Tag Archives: comedy

Should’ve known better…


Earlier today when I started to walk outside my front door in only a long t-shirt, that alone should’ve warned me to keep my ass home today.  If only.

Anyway, post sleeping the majority of the day, I wake up to realize I’m low on cold meds, so I get in my car and drive to Walgreens.    My head feels about three times its normal size….   “If I die, I die”  I’m thinking.  Yes I did say that.     6 miles up the road I get pulled over, blaring blue lights, was kind of pretty in my review window and side mirrors…

“License and registration please?”   I asked permission to get into my purse.    “Where are you going in such a hurry?”    My throat is raw, I’m trying to remember exactly where I put all my driving stuff.    I fortunately just registered my car yesterday BEFORE it actually ran out.   “Bear with me, I am not feeling well.     I was headed to Walgreens for meds or to find a job as a Barry White impersonator”.       I find the info, hand it to him, he then asks for my insurance….   I find that too in my purse.

As he goes back to the cruiser I’m thinking “How much is this jot going to cost me??”   He comes back, issues me a verbal warning.  I thank him, tell him I appreciate the break.  As I continue on my way I realize i haven’t eaten anything all day, so perhaps I should go to McD’s for McNuggets.  (My niece got me hooked on these a few days ago).

I drive to McDonald’s and order “Two large teas, light ice, and 20 pieces of McNuggets, whichever way is cheaper”.    I was reading on the ordering menu that they had buy one get one free.  Oh great, I thought, tomorrow’s lunch!

I go to the window that they tell me to go to “the Pay here” window.  No one is there.  I wait.   No one comes, there is another car now behind me.  Okay, so I pull up to the next window.     “Oh, you can pay here!”     What sauce do you want?  blah blah blah

So I’m driving home instead of pulling over to get myself situated.   I just need to get to Walgreens and get my sick ass home.     On the highway I managed to open one box of McNuggets and felt my way through the bag for a container of sweet and sour sauce.    It slips out of my hand, I can feel my pants getting wet… Oh God.   Now I realize I have somehow managed to get sauce all over my steering wheel.    My hands were icky sticky with goo.     I give up on the sauce, and eat a few plain nuggets, driving slowly to not get stopped again.    Alas, I am home.   I get inside, my head is throbbing, my hopes for painting tonight are questionable as I walk thru my studio.    With a tea in one hand and the bag and my purse in my right (Believe me, my left hand is just indignant.  I will hold onto things with it I don’t even realize I am holding until my gf says “Do you think you can put that down?”   Shaking my head.    Seriously, I didn’t know what to do with this hand when I was playing basketball as a kid.   So any pics of me playing my hand looks like it has been broken, as I looked so foolishly on the courts.

I drive in my yard, alas.  I am home.    When the light comes on in my car it looks like a couple of packets of sauce made their way to my steering wheel AND my odometer.    It was all over the place.    I try to clean up what I can with napkins.    Hold on Donna, you’re almost there, you’re almost there.

I walk into my house balancing bags in my right hand, tea in my left.    My left hand did not disappoint (nor the added amount of tea from special ordering “light ice!”  I just dropped the tea.  All over it goes, on my island, my mail, and whatever else was on my island.   I want to cry, but by this time stubborness has kicked in, I am not going to let this get me down!    I move to find paper towel and SLIP on the tile floor that also is covered in sweet tea, and I unskillfully and comically landed in the middle of the puddle.  My hands still sticky with goo, trying to pull myself together, I manage to find the paper towel and used an entire roll of THE GOOD STUFF to get it cleaned up, and that wasn’t well either.   I proceed to the bathroom, peel off my pants that now smell like a combination of sweet and sour sauce mixed with sweet tea.

If anyone is looking for me, I’m heading back to bed before something else happens!  Oh yeah, I forgot to go to Walgreens, too!


Holy Heat


Heat has hit here in New England.   We went from having our furnaces on for a week, to installing my portable air conditioners in one day!   I guess I really should think about shaving my legs.

