Tag Archives: friendships

Blessings

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This afternoon I had a video call with a childhood friend.  A friend whose life changed drastically after a tragic accident.    As I watched him talk, process, thinking diligently about answers or response, my heart sang with joy that this very kindhearted, intelligent friend of my bro’s is still the same person he was probably 40 years ago now.

I can’t tell you how nice it felt to talk to him, he had me laughing hysterically over things that I “forgot” he knew.  You know, when time divides you from your childhood and life happens, sometimes the hardest part of life, and you hear old stories, or see reactions that you haven’t seen in years, it’s sweet.   It’s nice to know that SOME things, some people do not change.

After we spoke I was smiling, thinking about the kid, the teenager he used to be, and my mom and I started sharing stories, and we laughed to our hearts delight.    I always encouraged my brother to hang onto this guy as a friend.    He was such a decent being way back when.

Most of us are aware of the crudeness, the blatant evil that exists now, how beautiful it is to me that while life dished him out some major hard balls, that he’s still the kind, caring, compassionate and wonderful person he was before life put it’s ugly talon’s into our flesh.

In a world where you only know what someone wants you to know, how refreshing, how sweet it feels to revisit youth, and share a laugh or two regarding things long since forgotten, or buried.

I haven’t had it nearly as hard, nor do I care to compare heartbreak with anyone, but I know for myself, I have tried to always remain kind, to remain uninjured, still “soft”, so as not to harden like leather that many people have had happen.    It happens.  Life is not a picnic for all, and sometimes it’s just damn hard to walk through a day with all the knowledge or what is happening in this world.

But today, tonight, I am smiling that this kind soul, who knew me long before the many depressions or hardships that has occurred in my life, and that he, too, is still “soft”.  What a delightful conversation, and as I watched his eyes move as he was talking, I was reminded, pleasantly of how philosophical he has always been.  Even as a youngster, he really listened, and he answered questions after processing, and in spite of all the hardships we both have encountered, we were still able to conjure up things from our long ago past, and laugh hardy.

What a gift the past week has been for me.   Spending time with good, kind, “real” people, kindred spirits.   I’ve been truly blessed with these experiences.

 

“All my life’s a circle” -Tom Chapin

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I love the ebb and flow of life, friendships.   Tonight I had an absolutely joyful conversation with my best friend from high school.   Filled with laughter, and being the sap I am, a few tears, I feel so good right now.     “Old friends, they mean much more to me than the new friends, because they know where you are, and they know where you’ve been!”.    If you’ve never heard this song I suggest you get your butt to Spotify!   Tom Chapin, the late Harry Chapin’s brother wrote it.   Great song.

There is a major, positive shift happening with me.   It’s exciting.   I’ve had to take double takes and rub my eyes to see if I were dreaming.   I’m very grateful for this new upswing.  Grateful and ready!

It’s been ridiculously humid here in VT.    I remind myself what Winter looks like, what it looked like this past winter, and I stay in the air conditioning and shut my lips!   As I drove to Town today there were neighbors out chopping, splitting wood, getting ready for Old Man Winter. image   I thought to myself, wow, the irony.  The hottest day of the year and they’re preparing for the coldest.  Such is life in New England.  Such is life.

I’m painting and designing well.  Very pleased with that.  Purchased a couple new brushes today (which I just don’t do) but mine were REALLY ratty.   It’s funny how a $25 purchase can make me feel like a queen!   It really is the little things in life.

My house is not dirty but an absolute clutter hole.    I laugh at how organized I feel, and am getting, amidst it all.   To someone coming in?  What the heck happened here?  But to me, I see organization, progress.    More gratitude!

I am very pleased with the direction my life is going.    Thank you, God.

And now I’m off to watch some tv before Lilly and I retire.    I have been up for 30 hrs.   This is not good, but what is good is that I SHOULD sleep really well tonight.

Hope you are having a great day!   🙂

Friends of the opposite sex

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Today I was talking with a male friend about a few things happening in his life.  This is not a close friend, this is someone I talk to on occasion, a business friend.  He stated that his wife doesn’t allow him to have female friends as she’s insecure, thinks something is going on.    I could feel my eyebrows raising as he was talking.  “Yeah, I said, that’s not uncommon”.

I have long term male friendships going back 20 years or more now.  Friendships where I do things with these men, go shopping, have lunch, dinner, go to the movies, I have vacationed with one.   I have a friend whom we chat on the phone or email and see each other once every couple years.  All these relationships are platonic.   Yes, a couple of the men are gay, after all, I am not stupid, gay men make wonderful friends, and they know how to dress you up and decorate your home, make you laugh and comfort you when you’re crying!  I love my gay male friends.  But I also have platonic heterosexual friendships with men.  My focus isn’t on dating them, sleeping with them, or anything close.  As true with my female friends, I like interesting people.  My friends have a wide range of interests and come from many walks of life.

