The past few weeks I’ve been reflecting and dissecting what I would like to do with the rest of my life. What do I like? What don’t I like? What are my dreams? Are they feasible? What are my needs? I’ve also been writing up a business plan for myself, which in itself has been a very interesting journey. I’ve changed it three times.
I’ve also participated for two days (another four to go) in an art challenge to post pics of my art on my facebook page for six days. This, too, has been an interesting process. I’m reviewing photos that I have, which aren’t exactly organized like someone dominantly left brained would do, but I’m only 25% there, so I’m giving myself a break!
4-5 years ago my life came to a crashing halt. I couldn’t get out of bed, I didn’t want to paint, write, and was incapable of making any decisions for myself. Fortunately my strong mother jumped in and helped, and after hospitalization for two weeks, I was diagnosed with Major Clinical Depression. This was not the first time, but the fourth. I must say to you, it’s been hell trying to come back from it.
Why do I mention such a personal thing? Because I’m an idiot! 🙂 Most people do not confess such, because of the stigma attached to mental illness. I want others to know who are suffering with such, it’s okay, you’re not a freak, you aren’t crazy, you are sick, and encourage you to get help. For me it meant some serious psychological drugs, many therapy sessions, a lot of writing, a lot more of praying. It is still a monkey on my back, but I am learning, everyday to replace the negative talk in my head. Some days I’m successful with this, some days not.
Back to the art challenge, as I’m surfing through pages of photos of my artwork, which also have pics of other aspects of my life, love, marriage, breast cancer, family, friends, pets, artwork, gardens, etc… I must say, I feel good about things that I have accomplished in my life. In spite of the crap that came rolling into it, I’m still standing, and there are days, still, too many, that it’s very hard for me to get out of bed and face the day. But it was nice to see things I’ve done, the magazines my artwork and needlecraft designs were in, interviews with me as a visual artist, and a fiber artist. I even had artwork on the cover of magazines I think twice. How quickly these accomplishments fall by the way side when you’re looking at it through the dark eyes of depression.
So, I’m feeling a bit chipper tonight, painted a little bit today. Plan to spend a few hours tomorrow doing the same. We are supposedly having an arctic cold blast this weekend. I’ve stocked up on the necessities, my mom is here visiting for the weekend. If I don’t kill her, by the time Monday comes around I should be in good shape! 🙂
The message today is… Hang on. Hang strong. Celebrate the good days, and do all you can to survive the bad. It may be worth your while to dive into some pictures yourself.
Sending you peace and love