Had a great day of painting.   Let’s see, today I sketched, painted, grooved to some great music!  My mom is staying with me for a few weeks, anyway I thought she was outside so when Michael McDonald came on, I really rocked it!     I didn’t put my brush down for the fake mic, but close.    I stand up, dance, and walked into my living room and there sits my mom.     “Did you enjoy the concert, mom?”

Painting vegetables, fruit, sunflowers, and sketched my first person today.  He needs some work, and I can’t stand this guy, in fact, I loathe him, but I’ve been studying a picture of him for weeks, thinking about how exactly to draw it, what are his strongest features?  Maybe I’ll use it for target shooting!

I have four inches of roots showing on my head.   Is it not a wonder I have been using the widest headband I could find?  Thankfully tomorrow, hopefully, I’ll look human again.  I don’t know about having my hair done and shaving my legs on the same day.  It just might be too much excitement!

Still standing with our President!    I believe when the heats on, you step in and do what you can to support the person.

Well, I think I’ll head to bed early, have some research to do, and I love doing that when I crawl into my cozy spot, give thanks for another day, and pray for my family, my friends, my country, my President, and all service peeps, veterans, AND…. whoever reads this!





Happy Birthday, my friend


We were so young when we met.  My God, were we ever that young?   The first time I met her she came to my house with my brother.  Dressed classy, wearing a very wide brim hat, my brother introduced her as his date.   I laugh when I think of this, because I know her very well know.  She has this one look where she puts her head up in the air, as if daring fate to come get her.    At first I thought she was a snob.  I suppose that is why I laugh when I think of that face.

A disastrous marriage to my only brother, two sons that have brought so much joy to my life.  A friendship that has spanned over broken relationships, deaths, 30 years.    She was more than my sister-in-law, she was my friend through so much.   The laughter, the tears, the fears.   We have helped each other walk through some very painful parts of life.   And more important than that, we have LAUGHED our way through it.   Things that you never thought you could joke about, become humorous with someone who knows you like a book.

As years came to be, and she shared of her childhood, struggles, I grew to respect her more each passing year.   It isn’t easy for someone who has been walked over, to stand up and fight back.   But she has.   Stereotypic essential relationships that should have gifted her with confidence, esteem, and overall sense of self respect delivered exact opposite, or was meant to.   I witnessed things over the years that made me so sad for her.   But also, made me love her all the more.

After the divorce, and a bitchy evil “step mother” stepping into the scenario, I was summoned more than once to cease my relationship with her, after all, we were no longer related!    But that only served to set my heels in deeper.  Why would I sever a relationship that was essential to me?  Why would I sever a relationship based on lies that were being told about her?   More than once, more than a handful, I got into shouting matches with my family.   I was the bad one, for keeping up the relationship.   Shaking my head.    Yet it was this woman who stayed up with me ALL night, for months on end, playing Literati, helping me walk through some of the hardest times of my life.  No, I guess we were no longer related, but we were friends.  I know we will always be friends.

I have seen her shape from a broken uncertain soul, into an amazing woman.   Now a grandmother, she and her husband took a plunge and moved across country.  I encouraged her.  It was time.  Always a mother, she would still be available as she was when near, and this day and age of technology, a phone call can now be face to face, expressions inclusive.   But it was time for them to do for themselves.   I don’t think it was an easy decision, given the level of family commitment they have, but it was a good decision, for all.

I’ve watched my nephews mature.  They are GOOD human beings.  I’m proud of them.   Was she a perfect mother?  Why YES ( 🙂 )…. who EVER is perfect?   It’s impossible.  We are designed to be perfectly imperfect, she, no exception.    For whatever she would do differently today, she taught her children to NEVER GIVE UP.   It is okay to take a couple day sabbatical, but then?  Then you get up, and you start over.   Defy the powerful forces that had great potential to tear flesh, break your spirit.   Put your head up high, and walk however you must towards self love, acceptance, success.   Stick that nose up in the air if it helps you walk through fire, whatever it takes!    This is why I smiled at the beginning of the blog.  That snobbish look she can give, I know what’s behind it.

