? So am I CREATING this internal conflict to sabotage my happiness? Oh yeah, I’m fairly adept at that. I think we all can be.

Because I am changing directions of my sails doesn’t take from me who I am. My god given talents as an artist will remain and I will still delve into them, perhaps enjoy them more without deadlines! Another thing I have done in my past is taken whatever enjoyable thing I was doing and turned it into a business. Seriously! I loved to crochet, so I took it the next level and published with Leisure Arts, McCall’s… I loved floral arranging so I became a department head and full time designer doing such! I saw decorative painting and said “OMG, I can do this!” So I did! I love beading, designing jewelry, so let’s start selling it! I love to write, so I am working on a book and going to write articles for women’s magazines. Now, there isn’t anything wrong with doing these things. For one, it kept me well stocked in supplies thus assuring my “fix”. Good God, even flea marketing with girlfriends became a business. They will tell you how well I did at turning over furniture and making a profit on it…. even after using it for a couple of years!

But the constant shifting of furniture, my three season porch constantly filled with my next “treasure”… it grew old. I now want to simplify my life, quit the hustle and bustle of producing and accepting each day as a gift, and as a person worthy of that gift without accomplishing, or conquering the world?

Many times I have heard “I wish I were an artist, I wish I were you, I wish I had your life”… Well, you know, I do have a good life. When all is said and done, I do have a good life. But being a creative soul comes with it’s pitfalls too. When I am not able to create, I become restless, irritable. I think of Ernest Hemingway, and how deadly his writer’s block became. Well that and a whole lot of booze. I’m not implying that I would think about slicing my wrist if I had artists block (again), but let’s just say you wouldn’t want to live with me then! OMG…. Oh my God! What if I am feeling this way today because I fear that I will become that bitchy artist who does not produce? And more? What if I am feeling this way today because I have only ever based my self worth on what I accomplish? Well, holy shit Sherlock! Perhaps I’m onto something!

Now, as Scarlet O’Hara said…. “Tomorrow is another day”…. let’s see what it brings! I do know one thing. I am planning to take back my maiden name and ditch the name that came with the ex husband. He’s not around now, so why should his name be? I think I’m coming home. I think the changing sails will bring new adventures, memories, and a return to myself. I only kept his name because it was my “published” name. That sucker is on it’s way out!

Do you really want it?

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How do you find success? What is it that you want in your life? From your life? What are your goals, where do you want to be? Do you hear yourself saying “When I have this much $$ in the bank, when I am this dress size, when my kids are out on their own…How about when the cow jumps over the moon…. Then and only then will I be happy?

Believe me, I know this thought process too well, and daring to dream, to jump outside my comfort zone or (what is not necessarily good but KNOWN) can be a challenge. But is it worth it? Close your eyes, well not yet! Read what I want you to do first! I want you to close your eyes and visualize your life with all that you want to be, have. How do you feel? Are you happy? Are you smiling? If you are not, then do this exercise again… Close your eyes, envision all that you want to be, do, and have. Keep those eyes closed until you feel that bit of excitement in your chest, feel even the slightest smile…

Are you there yet? Can you feel it? Can you vision it? For so long my “dreams” were lost. Once in a while I would see or hear something that would bring my dreams back in view for a bit, but then life happened, shit happened. No one is exempt from it! It’s easy to fall down after life has kicked you in the shins. And if you’ve never been kicked in the shins by life, just forego this blog. It’s not for you! Loss has been prevalent in my and many of our lives. Loss comes in many forms. I don’t want to focus on them, but I do want to, and I want you to, acknowledge the things that left bruises, cracks, perhaps even broken your shin bone(s), your heart.

Let’s try this. Close your eyes, put your hand over your heart. Visualize letting every hurt, pain, disappointment, shadow of doubt circulating from your heart into your hand. Deep breaths. Keep going, reach in there. Remind yourself that fear (thus fear of feeling) is typically much larger in our minds than what it is in reality. Yes, we have had painful things happen in our life, everyone has. Yes, some have had what seems to be an extraordinarily more than others. Let it POUR, DUMP into the palm of your hand. Sit quietly, let the next thought come, acknowledge it, but don’t buy it, jump on board with it. As the thought arises, nod physically as acknowledgement than move it to the palm of your hand. Do this until your thoughts cease. Visualize displacing all the hurt and pain into the palm of your hand. Then, physically toss that weighted entity in your hand, like a baseball. Throw hard, feel the release as your arm lengthens straight. Keep your arm extended and your hand open. Any residual thoughts and pain that managed to escape, visualize them exiting your physical being through the tips of your fingers. Feel it flow out until your thoughts once again, cease. Think it will be Christmas before your thoughts stop? Nah. But I know that when I am overwhelmed, when I am off kilter, when I am feeling beaten, lost or alone I can easily get into the thought process that “it’s useless, there is too much pain, I can’t do this”, and many other sabotaging mantras that keep me stuck. Stand up, shake your body, shake it free of all evidence, incidence, consequence. Then sit back down.

