Tag Archives: spring

Enough snow!

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Well, a couple feet of snow fell on my lawn today.   I haven’t gone out, tomorrow.  I just opened the door, looked, and slammed it.  It is still snowing.   Yup!   Tomorrow it will be fun shoveling the car out of it.

Spent the day working on my first pet portrait.  By the time I went to bed last night I had the eyes, and that was enough to make me feel good.   I’ve never tried doing this before.  I have rarely, if ever, painted real animals.   Painting from a photograph that the details get blurred when you zoom it.

At least I can tell it’s a Corgi, and I think I’ve captured his big personality.  But fur?  That’s for another day.   I am learning from last weeks painting over tantrum to just leave it and relook at it in the morning.

I really don’t mind all the snow, as long as I don’t have to go out in it.  Thursday morning, I do.    That will depend on how they are doing tomorrow with snow removal.   There’s a shitload of snow to find a place for!

Had a very relaxing day, was one with myself, painting.  It was nice not to have to fight off the itty bitty shitty committee that resides in my head.  Well, a little.  But not totality.  That’s progress.

On this 14th day of March, I’m excited to think that winter is almost over.  It’s much easier to say that looking at the date then out the window.

Hope you had a great day!   Blessings!

 

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Creative zoning

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It’s the wee hours of morning.  Many of my friends are just rising.  This is my favorite time of day.  I guess because it’s very quiet, I’m seldom if ever interrupted by the phone, and my creativity screams from 10pm-4am.   So many have expressed their concerns, that I’m isolating, which may be true, but truly, this is a peaceful time for me.

The cat is asleep, I hear her little snore in between the lulls of music.  My studio is in the usual disarray that happens with winds of creativity.  I’ve got two stacks of messy bun hats that are holding up the rooster and turtle paintings, and my large painting table is covered, every inch.  It’s awesome.  When I go into the kitchen to fill my glass with drink, I look at the pile of dishes and smile.   It will end.  Eventually this streak will come to close, or slow anyway, and the dishes will eventually get done!

So many of my friends are struggling, or have been with health issues.   I offer prayers for them whenever I think of them, or see their posts.  I slept and rested today, watching some old television programs on Netflix.  But at 10pm, my mind was thinking of color, texture, and ways to paint certain pieces, effects.

Earlier today when I fell asleep on the couch, I had a dream that recurs.  It’s a painful dream, and I always wake up feeling breathless, and sad.  So I did what I have learned to do, and that is, not run from it, but honor it, and not dissect every bit of it, but lightly think about why now?  Sometimes the answer comes, sometimes it doesn’t.  I’m grateful this dream is not nearly as frequent as it used to be.  And I’ve come to accept I’ll probably have it for life, unless somehow I find resolution.  But there is no resolution.  The best way I knew how to shake it off was with a brush in hand.

I must admit when I rose today I wasn’t thrilled to see it snowing.  As I walk in my yard it’s hard to believe that I will ever see ground again, but I will.   And in Spring when new life grows, and I see the beginning of plants and perennials that survived the winter, I forget all about the tons of white shit that right now fill my yard and block off about 1/3 of my normal driveway.

So, this is where my thoughts are.   On painting, on new beginnings, and sadly, some endings.   It is what it is.

I’m seriously considering taking some classes, art related, maybe even a writing class to get me seriously actively pursuing a lifelong dream.

Plans to stay up all day today, and try to curve myself back into the schedule of the majority of the world.   We shall see how that goes.

Peace to you,

 

Spring… I’m jumping on springs!

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It has been a very busy week for me, but a good week.   I have been “good tired” from all.  It’s a wonderful tired, unlike that of depression, pain.    I have been feeling so well I don’t want to change anything, or “rock the boat”.   Now past the fear of “losing it”, I am very much enjoying it.  It seems like a lifetime since I have felt this good.

