Tag Archives: reflection

Reviewing processes

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The past few weeks I’ve been reflecting and dissecting what I would like to do with the rest of my life.  What do I like?  What don’t I like?  What are my dreams?  Are they feasible?  What are my needs?   I’ve also been writing up a business plan for myself, which in itself has been a very interesting journey.  I’ve changed it three times.

I’ve also participated for two days (another four to go) in an art challenge to post pics of my art on my facebook page for six days.  This, too, has been an interesting process.   I’m reviewing photos that I have, which aren’t exactly organized like someone dominantly left brained would do, but I’m only 25% there, so I’m giving myself a break!

4-5 years ago my life came to a crashing halt.  I couldn’t get out of bed, I didn’t want to paint, write, and was incapable of making any decisions for myself.   Fortunately my strong mother jumped in and helped, and after hospitalization for two weeks, I was diagnosed with Major Clinical Depression.  This was not the first time, but the fourth.  I must say to you, it’s been hell trying to come back from it.

Why do I mention such a personal thing?  Because I’m an idiot!   🙂   Most people do not confess such, because of the stigma attached to mental illness.  I want others to know who are suffering with such, it’s okay, you’re not a freak, you aren’t crazy, you are sick, and encourage you to get help.  For me it meant some serious psychological drugs, many therapy sessions, a lot of writing, a lot more of praying.  It is still a monkey on my back, but I am learning, everyday to replace the negative talk in my head.  Some days I’m successful with this, some days not.

Back to the art challenge, as I’m surfing through pages of photos of my artwork, which also have pics of other aspects of my life, love, marriage, breast cancer, family, friends, pets, artwork, gardens, etc… I must say, I feel good about things that I have accomplished in my life.  In spite of the crap that came rolling into it, I’m still standing, and there are days, still, too many, that it’s very hard for me to get out of bed and face the day.   But it was nice to see things I’ve done, the magazines my artwork and needlecraft designs were in, interviews with me as a visual artist, and a fiber artist.  I even had artwork on the cover of magazines I think twice.  How quickly these accomplishments fall by the way side when you’re looking at it through the dark eyes of depression.

So, I’m feeling a bit chipper tonight, painted a little bit today.  Plan to spend a few hours tomorrow doing the same.   We are supposedly having an arctic cold blast this weekend.  I’ve stocked up on the necessities, my mom is here visiting for the weekend.  If I don’t kill her, by the time Monday comes around I should be in good shape! 🙂

The message today is… Hang on.   Hang strong.   Celebrate the good days, and do all you can to survive the bad.   It may be worth your while to dive into some pictures yourself.

Sending you peace and love

 

 

 

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Living well….what defines your life

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Much of my life I spent thinking that everyone else had the “secret or answer” to life, and I was the one left out, running, scurrying around looking for the key to happiness.  I ALSO thought that the difficult times of my life did not count towards what defined my life or self, only the happy times.

Thank GOD for maturity, growth, and knowledge!

Today I see things so differently.  First off, life is so much more than just about being happy.  Happiness is something we strive for and can and may achieve in spite of all the obstacles, challenges and things that come into our lives.  I know now that it is the challenges, the difficult parts of my life that have helped build my character, helped form and shape the person that I am today.   Lessons and gifts come in so many different packages.   There is always something positive in every situation if we choose to look at it.  That does not discount the humility or difficulties and yes, emotional pain that comes with many lessons.  One of the greatest motivators for change for me is in fact, pain.  And it is through our pain that we learn, we grown… we realize we are stronger than we ever thought we were, our perspective may change thus bringing new light into our life.  We may not like them, but they are an important part of our lives.

I really have no jealousy over anyone.  I may envy others financial security at times, but even that is a fleeting thought.  I was watching a biography on an artist whose life was difficult and he struggled with depression, and difficulties throughout his life and then it hit me…. Wow… his life isn’t just about the fact that he is now a popular (and dead lol) artist… we read (for me I suck it up like a sponge) about their lives, wanting to know more about them, and it was at that moment that it really hit me… our life is defined by the script in its entirety of when we were conceived or born, to death… and for some, even after… by want they leave behind…. their “legacy”. 

When I look at it that way I am not so hard on myself, but instead proud of myself for all that I have lived through and learned from… AND use my experiences to help others with!  Also the capacity in which I am able to love, to give to others, to feel.  I am so far from perfect, and it is so relieving to know that I am not the “odd man out” looking for the answer or secret to life.  We are all just doing our best, trudging along, living our lives, making decisions.  It makes it so much more interesting to look at others, to see how they choose to live their life, how they make a living, what is important to them, what isn’t, and so on.  And it always intrigues and inspires me to see or hear about someone whom I know has experienced great challenges and emotional or physical pain/struggles  in their life and to see them laughing, smiling and happy.   What an amazing person!  That to me is wealth.  That to me is the highest level of living!  It isn’t about status, commodities or anything like that.

Today I am proud to be me,,, Today I am grateful that for this day I can enjoy some relaxation time, I am crisis free at the moment, and I see so much beauty all around me….