NOW I want you to close your eyes again, take several deep breaths. As you are breathing in, visualize breathing in kindness, happiness, love. As you breathe out expel any fears, doubts… And now I want you to think about what you want to be, do or have. Dare to dream again. Throw caution aside and visualize yourself having everything you want. Can you see it? Can you feel it? Did you feel even the slightest pang of excitement in your chest? Now how do you feel? Are you happy? Are you excited?

The kindness, happiness and love that we breathe in are for ourselves. I have many who love me, I am fortunate, it is loving MYSELF that needs honing. I have to love myself unconditionally, perhaps the way I love others? I am now treating myself the way I treat others and want to be treated. I am visualizing all that I want to be, all that I want to do, and all that I want in my life. Now open your eyes again. Get back to life, work, dishes, whatever it was that you were and needed to do. Only THIS time… Go with those good thoughts, dreams. With every step you take ask yourself “Is this choice, is this action taking me in the direction of my dreams? Is this choice, direction, getting me closer to what I want?”

We live in a time of instant gratification. We want it all, and we want it right now. Hence, have you ever acknowledged that the very things we get quickly we don’t appreciate as much as those we’ve worked hard and strived for? If I were to hand you a million dollars, I’d bet you would have fun with it, yeah? But if I were to give you the vehicle to earn a million dollars, or whatever amount, less or more that you want would you feel the satisfaction of knowing you did it yourself? You earned it?

I get it. I see this. As I walk in the direction of the life I want, the person I want to be, I will undoubtedly get what I need to accomplish this. Yeah, you can balk if you want, but if you want something bad enough, if you have the vision, the passion and do the work on a daily basis to get there…it’s POSSIBLE! Belief!

Are the choices you are making today, this very moment, are they (good or bad) bringing you closer to what you want? I am learning that it isn’t the leaps and bounds I take that are getting me where I want to be. Because if I am doing this, I am skipping some very important elements that will play a positive role in my self worth and confidence. Each step counts. Every failure, disappointment, every joy makes me a better person if I’m willing to feel it, acknowledge it, and then have the strength to take one more step towards my goals. So often I have read, it isn’t the destination, it’s about the journey. Well, I’m here to tell you, I haven’t necessarily liked my journey, but I am walking towards what I want my life to be. I take with me all that I have learned, and am learning on this journey called life.

I believe happiness is a choice. I believe it is possible for all. I believe pain is an important part of life that builds our character, helps shape us into better people, that is… if I am willing to get up and keep walking. I believe it was Winston Churchill who said “When you are in hell, keep walking!”…. Heck RUN! Because when you reach your goal? You’ll have all the time you need to rest!

I love the direction I have routed for myself. Of course, this is dependent on devotion and God’s will! I have the vision, and today? Today is a fun day. That may not be true tomorrow. There will be hard days, there will be easy days… but what is important for me to remind myself when times get hard to keep walking, keep walking towards my vision. I don’t know what may be right around the corner, but I do know, it’s there…. I have faith. Do you?

What if I told you that you could have everything you want…. would you grab an oar and jump on board with me or would you step back, shake your head in skepticism and wave me goodbye?    What if?    What if?   WHAT IF?

donnascully.arealbreakthrough.com

 

 

Pull up your moosic chairs and ears….

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imagesCA6645FTIn fifth grade we had a music teacher named “Mrs. Chang”.    A sweet Asian woman who would tell us to “get out your moosick books”….

Yesterday a facebook post taught me that a girlfriend of mine and I have the same favorite song!   It made me smile….  “Of course you love that song!”.     “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac.    Great minds, hearts think and feel alike, right?

Today I have been listening to music on Spotify.  I love that app.  As I am expanding my horizons, stepping out into the world again after many years of isolation, I feel the need to find new music that will reach deep within me.  I love the classics, songs of my past, but I also want to expand my horizons in this way, too.   Still, there are some songs that, for whatever reason, I needed to hear.

Music can raise me up higher than the clouds, or drop me as fast as a brick off the apex of a building, 22 stories up.  It gains momentum, speed, the rate of impact immeasurable.  So why, why, why would I do this to myself?