A conglomeration of a perfected drug regime, two years of therapy, twice, sometimes 3 times a week, monthly appointments with my psychiatrist, what seemed to be a pouring of pain from my soul was and is met with compassion, suggestions, coping skills.   I am humbled, I am grateful for both my therapist and psychiatrist.  I am grateful for my desire and commitment to taking care of myself and learning, at the age of 52, how to love myself.    I’m not fooling myself into thinking this is “happily ever after”… I know better.  There will be times ahead where I will need to delve deep into all that I have and am learning, but today, right now, my life is exempt from further loss, pain of such, or depression.  Hallelujah!

I participated in a festival of arts in Massachusetts this past weekend.  It was the first time in years that I set up a booth with my artwork.   Having passed the torch and props to neighbors and friends who have started a new business, and who were so generously willing to lend me some of their antiques and displays to have the booth, I went well prepared.   At first I was a bit nervous, as I unpacked my wares, but in no time I got into it and enjoyed the process.  Every travel teaching gig, every show, no matter how well organized and prepared I am, I inevitably forget something.  This trip?  I forgot what I selling!  My packets!    It worked out fine.  I did not dwell, in fact, was able to laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

I spent a day and two nights with my girlfriend from Newfoundland, Canada whose normally 9 hour ferry trip turned into 3 days and 3 nights, they were “stuck on ice”.   As she was sharing the story I just kept shaking my head and laughing… only Anna Marie…only Anna Marie would experience something like this!  Well, that and the 799 other passengers whose plans were largely squelched in ice.

It was so nice to connect with others again.   Heck it was nice to SEE others again.  What seemed to be a very long endless winter, thus isolation from even neighbors, shelter from the storms, has ended.   Hope, new birth, warm temperatures and sunshine have returned.   It was evident on the faces of all who attended.   Winter’s in New England are not easy, and we survived another!   It was enjoyable sharing about art, life with friends and students of past, and some, the future.   It was also wonderful to hear compliments on my artwork, and feeling sincere concern from many who inquired as to how I was feeling, understanding the depth of darkness I have crawled out of.   It was nice seeing sincere happiness from others that I am doing so well.    Grateful…I am grateful. 

With my house once again turned upside down with what remains of my booth, I am sitting, looking at it with admiration.  I did it!   I did it!  I really did it!

As the train is passing by, only resting from whistling once every 6 seconds, I am very much aware of my surroundings, I am very much aware of how fortunate I am to have woken up this morning, to a new day…granted another day.

My psychiatrist told me that I get into trouble because I stop doing what I need to do to stay well.  Not intentional, not even consciously.   I have been vigilant of late in continuing and committing to doing things to help myself.  Grateful…I am grateful.

Grateful…I am grateful.

 

 

Hurray! An Awesome Day!

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What a great day I had today!   Warm temperatures, the icebergs in my yard are shrinking fast, the sun is shining, blue skies, birds are chirping, I watched a mouse scramble around my rose bushes… and the paint brush is a flowing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Music blaring through my bose, I close my eyes and let it roll through me, my muse.    I did something new, I am playing songs that make me happy, not make me think of sad things.  Yah, well it may come natural to you, but it hasn’t me.   I’m learning coping skills, how to help myself, I’m learning how to live a different way.  With this day I know it’s paying off…It’s paying off!

While painting I barely heard this crash…  Hmmm, I realize Sophie is in the kitchen.  I brush it off, I’m on a roll…When I finally go out there she had pulled the placemat over to her which is on the island, dishes for cat food.  Well, she broke their water and milk dish, their dry food dish, all to get to their dry cat food which, I must say, that white buffalo china plate is clean.   As I write this I am realizing I’m rather foolish to use my favorite bbq plates.  Will be changing that…

I have made up my mind and committed to another painting event.   I’m excited about it.   I have decided to recommit myself to my career in the decorative arts field.    It’s a good decision, I know that because of how I am feeling today.  This is a rarity.  I wish this day would never end!

