Tag Archives: passion

Things I’ve learned

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Have been painting, and listening to music.  “I’m holding on, I’m holding on, I’m holding on, I’m barely holding onto you”.   Lifehouse “Broken”.

Thinking about times of my life where I was broken, so much that it hurt to move.   And it is the pain from those times that keep me vigilant to never go there again.  But is that any way to live?   “Is there healing?  In your name, I feel healing”…

Mother Teresa “I have found a paradox in love, if you love until it hurts, then there is no more hurt, only more love”.   One of my favorite quotes.

Here’s a few things I’ve learned in this journey called life.

True Friends show up when you need them the most, and you don’t need to talk to them every day, you don’t need to hear from them to know, they are there, nothing has or will ever change.  It is also at the most needful times that we learn, sadly, who we can count on, and who is fair weathered.

I’ve also learned that love comes when you least expect it.  For if and when you search, that which you find is forced.  Nothing is more refreshing than falling in love when you aren’t looking, or thus doing anything to get the attention of another.  You’re just being yourself, and in my case, and I hope yours, seeking to be a better person for each day we are alive.

Two halves never make a whole.  But two wholes can be together and still, independent of each other.  I think this is the healthiest place to be, to fall in love.

I’ve also learned that falling in love isn’t just about human relationships, but about life, and things we stumble upon that thrust our passion into full speed.  Passion is an awesome thing, and one that I am very very grateful for.   I have met people, quite long in the tooth, that have never experienced passion.    The past couple weeks I’ve fallen in love again with painting, with new techniques, new visions.   I’ve fallen back in love with my very old, needy, ditzy cat, who is quite vocal about her needs and wishes!

Being alone done not mean loneliness.   At least not for me.   I have been single over a decade now.  I’ve dated, and really have no preference if I do or I don’t.  You can say that’s sad, some friends have, but honestly, I love my home, I work on that, I have my art, music, my animals, and family and friends that I do not spend enough time with.   When I feel like I don’t want to be alone, I call up a friend who is kindred here.  We both like our solitude.

“Desire” by Ryan Adams is now playing. I found this song off an old “House Episode”, love it.   I’ve also learned in life that there are more ways than being in a relationship to get that physical human touch.  My animals, and in past, my nephews, my niece.   A new born baby, animal, I think that’s why the world is watching and anticipating the birth of April the giraffes bambino!     Who isn’t watching?

So, in this day, reflective of my past, my past loves, I am sitting here in peace, with happiness in my heart as I play and work in this newfound love for art.  Each brush stroke I anticipate, and it’s hitting right where it’s supposed to.  Even accidentally dropped a brush on my painting and the color looked delightful in a place I never would’ve expected or tried.

“You know me.
You don’t mind waiting.
You just can’t show me, but God I’m praying,
That you’ll find me, and that you’ll see me,
That you run and never tire.
Desire
Desire
Desire
Desire”

Wishing you love, passion, and always, peace
rodney2

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Music, painting, and life!

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I’m listening to “Into the Mystic” (Van Morrison).   Love this song, and am reminded of many moons ago bombing around town in the jeep with all the doors off, and my dog happily in the back seat eye balling everyone and everything.   This music reaches into my soul and says “Life is good, maybe not perfect, but I am alive, and that’s better than the alternative”…. but many religious people would beg to differ.   Is it?

Music is such an important part of my life.   When I get pounded down by life’s hardships, when I’m at my lowest, I can always go back and think of the last time I listened to music….   It’s related.   Music is one of the best remedies for my mental illness woes.

I’m painting.  Not well, but I’m painting.    I’ve been struggling lately (forever a head case) but as soon as I sit down, music blaring in background, and pick up a brush, I am settled, centered, peaceful.  I am VERY VERY grateful for this.   I try to turn off the inner critic that lives LARGE in my head, sometimes I’m successful, sometimes not.  It’s nice to have an escape.   It feels good.  Now if I could only figure out how to masking tape SHUT the inner critics mouth!

Autumn is fast approaching.   We have almost no color, but I guess it’s early yet.  The air is changing, and the geese are flying South.  This is my favorite time of year.  New England in the Fall is picturesque.   I love to bomb on back roads during foliage, as it looks like you’re driving into a kaleidoscope.   It really does!  No, I’m not on shrooms.   Not for a long while, smirks.

My girlfriend was visiting from Omaha for a few days.  It’s really nice to see her, and always good to talk.   It’s also really nice to have the company.  Dropped her off at the airport today and on the way home stopped in Michael’s to pick up canvas.  3 for the price of one!   Woohooo!

Hope you’re enjoying good health, moods and making room and time for some passion!

On Principle….

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Maturity has taught me that simplicity is the answer to a happy life.  So I try to let go of the small things.  After you’ve experienced traumatic or life/death experiences you learn quickly that 99% of all the things in life are in fact small things.   Hereditary genes and behavior had me believing that to worry about something would and could actually change the outcome of whatever it is I’m worried about!  Craziness!  Learning to let go, stay calm, understand that doing nothing and not worrying is doing SOMETHING and also personally learning the power of prayer I do quite well with this these days, though like every other human on the face of the earth, I have my days when I fall short of well.

There are so many avenues I could take to write about with this very topic… Letting Go, Faith, Acceptance, Simplicity, on and on the topics are flowing through my mind, but as a friend suggested to me a few months ago, try to keep your blogs short, otherwise no one will want to read them!

The point I want to make today is there are times to let go of the outcome, not to worry, and there are times to stand up on principle.  While this may cause some disturbance to your serenity and peacefulness, I believe that given who we are, our morals, standards and integrity, and the lack thereof that appears to be happening more and more in the world, sometimes personally, I feel the need to say “Enough is enough!”.

Now for those of you who are on my facebook and read my little excerpt about the Days Inn in Attleboro, MA it would be natural to jump to the conclusion that this is what I’m referring to, and to a small degree this is true.   I am, however, talking about on a whole a conglomeration of things that have happened lately that have me disappointed, frustrated, and feeling the need to take a stand in a few areas to be true to myself and my beliefs.  Sometimes there are things that are just wrong!

We of course, have control over how much we involve ourselves and allow these times to seep into our life.   It also would depend on the magnitude of how it weighs against your beliefs, thus sometimes giving birth to the most amazing passion of some people who devote their life to the cause.    When passion sparks, are you listening to it?  

The twisting and turning of our guts is typically our instinct telling us something.  Are we listening to it?   Upon further exploration you may just be amazed at what unfolds, and what beliefs and passions have been cocooned inside of you, waiting to be set free.    Trust in yourself, your instincts, and stand up for what you believe in, but choose your battles wisely as it is so easy to lose track of the finer simpler things in life that matter so much.  For me it is my family, my friends, my creativity…. and lately Starbucks frappucinos!