Like with all relationships, however, there are certain parameters.  If I feel I’m being used as a pawn to make the girlfriend, wife, whomever jealous, I’m out of there.  On one occasion I have had a male friend suggest to their partner that I perhaps wanted “more”.  Ego? Playing the girlfriend for what?  See how wanted I am?  Whatever, he blew that friendship.  That isn’t a friend, that’s a user! Sometimes it’s hard to tell because women can be busy marking their territory (and we thought marking territory was all about male dogs!) and you wonder, where is this coming from?   I honor relationships, marriages, I’m not into breaking people up or coming between them, have no interest in that at all, like… what would I gain from that other than BAD KARMA???  If it gets sticky, I’m out of there.    I give no woman any reason to be jealous, so if they are it is either their insecurity or they are being fed something that is untrue, period.

Friends of the opposite sex are good to run things by.   Women certainly don’t think like men, nor do men think like women.  A good friend would give you their honest opinion, not something they think you want to hear.  I have a very close male friend that is a decade younger than me.  We are like sister and brother.  I love our relationship.  We support each other, listen to each other, make suggestions to each other, and we are brutally honest with each other.  Sometimes that isn’t fun to hear, but I know and he knows, it is being said from a place of love.   I have a male friend who I turn to when I mess up my computer (often).  He’s a doll, as is his wife!  I’m friends with both of them, they are both wonderful people.  I want good for ALL of my friends, and I believe they do for me as well.

I tell all of my close friends, male or female, I love them.  If I do not feel close to them, that does not come out.   So as relationships ebb and flow, as relationships come and go I learn about myself, and I learn about them.  Is this someone that is who they say they are?  Is this someone who is worthy of my friendship?  My loyalty?  My time?  Sometimes sadly, the answer is no, but many times it is yes!

None of us are perfect, we all have faults.  At times I think I should date a seismologist I have so many!   But love, to me, is trust.  Love is not controlling, obsessing, ownership or anything close.  It is simply loving the person as they are, supporting or helping them become who they want to be.  It is patient, kind, freeing, honest, respectful, and more.    We all have bad days, but we have good ones too!

It’s interesting though, watching, learning, finding out who is real, who isn’t.  Who is stand up, who is a schmuck, this goes for both genders.  Bottom line, if you aren’t looking to get, gain anything from anyone, if you just like them for who they are, enjoy their company, you’re clean!  It’s all good.   If any games are going on, it’s in the other camp.  Friendship, to me is vital to my sanity and happiness.    Just as I believe the world needs a balance of politicians (even that word leaves a sour taste in my mouth)…politicians, not balance!  I believe we need friends of both genders.   If I’m clear with my motives and they are respectful of me as a person and friend, and visa versa…. It’s a good thing!

Wikipedia & Googlicious….

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The past few weeks I have been enjoying Wikipedia.  Devouring bio’s, reading on my favorite artists, actors, writers, etc.  Just what did we do before the internet?  I remember the encyclopedias my parents worked many hours to purchase, the same ones my dad built a special bookcase for.  These books were not only an important tool for homework but also they were interesting, there was so much to learn from them.  Today all  I do is walk over to my computer google a name and sort through the massive results that are returned.

Have you ever googled your name?  I have!  (chuckling).  If I google Donna Scully I get 496,000 results.  Wow!  Of interest to me is that the first couple of pages were actually ME and they weren’t porn, wanted posters, arrest mug shots, and so on!  (KIDDING).    It’s interesting what you can find on the internet by googling your name.  For example…. a friend mentioning you on her blog… I wouldn’t say names as that would be indiscreet (SHELLEY LANTHIER!) laughing hysterically here.  She mentioned that I’m always imitating my friend Nancy Dale Kinney Stout’s southern drawl… Why yes I am!  smirks.  Sometimes when I’m sitting alone in my humble abode working on a new design, feeling discouraged, or sometimes I’m just bored… whatever, I’ll google myself…   For me it can be  nostalgic, reminding me of my designing days in needlecraft, the first time I was ever published.  The first royalty check.  The magazine ads with Vanna White wearing my sweater designs…. and then I will find pictures on someones blog where they give credit to me as the designer and there is this beautiful painting they are proudly showing off.  THAT makes me smile, and reminds me of why I do what I do….  It may not be a parting of the sea, I may not be saving the world, but I do believe I touch people with my art, my writing, my teaching… and that usually fills me enough to go back and finish the design, or start anew.    It can serve as a progress report for me.

So many times I’m wondering if an actor is still alive (yes, i have reached that age where I can’t remember much!), so I just jump online and google the person…within seconds the answer(s) to my question(s) are right there in front of me.    It just amazes me how much information is available at our fingertips.   I am in awe of it all.

I have also found that the internet can also encourage isolation if we allow it.   We can spend hours, days, weeks and months online meeting new friends, hell I’ve been on Match.com… I’ve met dates on line!  There really is not much you cannot do or find online, however I think its important to note… there is still life outside of the internet.  A beautiful world filled with green grass, blue skies, oceans with strong undertows, sand that is waiting to work its way up between your toes or bathing suit bottoms, and human beings to look into their eyes as you talk to them, to reach across the table and touch their hand, caress their arm, their face…  Those are the very things and much more that you will never find on the internet….  We can find pictures of them, stories that will move us, but there is nothing quite like the real thing….