Well, I’m off to go eat my green beans and get back to painting.  Hope you are having a great day because I sure AM!   Woot Woot! ♥

 

Hope changes

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I just had a swearing session on my facebook regarding winter and the joys of owning a home, singly.   The “f” word popped out.  I’m sure some will unfriend me, so be it.  Sometimes that is the ONLY word that pertains to frustrating situations!

imagesCA0W3YU4Yesterday I heard thunder, and saw a robin.    While thunder storms are not unheard of in February they are indeed rare.   The robin was perched on the eave of my shed.   It made me smile.   I know not all migrate but I am pretending they do and that Spring is on the cusp of tomorrow, or the day after, the day after, the day after….

Took advantage of the sunshine and warm weather today to get some things done around the house.   Managed to get a large area rug rolled up and thrown out on the porch that has been soiled by the new dog.  Thank GOD we are over that period.    Remaining on the hardwood floor was lots of sand that fell through the rug for a year or so.    I put on music (honestly, I don’t want to think about what my life would be like without it!) put on my flip-flops, and proceeded to “flipping and flopping” around the house.images (19)  Actually, hours later I am still wearing them.   I also took them off and stood barefoot in the sand.   I can do this, I can do this, I can do this….   After swearing like a parrot (Hey, my dad was in the Navy, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it) I finally did get a new door knob and dead bolt installed on one of my outer doors.   Had to work on the toilet this morning, it kept running… and changed the filter in my furnace.   Oh how I am enjoying home ownership..> NOT!      I thought about painting a huge sign “House for Sale” and planting it in the huge pile of snow in the front yard, right next to my mailbox post that resides without the mailbox.

The rain from yesterday melted snow and made it very heavy on roofs and places that can potentially be dangerous.   It flowed right into my cellar…   This is not new, but it is nonetheless frustrating.    Tonight I plan to sit in the quiet of my art room, music softly playing in the background, just enough that I can still hear the animals snoring in the next room.    I am working on a piece that I really like, am hopeful that after exerting this energy and getting a couple chores chipped off my “honey do it yourself” list that I will enjoy a peaceful night.  My temper tantrum did tire me out, so I am not going to regret throwing my arms around, screaming and swearing… it was release!

Today’s sunshine had my head slanted back and face peering up at the sun.  It felt great.  Sucking up some Vitamin D.   It truly did renew hope within me.   Hope that the earth will reveal itself again, that the grass will turn green, the trees will fill in, flowers will pop up and I will once again hear birds chirp.

Hope changes.  I am repeatedly reminded that it is always darkest before the dawn and to hang tough, hang strong, this too shall pass.  The relief that comes after I drop to my knees, surrender my will over to God and accept whatever is in front of me.   Relief.   Things that I had once hoped for passed by making no appearance.   I then reassess and find hope in another area.  It changes.  Hope changes.

mms_picture (2)I’m off to touch my brush to canvas.   Have accomplished enough today.  I am gifting myself with painting tonight.    I am looking forward to doing so.   Hope you have a good night!  ♥

Let the sun shine in…..

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It’s beautiful outside!  Not only is it warm, but the sun is shining, the snow and ice are melting (at least for a day or two).  It feels GREAT!  I am reminded of the phrase “We are always given what we need”.  I really needed a break in the cold dismal weather to warm up my weary bones.  Thank you Mother Nature!

How exciting it is to see dirt, mud in my driveway today.  How nice to feel like Spring is here (if you close your eyes and pretend that the 3′ of snow, the 5″ thick of ice is gone).  I actually envisioned my flower garden today, I visualized green grass, birds nesting in my bird houses, tulips and crocuses emerging from earth… it was such a nice vision!  It is a vision of Hope…

I went to Town today to do some errands.    The nice weather brought a lot of people out.  It’s nice to see people happy, smiling, hopeful.  It’s rather funny living in the country, close in proximity to neighbors and not seeing them for months during Winter.  It is not uncommon here.  Typically when we all resurface we have some winter poundage to shed.  Speaking of that, today I bought fruit, vegetables, the change in weather affects my cravings.  I do not feel the longing to fill my face with comfort foods.

Yup, we are always given what we need.  Today the sun shined down and kissed my soul with hope.  Thank you Mother Nature!!!!!!!