She has walked through fire.   She has taken my hand and walked with me, through fire.   I am in awe of her strength, and the person she has become.   I’m proud of her and what she has done with her life.  She is courageous, intelligent TO A FAULT.   I don’t care if her last name has changed, or where she is in the world, she will ALWAYS be my sister-in-law, and she will ALWAYS be the mother of two beautiful souls that I love dearly.   I am grateful for her existence in my life.

As typical, I sit here with a sign from above.   I am laughing, because I smell birthday candles.  I have actually gotten up and looked around my house to make sure there is no flame anywhere.   I bet you I know who is sending you birthday wishes from the other side!   The same person you drove 3-4 hours in bad weather to say goodbye, who adored your boys, too.  Or maybe?   It’s the person who I know loved you deeply.  The woman who I know you loved dearly.   I know when she died you were broken, felt like the truest form of love you had ever experienced had all been lost.  But it wasn’t!   You passed on what she taught you to your boys, and I know will, your grandchildren.   She exists in you, and no doubt, is very proud of you.

Thank you for all your love, support, friendship, hours spent listening to me.  Thank you for loving my art, for caring about my family in spite of all the difficulties in the past.   Thank you for sharing some of the BEST belly laughs I’ve ever had.    I am grateful for your existence in my life.  I am grateful for you.

On this day I want to wish you a very happy birthday.  You deserve the best.  You have fought your way through much, and you are still standing, as beautiful as ever, with the best looking legs I have ever seen on a real person!    Have an awesome day!   I love you, and I look forward to many more years with you and our “boys”.

What a great time!


Five minutes after I arrived home from a painting convention today I fell into bed.   I was so tired but fell asleep and woke up with a smile on my face.    What a great time.  I taught three classes, had AWESOME students who kept me entertained and were ever so willing to hear my funny stories.   It’s so good to laugh, isn’t it?

My first class I was 5 minutes late to.  I got caught in city traffic.  I’m not used to that!      I refused to get upset about it, and when I arrived at class my students were happy to see me, they all pitched in, got everything together, helped set everything up and we were off.    Only help, love… no criticism, anger.   It was a very nice way to start the convention.

The first day I left my purse in a public seating area.  Fortunately one student (who was actually in my class last night), brought my purse up to the desk, very wisely took action and it was returned to me while teaching a class.   I wasn’t even aware that I didn’t have it!   Now move forward to last night and one of my wild friends from upstate VT had left her purse somewhere and they had it in lost and found.  How VERY NICE it is to know that there are still honest people out there who care.   It renews faith in humanity, ya know what I mean?

The first class I taught was Sallie Snow woman, everyone did great.   I suggested and they were excited about getting prints made of their painting and making their own Christmas cards!    I look forward to seeing them…. (Hint Hint…. send with chocolate!)   No, just kidding.  I’m off sugar.

Also during class a friend, fellow artist stopped in to visit and gifted me with a pack of her cards which are prints of some of her many beautiful paintings.  It was so nice!    It really made me smile!

I also realized that I had unintentionally left two pertinent colors at home on my table.   Well, I didn’t fret.  Two crazy assed friends from Maine were able to help me.  As we went up to their room they were entertaining me with a very funny.    I see panty shields in my future conventions!

Things worked out smoothly, without planning that I was able to see girlfriends and spent time with them between classes and commitments.  I love it when things flow with little or no effort.

Last nights class which we named “Saturday night live!”, we were laughing so hard that the teacher and students in the classroom next to ours ran over to find out what was so funny.     I love it when everyone is comfortable sharing funny stories, particularly female stories.  My goodness, it is so healing!

All day Saturday I was feeling “dizzy”.   Sort of “falling over” feeling.   About an hour into class last night my students were busy so I sat down, threw one leg over the other and realized that the sole of my dansko had disintegrated.    CHUNKS of rubber were missing, and the thick sole on the heel was gone!  No WONDER I felt dizzy.    I had seen all this black stuff on the carpet and wondered who the heck had taught in there the class before!    It was chunks of my sole!     Today as I walked around the trade show my every other step my shoe would stick to the cement floor.   It was so funny.  I drove barefoot on the way home, afraid that my shoe may stick to one of the peddles.