I’m not wallowing in my past, not today anyway.  But sometimes I listen to past music, read past journals which serve to sharpen my memory, remind me of places where I’ve been, places where I’m coming from, of lessons learned but long forgotten, or my very favorite,  replaying good, fun, wonderful movie clips of my yesteryears.   We all have certain songs that can drop us to our knees.  Or we’re driving in a car and we hear a song that echoes through our body projecting tears down our face.  It may be of beauty, it may be of pain, either way, it is indeed powerful.     My quest is to find new music that will one day remind me of my hear (get it? :)) and now.   I want to fall in love with an artists voice, lyrics that grab hold of not just my ear, but my heart.   I want to find the songs that God willing, I will listen back on 10-20 years from now and remember the strength, the courage I had to change my life.  It will serve to inspire me today, and remind me in later years.

 

images (19)When was the last time you listened to music of your past?  High school years?  Your 20’s? 30’s? 40’s?  Yeah, I know, some of you are so young you don’t even know who Harry Chapin, John Denver, Bob Dylan are!    What beat inspires you?  What song extends your arms into wings?  Have you listened to it lately?  I have a dear friend with whom his mother speaks to him from her place in heaven.   Typically when he needs to hear it, a song now long past that sometimes brings a smile to his face and sometimes tears running down his face, but nonetheless, the song is almighty powerful and meaningful for him.  “Sunshine, on my shoulders”.  -John Denver   I have now officially spent 4.5 hours sitting on my butt, listening to some of my favorite music expel through the bose and bring movement to my soul.    I gifted myself with this today!   How can enjoying any form of art be a waste of time???????

The music of the 70s makes my foot stomp and body move.  Music of the 80’s reminds me of time spent with my siblings, friends.  Music of the 90’s reminds me of an ending, and a fabulous new beginning in my life.  Imagine hearing one right after the other?  It would feel like being punched and then kissed at the same time!  HA!   The 2000’s were years that I existed.  I became a workaholic out of monetary and mental need.  I don’t really have many memories of music in this decade, and that is okay as I was given what I needed to get through all that I went through.  I am not unlike anyone else when in survival mode.  Breathing is not taken for granted, it is a forced action that took much effort, from a broken heart and all.

Now, I’m enjoying covers of songs that I love.  Overall they are filled more with music than voice, and still bring comfort and smiles, and yes, for some, sadness.  But I just don’t choose to listen to the songs that bring sadness.  I don’t have the energy to exert on the very things I cannot change.  Progress my friend, progress for me!

No matter the emotion, the decade, the artist, music is all-powerful.   I love seeing new blood and also inherited talent from a parental rock star!   We are all rock stars.  We are all-stars in our own world, so what have you don’t today to celebrate this in you?  In your loved ones?   I dare you to put on one of your favorite music, whether its rock, jazz, orchestra, instrumental, country, okay I’ll say it though I despise it… RAP… Whatever moves you…shake your butt, move around the house like Madonna, or Michael Jackson, or if you don’t know who they are, Pink?  Amy Winehouse?  Or fall back into your favorite easy chair, put your feet up and gift yourself with a few hours of tunes.     Have at it guys!   Let the music do what it does to you!!!!!   See what comes up for you!  Bet you if nothing else, you will smile!  And that?  That is pretty nice, isn’t it?

Rock on….. and now I shall leave you with the song that is doing it for me today!

Bruce Springsteen – Dancing in the Dark

Creedence Clearwater Revival – Bad Moon Rising

Where’s da service?

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With appointments and errands to run this morning I set out with a list, a list that I actually remembered to bring with me!  The first couple went well, no waiting, good service.   Then I decided to go get new screen protectors for my iphone.   I despise going into Verizon.  It’s not that they aren’t nice, as they are, but the service sucks.    I decided to give them another try, after all, I wanted to make a small purchase not set up an account.  I walk in, two people waiting on customers, two of us waiting for help.  Shortly thereafter another couple came in.   I’m walking around with the screen protectors in my hand which are $20… ridiculous.   I’m waiting, waiting.   It’s sort of like being in a bad relationship…. hmmm, I’ve already got this much invested, it will get better!  NOT!  At 15 minutes I decided to cut my losses and walk out, which I did.  Of course this did not phase them but it did serve to feel like I stood for something.    This is ridiculous.    

