Have been painting, and listening to music. “I’m holding on, I’m holding on, I’m holding on, I’m barely holding onto you”. Lifehouse “Broken”.
Thinking about times of my life where I was broken, so much that it hurt to move. And it is the pain from those times that keep me vigilant to never go there again. But is that any way to live? “Is there healing? In your name, I feel healing”…
Mother Teresa “I have found a paradox in love, if you love until it hurts, then there is no more hurt, only more love”. One of my favorite quotes.
Here’s a few things I’ve learned in this journey called life.
True Friends show up when you need them the most, and you don’t need to talk to them every day, you don’t need to hear from them to know, they are there, nothing has or will ever change. It is also at the most needful times that we learn, sadly, who we can count on, and who is fair weathered.
I’ve also learned that love comes when you least expect it. For if and when you search, that which you find is forced. Nothing is more refreshing than falling in love when you aren’t looking, or thus doing anything to get the attention of another. You’re just being yourself, and in my case, and I hope yours, seeking to be a better person for each day we are alive.
Two halves never make a whole. But two wholes can be together and still, independent of each other. I think this is the healthiest place to be, to fall in love.
I’ve also learned that falling in love isn’t just about human relationships, but about life, and things we stumble upon that thrust our passion into full speed. Passion is an awesome thing, and one that I am very very grateful for. I have met people, quite long in the tooth, that have never experienced passion. The past couple weeks I’ve fallen in love again with painting, with new techniques, new visions. I’ve fallen back in love with my very old, needy, ditzy cat, who is quite vocal about her needs and wishes!
Being alone done not mean loneliness. At least not for me. I have been single over a decade now. I’ve dated, and really have no preference if I do or I don’t. You can say that’s sad, some friends have, but honestly, I love my home, I work on that, I have my art, music, my animals, and family and friends that I do not spend enough time with. When I feel like I don’t want to be alone, I call up a friend who is kindred here. We both like our solitude.
“Desire” by Ryan Adams is now playing. I found this song off an old “House Episode”, love it. I’ve also learned in life that there are more ways than being in a relationship to get that physical human touch. My animals, and in past, my nephews, my niece. A new born baby, animal, I think that’s why the world is watching and anticipating the birth of April the giraffes bambino! Who isn’t watching?
So, in this day, reflective of my past, my past loves, I am sitting here in peace, with happiness in my heart as I play and work in this newfound love for art. Each brush stroke I anticipate, and it’s hitting right where it’s supposed to. Even accidentally dropped a brush on my painting and the color looked delightful in a place I never would’ve expected or tried.
“You know me.
You don’t mind waiting.
You just can’t show me, but God I’m praying,
That you’ll find me, and that you’ll see me,
That you run and never tire.
Wishing you love, passion, and always, peace