The past couple days have been very good for me. I think I’m rounded a hard corner, as I’ve been fighting off (or attempting to in any way i know possible) depression. I hate going to bed at night because it takes an act of congress for me to find the motivation to get up. I laughed a lot yesterday and today, worked on a variety of projects, and had time with a girlfriend who had me laughing, snorting actually today. Man it felt good.
This week I need to incorporate walking into my daily life. I need exercise. I think it’s the only thing that’s going to get me over the hump. It’s been bad. My depressions aren’t situational or sporadic. I have had four major depressive disorders, all requiring hospitalization at one point or another. The last one which was about five years ago now, hit me the hardest and stayed with me the longest. So I’m very frightful of what this “new one” will be like. I cannot let this take me down, and I will not.
Daily I listen to music, daily I spend time practicing gratitude, I have to come up with three things per day I’m grateful for, three times a day. Sometimes I’m grateful it’s bed time and I don’t have to think up three things. But the past couple days it’s come very easily, so what I am doing is helping. Honestly, I feel like I’m in a fight for my life. Having been through cancer, I can say that it feels a bit like that. I knew I had to act fast, choose drastic treatment options or I could lose my life. Same now. I lost three years to the last one, which was my fourth major depression.
So many things going on in my life. For an average person I’m sure they can cope and deal well with these things. For me, not so much. I’ve been inundated with problems at my house, flooding, squirrels, mice, and now moths, not to mention I have been struggling to get out of my own way. I’ve felt like giving up, and often. Add to that a fall on the ice, and a fall in my home that has left me with a wrist brace that helps with the pain. It’s been 3 weeks , I really need to get it x-rayed. Maybe this week???
My patience has run short, and my desire, even less. So tonight when I picked up the paint brush and started painting a mallard from a picture, it was the first time this year I’ve picked up the brush. And as usual, when I take a couple months off, it’s awkward. Having to find all my tools, get situated. But it was so worth the effort. I worked in three different mediums today, and it felt really good! And tomorrow I can look forward to getting out of bed (I hope) and get back to work on finishing the painting.
I had fun, peaceful days today, got back in touch with myself, the things that I love, and the things that I enjoy doing. Perhaps i’m on the way up and out of this depression. I pray so.
Watching Frasier and getting ready to call it a night. Hope you have had a great day, experienced some joy and peace, and have been blessed with restful, healing sleep.