The next block down is Staples.  I drove in, walked in and walked around looking for the screen protectors.  No luck.   Customers were checking out up front and I couldn’t see any of the normal amount of customer service people that is normally in there.   I run into a guy whose business provides excellent service, which is why I go there for copies, paper, etc.   He was ticked off.   What the hell?  Isn’t there ANY service anymore?   “Yes” I said, “at your business”.     It’s now been 10 minutes.  I’m annoyed.   You are tired Donna, don’t lose your temper, just relax, it will go well and soon I’ll have the protectors in hand and will move onto my next errand.  Nothing, no one.   Two employees walked by, ignored me.  Not that I was standing on my head or trying to get their attention.  I was annoyed that they didn’t offer to help me.  Off to the duck pond they go.  You know, the place “behind the doors”?   The eagles are flying out front working, the ducks migrate back to the pond.    Telling myself it’s probably not a good idea to rip someone’s lips off, I once again reminded myself of how tired I am, now hungry, thus my irritation level is on high.   I have lost it in one place before, okay two… okay maybe three!   I’m so tired of getting zip for service.  What the heck?

In the days when I worked as a teenager (my parents would share the stories of how they walked home from work, barefoot), we were taught that “the customer is your bread and butter”… well, um…Not so anymore.

Here’s the thing.  I try to support my local stores.  I try to give them business rather than to give all my money to Walmart.  I know how hard it is to make it these days.   I live in a very small town.  I would get my gas at our local (one and only) country store that has two pumps.  Yes, the price is a little higher, but again, supporting them.  Unfortunately, they weren’t supported enough because the store folded and closed its doors.  A major convenience, gone.    So let’s get back to shopping local.   Retailers complain about Walmart, Amazon, how it is ruining their business.   Well, today is a perfect example of why I DO shop at Walmart and Amazon!   For one, I go into Walmart very late at night so that I miss the majority of the Jerry Springer shows “want to be’s”.   Things are typically less expensive there, so I have more patience in waiting in line.  But if I am waiting 15 minutes?  I will leave my cart, whether there are groceries or not, and walk out.   I guess you could say it’s my “limit”.

So now, I will end this blog and order the screen protectors from amazon, free shipping, and less expensive.   Where’s da service???????????

Beep Beep Boop?

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Have I been blind?  Have I not seen the “beep beep boops” on wp when you are changing screens, starting a post?    I know facebook stole some ideas from My Space (which I never used)… My favorite screen comments are on ribbet.com  .   Check it out!  Great way to beef up (or down) photos.   Love the comments, love the site.

Let’s talk about originality, shall we?  Is it possible that two people could paint the same picture, straight out of memory or dreams?  Is it possible for two people to write the very same things?  Is it important that we accept and participate in things that bring out our individuality? creativity? uniqueness?   And if so… why are there many (and I’m not judging as I can be one of these) who is afraid to let it fly regardless of another’s thoughts, approval?

The older I get, the older judgmental and critical thinking get.   I care much less now, of any other time in my life what others think of me.  Alongside that I care much less now, of any other time in my life what others are doing.   That just comes with age.  When I was 40 I became lippy, at 50 liberated. We all have our lives to live, decisions and choices to make.   What’s right for me isn’t right for another, and visa versa.  How do I know what another’s dreams are unless they share that with me?  How do I know what is best for them?  I don’t!  Just as others do not know what is best for me.   Hmm, think I repeated myself there!

Anyway, I’m off to go make something of the next few hours and hope that it’s productive!   Now I bid you a “Good evening” (said in Arthur Hitchcock voice).

 

Perseverance, persistance…

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Today has been a relaxing day reading, resting, watching the tube.  Yesterday I went to Boston with friends to attend a Nerium Regional meeting, which was AWESOME!  Whether you are looking to change your finances, your life, or want to have fun with a great group of people, check out my website:   donnascully.nerium.com  (Has to be accessed from your top browser).   Anyway, I’m really happy with my choice, and really excited about joining this organization.  I’m meeting new friends, looking and feeling much better and least important to me at the moment (which shouldn’t be! LOL) is making moola.  If you want more information email me…  I think you’ll be happy you did!  Not an ordinary product, not an ordinary company, not an ordinary opportunity… psyched psyched psyched!

Anyway, the travel to Boston and back can be a bit long, but I was with two fun and crazy women so it went quicker and was a lot of fun.

I’m reading the book by the founder of Nerium “The Slight Edge”.  Excellent reading, learning, philosophy.  Can be used in all areas of your life.  You might want to check it out!

My thoughts today have been on change.  How exciting and at the same time scary it can be, but how necessary it is for growth.  I have said “Failure is not an option” for the majority of my life, but in The Slight Edge, Jeff Olson spoke about how failure is inevitable and it is a wonderful and powerful way to learn….. Okay, so I’m changing my motto to “perseverance, persistence will get me where I want to go!”

Tomorrow it’s supposed to be a scorcher here.  Oh sweet humidity, you make my body hurt and my hair frizz!  Grateful for air conditioning.

I’m working on a new blog, going outside of my comfort zone to do so… am excited about it and am now off to work on it some more!!!!!!   Have a good night! ♥