Another time I was trying to get my girlfriends attention who was sitting at one of the front tables.  Gail!  Gail!   Gail?   It was like she was in another world.  Even the girls sitting behind said “Gail, Gail” and she didn’t respond.  I just figured she was entranced in her “ever so her” usual acts of helping someone else, in this case the woman sitting next to her.    A few minutes later I was talking to her and said “Gail” again and she said “Michelle!”    I KNOW HER NAME!   I KNOW HER!   We are twin daughters of different mothers.  Why the heck did I do that?   Have you ever been so tired that you do such stupid things that it makes it all the funnier?    She also told me that she told her husband if something should happen to her, he is to split her painting supplies up between her friends and call me….  FOR A DATE!     Is that not the sweetest thing ever?

Yeah, it was a wonderful time.  A very busy time but many great memories were made, beautiful paintings were done, lessons were learned and laughter could be heard all over.  It rocked!     As I drove home, I thought about how kind, caring, and the sisterhood that decorative painting industry holds.   Helping one another, sharing stories, supplies…  What a great group of people.   I will remember more as I unpack and get back to my life.  I know I am forgetting to share other funny stories.   These are gems nuggets of gold that will keep me warm in the coldest of winter to come.

I am so inspired that I want to stay up all night and paint, but I’m just too tired to unpack my jeep!   But what a good tired… what a good tired.

Yes, I am one fortunate woman to have god given talent that I can share with others.  For all the wonderful and long term friendships and new ones started that have sprouted from teaching.   I feel very blessed.   As I head out to Long Beach, CA in 10 days to a Nerium convention, I know that there I will be with childhood friends, long term friends and will meet new friends as well.   I’m a very fortunate woman.   God has blessed me with so much.

Love to all…..

The wonderful world of Donna….


Heavy rain, high winds and a german shepherd that wouldn’t do her business but stood out there (with of course moia) with her nose in the air for 15 minutes.  Drenched, I brought her in, would not feed her until she did, so back out in the rain, this time only 10 minutes.    She’s on a leash now because I have neighbors whose pit bull attacked my dogs, 2 feet from my back step and they’ve been ticked off at me ever since I reported them, so they reported her pooping in their yard.    Hell, if I could get away with it, I would!   The winds are so strong I saw Toto flying by in a basket.

Spent yesterday finalizing taxes.  Realized this morning that one of the cats vomited on them so back to the computer and squeaked by on ink for the printer.  Everything happens for a reason, I guess I wasn’t supposed to have enough ink to write a letter to the Board of Health letting them know how filthy my house is at the moment!

Another cat who jumped up on the table I was working at, knocking neatly stacked piles of pattern packets, bills, and more.   One of the bills miraculously fell into the waste basket so I left it.  Everything happens for a reason, right?

A sink full of freshly drawn water, bleach, dish detergent, allowing the 3 days of crust to loosen up for cleaning, and three bottles of prescriptions fell into that.  Fortunately I was right there, pulled them out before much damage was done.

The oldest (geriatric) cat’s loud howl every time I go into the kitchen (which I forget what I went in there for) because she “forgot” that I fed her an hour before.

The little terrier has been the best behaved, laying in “her chair” just watching the circus around her.  God bless her.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to the humane society before they close to see if they have 2 more dogs (preferably humungous sized) that I can adopt, now that the German Shepherd (whom I believed was fixed) is out of heat.

Everything happens for a reason, right?  How is your day going?  And now?  a missing purse….

PS  Yesterday I found a tick embedded in the back of my head.  If it were a brain sucker it would have starved.   Dousing that with alcohol and hydrogen peroxide.  I wasn’t even in the woods, I was sitting outdoors for a short bit of time.    fUN!



