The moon lit up a path for my dog (Lilly) and I to walk tonight, our last walk before we retire from a challenging day, at best.
I stopped to peek in and look into my front windows. What do I see? What if I did not know me, what would I see? Would I see the person I want to see? Would I see a home that I would want to live in? To welcome family and friends in?
Am I looking into the home of an honest person? A kind person? A caring person? Or would I see an old, angered, manipulative soul?
Would I see the past scars of hardships? Did the hardships shape or mold me in any way? For the good? Or the bad? Would I see a person whose experiences brought her wisdom, does she share that with others? Or would I see a woman whose outward and inward look feels beaten from life? Or would I see the boldness and hardness or an embittered woman? Would I see a happy, peaceful, gentle home filled with love, welcoming friends and family, or would I see a perfectly placed home, with name brands and picturesque shots from a magazine on Style?
Though the outside of this house is in need of scraping and love, is the inside, the core, the womb warm? Does it hold true to the things and people I love? Does it hold true to me? To the people I have loved and lost? Or am I living in a shrine to the departed?
Do I see artwork that is beautiful, and brings a smile to my face? Or do I hear the poisoned tongue of self criticism, judgement, sadness?
Are there pets? Are they happy? Are they sad? Are they fed?
Does it look like a home with a grateful soul?
Or want lists posted everywhere? Does it feel like the person who lives here has ‘enough’ or too much?
As I walked away, I smiled. This home is far from perfect, and most of the belongings that fill it have been previously loved. I see a warm glow that comes through the curtains, and a cat that’s probably purring while she lays sleeping on a chair cushion. I see artwork that was painted with bright, beautiful, happy palettes, pictures of loved ones loved in their prime, smiling, happy, and just enough dog and cat hair on the floor to say, yup, those animals have a nice life, and so does the woman who lives here. She has made a lovely home for herself, pleasing to the eye, and yet comfortable, welcoming. Swags that were given to her by someone she loves, belongings that have little monetary value and much sentimental. Colors that offer soothing feelings, and a studio that is occupied and utilized daily.
In short, I see my “true colors” shining through. And that? Makes me a happy woman tonight. Happy and very grateful for who I am, where I’ve been, and where I’m going.
So now I’m closing the shades and shutting out the world, it’s time for my girls and I to cuddle and snuggle, and enjoy the plush comforter that will soon touching my skin, echoing my body. I am a very fortunate woman, indeed.