Earlier today when I started to walk outside my front door in only a long t-shirt, that alone should’ve warned me to keep my ass home today. If only.
Anyway, post sleeping the majority of the day, I wake up to realize I’m low on cold meds, so I get in my car and drive to Walgreens. My head feels about three times its normal size…. “If I die, I die” I’m thinking. Yes I did say that. 6 miles up the road I get pulled over, blaring blue lights, was kind of pretty in my review window and side mirrors…
“License and registration please?” I asked permission to get into my purse. “Where are you going in such a hurry?” My throat is raw, I’m trying to remember exactly where I put all my driving stuff. I fortunately just registered my car yesterday BEFORE it actually ran out. “Bear with me, I am not feeling well. I was headed to Walgreens for meds or to find a job as a Barry White impersonator”. I find the info, hand it to him, he then asks for my insurance…. I find that too in my purse.
As he goes back to the cruiser I’m thinking “How much is this jot going to cost me??” He comes back, issues me a verbal warning. I thank him, tell him I appreciate the break. As I continue on my way I realize i haven’t eaten anything all day, so perhaps I should go to McD’s for McNuggets. (My niece got me hooked on these a few days ago).
I drive to McDonald’s and order “Two large teas, light ice, and 20 pieces of McNuggets, whichever way is cheaper”. I was reading on the ordering menu that they had buy one get one free. Oh great, I thought, tomorrow’s lunch!
I go to the window that they tell me to go to “the Pay here” window. No one is there. I wait. No one comes, there is another car now behind me. Okay, so I pull up to the next window. “Oh, you can pay here!” What sauce do you want? blah blah blah
So I’m driving home instead of pulling over to get myself situated. I just need to get to Walgreens and get my sick ass home. On the highway I managed to open one box of McNuggets and felt my way through the bag for a container of sweet and sour sauce. It slips out of my hand, I can feel my pants getting wet… Oh God. Now I realize I have somehow managed to get sauce all over my steering wheel. My hands were icky sticky with goo. I give up on the sauce, and eat a few plain nuggets, driving slowly to not get stopped again. Alas, I am home. I get inside, my head is throbbing, my hopes for painting tonight are questionable as I walk thru my studio. With a tea in one hand and the bag and my purse in my right (Believe me, my left hand is just indignant. I will hold onto things with it I don’t even realize I am holding until my gf says “Do you think you can put that down?” Shaking my head. Seriously, I didn’t know what to do with this hand when I was playing basketball as a kid. So any pics of me playing my hand looks like it has been broken, as I looked so foolishly on the courts.
I drive in my yard, alas. I am home. When the light comes on in my car it looks like a couple of packets of sauce made their way to my steering wheel AND my odometer. It was all over the place. I try to clean up what I can with napkins. Hold on Donna, you’re almost there, you’re almost there.
I walk into my house balancing bags in my right hand, tea in my left. My left hand did not disappoint (nor the added amount of tea from special ordering “light ice!” I just dropped the tea. All over it goes, on my island, my mail, and whatever else was on my island. I want to cry, but by this time stubborness has kicked in, I am not going to let this get me down! I move to find paper towel and SLIP on the tile floor that also is covered in sweet tea, and I unskillfully and comically landed in the middle of the puddle. My hands still sticky with goo, trying to pull myself together, I manage to find the paper towel and used an entire roll of THE GOOD STUFF to get it cleaned up, and that wasn’t well either. I proceed to the bathroom, peel off my pants that now smell like a combination of sweet and sour sauce mixed with sweet tea.
If anyone is looking for me, I’m heading back to bed before something else happens! Oh yeah, I forgot to go to Walgreens, too!