My sixth sense….. HUMOR


Lesson #3:  Be sure to take the time to tie the laces on your Sorels (boots) before carrying your dog to poop.   Stepping out of a boot into a foot of snow is NOT fun!


“You girls get out there and pick up the table”…my father used to say every night after dinner.  So my sisters and I would go out into the kitchen, pick up the table and wait til he saw us.   We would have to take turns at who washed and who dried the dishes.    I preferred to dry because my sis would always give me back a dish and say “It’s dirty”.   Then she would turn her head and smile.   “MOM, Darlene is making me wash clean dishes!” …. My mother replied  “Well, there are worse things that could happen, Donna!”

I love my family’s sense of humor.  Every one of us, including my parents, my aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins all  have wonderful sense of humor.    My father, a kind, very gentle man would include his on his very infrequent bouts of anger.    My mother was in a particularly bossy mood one weekend.  “Do this, do that, get this done, get that done…not to just us kids but also my father.    She and I were backing out of the driveway to go get groceries and she hollered out the window of that big old Ford wagon (with grained sides) “Don’t forget to do fix Pooey’s chain!” (our black lab).   My father, with a look of disgust, with force in his voice said “Would you like me to shove a broom up my ass and sweep the floor while I’m at it?”   I will never forget that.   I was laughing so hard, turning my head so my mother couldn’t see, which was stupid because she could certainly hear me! imagesCAADX7KJ

My former fiancée had a wonderful sense of humor as well.   When I would be in a less than flattering mood he would put his finger up in the air and say “One minute, I’m going to run downstairs and see where you left your sense of humor!”

I don’t know where I would be in my life without my sense of humor.   I have learned to find humor in almost anything.  It is a coping mechanism, it is a light and airy twist to the toughest of times.    It used to be a person could be a complete jerk, but if he had a sense of humor, it was his redeeming quality.  I still laugh if a jerk is funny, but I’m not so quick to befriend him/her.  fake I sometimes think the more difficult experiences, the deeper our sense of humor grows.  This is a t-shirt my niece sent me while I was going through breast cancer.

My brother was the youngest of us five children and the only boy.   He walked into the house one day just as my sister, Karla, was explaining what a “front” was.   Honestly this girl should have been a weather reporter.   “It’s when the hot air hits the cold”…my brother walked in as she was explaining this to me and my youngest sister.  He says “Well, I just fronted then!”

I believe that to be able to laugh at another you must first be able to laugh at yourself, really laugh at yourself.   I am fairly adept at that now!  Sometimes when I’m driving or sitting in my car outside a store trying to talk myself into going in, I get to laughing at things.  I bet on more than one occasion a passerby thought I was nuts!   (No comment from the peanut gallery is necessary here!)  What is most interesting is that each of us have our own sense of humor.   monkey Some of you will not laugh at this, I think it’s hysterical!  You just have to take what you like and leave the rest! This picture was taken upstairs at the Vermont Country Store a couple years ago.  I assure you, all I did was snap a pic!

I remember one year teaching at HOOT (a decorative arts convention in Columbus Ohio).  I had a full class, 35 students I think.   I like to entertain my students in between instruction because first, I find most of us learn better in a relaxed environment, and second, it tends to keep their focus on whatever the joke or story is and fuss, worry less about their painting.   Well, I thought I was being particularly funny, and only one of two people would laugh.  A couple of minutes later there would be laughter in the room and I wanted in!  “Hey, what are you guys laughing at?”  “We just caught on to the joke you said five minutes ago!”    It has been suggested on numerous occasions that I do stand up comedy, but I couldn’t do that.   I am really good about beating myself up as it is, if I were to do comedy I wouldn’t want to target anyone but myself….  my therapist surely wouldn’t like it!

Off to give my Lilly some lovin!   That’s another thing, how humorous my animals are.   It’s fun to observe them.   Have good night, day, weekend, …..life in case I don’t see you again!  I hope today you have been able to enjoy a sixth sense…. “Humor!”

I  call this painting “Winter in New England”   imagesCAAAWH53

Sarah, I’m changing my name to Sarah!


I am procrastinating.  The next thing on my list is to clean my house…..    For the life of me I do not understand why it gets so cluttered AND its been almost a decade since Jim has lived here and his spit is still in the sink every morning from brushing his teeth!    WHOOPS, I guess it was mine all along!

Have been thinking about music, how much it means to me.   While listening to Sirius radio today, John Cougar came on.  Then he was John Cougar Mellencamp, and them John Mellencamp.  How about the artist “formerly known as Prince?”    So I was thinking, I’m going to change my name, forget my past and just redefine myself.  How about Sarah, Sarah Serandon?  That sounds like a nice name.  Screw the married name, which is the only evidence left of that marriage.  I stayed with it because it was my published name….And others liked it “Dana Scully”…”Donna Scully”.   Yah, I’m done with it…. Sarah, call me Sarah, the artist formerly known as Donna Scully!

Mission clean out continues.  For the first time in the history of my living here (some 25 years) my cellar is empty.  It has a few things of paint, but the walls are bare, it needs a good cleaning, vacuuming, I want to get that done before winter, and there are nut shells down there from the frigan squirrels.   I had thought they were gone, I think one remains.   There is no furniture waiting to be painted, no wood, metal or tin waiting to become a masterpiece…I am freeing up my backpack and starting anew.  Wish Sarah luck!

Temperatures were into one digits last night.  When my fireplace is going my living room and studio get up to 80 degrees.  The highest it gets with the furnace (or the highest I allow it to get) is 68, sometimes 70.   I normally wouldn’t like 80 degrees, would make me bitchy, but there is nothing quite like a fireplace, wood, penetrating, warmth to the bone.

I’m considering cooking this year, Thanksgiving dinner.  I haven’t done this in over a decade.   We shall see.  The majority of holiday gatherings were at my house, my sister and I would cook, and laugh our butts off all day.   I have been thinking about this because a close friend of mine just lost someone very close to him, someone that they baked cookies together every year.   Darlene and I did that, too.     I don’t think I would even remember how to baste a turkey!   Thank God for the internet!

Now I will go and start some laundry, clean my home.   When I start to get the “screw its”, I’ll think about how nice it will be to come downstairs tomorrow morning to a spic and span house!    Peace….

What was I thinking?


When I was 17 I, like every other 17 year old girl, thought I was in need of losing some weight.  Not thrilled about exercising I ordered a pair of “Slim Skins” out of the back of a soap opera magazine for $29.95.     They were made of rubber, silver in color.  You plugged them into your vacuum cleaner and would do some exercises and supposedly the fat would just melt away.  Oh Yes!  The ad showed it happening!

Well, first…my mother wondered why I suddenly took to cleaning my room 3 times a day!  Second, ANY exercise would help, so why was it I felt the need to put on these metallic silver rubber pants and exercise?  Third?  I ended up with a GIANT hickey from where the vacuum cleaner plugged into the pants.    This was a bit of an inconvenience because it was summer,  I didn’t want anyone to see this purple sphere shaped hickey on my thigh so I wore long pants for a week until it went away.   

But just imagine… exercising with a vacuum cleaner hose plugged into the “skins” on your thigh, and in rubber!   My kid sister and brother decided to have some fun.   It had been a couple of days, my ENTIRE family was now suspicious, why was Donna vacuuming her bedroom 3 times a day?  They had apparently done some investigating when I was not home.  They lay patiently waiting for me to plug in the skins again… to which they opened up my bedroom door just as I was doing this and snapped a photo!   Gawd I hope that is no where to be found!  To take it one step further, my brother thought it would be funny to reverse the vacuum cleaner and see what happened…. Well, they got bigger and bigger and then they POPPED!

Slim Skins, $29.95… melts away your fat by just wearing them 30 minutes a day!  When you opened the package the “30 minutes a day” included an exercise program that I should have been doing ANYWAY!

I must say though, the colors that came from that hickey were spectacular!