Tag Archives: experiences

In my youth



I’m painting (on canvas) for the first time in months, listening to a playlist on Spotify that depicts my life and times in words, songs.   “Rocky Mountain High” just played, which was, I believe, our 8th grade graduation song.   John Denver got me through MUCH in my youth.   The, what seemed insurmountable problems of youth, which seemed so very difficult, something like a blemish on my face, or my favorite Levi’s not clean for a date, etc.   I think about it sometimes, as I drive by the local high school and see these YOUNG KIDS and I question, “Was I really ever that young?”    And then, putting into proportion the immense deep feelings I had for a kid that I had hoped would last into adulthood.  I’m laughing now.  IF ONLY relationships were that easy!  ha!    But it’s nice to think about being so young, so innocent.  And certainly the woes of that time were real, and feelings are so deep because you’ve yet to experience life, to experience loss, to experience the pain of broken hearts or dreams.    I’m not meaning to sound cynical, not at all.   I guess I’m just saying, the innocence and naivety are covered with blankets of protection of our youth.

I’ve often written about music.  How important it is to my well being, to my mental health.  I simply don’t know how I could ever live without it.    In thinking about life’s necessities, and if I were given only one luxury, would I choose music over art?    I think I probably would!  And yet art is so important to me, ingrained in every aspect of my being.   I’m so fortunate that I have known passion for such.   I’m grateful for that.  I’m grateful for where my paint brush has taken me in life, and all the good it has brought me to.

Now, a song by Toni Child’s “I’ve got to go now”.   A song about a woman in love with an alcoholic, who tosses her and his children aside for the almighty bottle.   This song actually relates to the three major relationships I’ve had in my life.  All alcoholics.  The first, who physically beat me, the second who emotionally did, and the last, the one who gave me so much, and likewise, took so much of me when we parted.     “Must be addicted to all this pain, because I keep coming back for the shame.  Dear God give me the strength to leave, I’ve got to keep going, keep going this time”.   Powerful song, and an epitaph of my past relationships.    Listening to this song does not always make me sad.  Shat it does is get me in touch with the courage I have mustered in my life.  The starting over, the strength and fortitude that comes when you say goodbye to the one you love, because you know, if you stay, you will die before he.

Now, “Landslide” by Stevie Nicks.  I LOVE this song.  It’s been, what I call, my “recovery” song.  Questioning, seeing, surviving.  “Oh, mirror in the sky.  What is love?  Can the child within my heart rise above?  Can I sail through the changing ocean tide?  Can I handle the seasons of my life?”   I go to this song when I am questioning,  seeking strength, seeking guidance.  Doubt becomes certainty, becomes strength, endurance, and then even on top of that becomes the silver lining of it all.  “But time makes you bolder, and children get older, and I’m getting older too…”   Life, learning, lessons.   I’ve become the person I wanted to be, when it comes to morals, standards, strength.  And how did I do that?   Only after the landslide took me down.

Life these days is pretty straight forward.   I am working hard on myself, and my home.  I am focused, aligned, very content with my life.  Change is coming, I’m not afraid of it, nor am I afraid of how it will change me.    I’ve got a track record now.   All the difficulties have thickened my skin, but not my heart.  My heart is strong, my thoughts are clear, and damn, I just had pistachio ice cream!

Music?  A necessity for me.  I have an italian friend who says she couldn’t live without olive oil.  Me?  I couldn’t live without music.   What’s your necessity?

And now I’ll close as “Rhythm of my Heart” Rod Stewart, is playing.”The rhythm of my heart is beating like a drum, , with the words I love you rolling off my tongue, Never will I roam, for I know my place is home, where the ocean meets the sky I’ll be sailing!”  Have a great weekend!  Chase your desires, your dreams, or hell, just get yourself an ice cream, and sit and listen to your favorite tunes.    Love to you…



“Luke… its your DESTINY!” strength….


I met a friend for lunch today in Greenfield.  We discussed some things that are going on in my life, had a couple laughs over fond memories.  “Harry”, I said… “Let’s talk about strong women”….  “Okay”, he says, as he sips on his iced tea.  Harry has been one of my closest friends for 26 years or more.  Being a few years older than me, he has taken on the role of “big brother” many times, but he is truly a very loyal and honest friend.

“What exactly do you want to talk about on this topic?” he asked.  “Well… I believe men are attracted to strong women, but when push comes to shove, I do not believe they choose to be with them, and I want to know what your thoughts are on this.  Do you think that is so?  And why?”    He finished eating an onion ring, takes another sip off his iced tea then replied…

“I think SOME men are intimidated by it, especially the older in age they are.  Men are ‘supposed to be in charge’ so to speak, so when they see a woman who isn’t needy, while it may be attractive it may also be a bit of a turn off, because they want to be and feel needed.  That isn’t true of all men, it depends on their upbringing.  If their mother was a strong woman, they may look for that in a partner”.

“Okay, so describe how you see me as a strong woman?”…  He smiles and says “Well of course I knew this was coming up!” and then without hesitation he replies “For one you are self aware, you know what you stand for, what you want, what you like and do not like, you know what you believe in and you are passionate about that.  For another you have overcome many difficult adversities in your life, and have grown stronger from them….. and that is just off my cuff”.    “Do you think I am opinionated?” I asked.   “No, I wouldn’t say that at all.   But if something is said against or to harm something or someone you love or believe in, you will certainly speak your mind, and THAT is not a bad thing at all Donna Marie”. 

I am a survivor for sure, a fighter, I have been since childhood.  Some of the challenges I have faced were self inflicted, but many are not.  Were these placed in my path for my growth?  Were these all part of my destiny?  I wrote to a friend last night…”Yes, I am a strong woman, but this does not mean I do not want a man to wrap his arms around me so that I may fold into them.  I am not about power or control, I am none the less feminine nor desiring to be in a relationship where I can and would allow the man to “be the man”, or to take over!”  Strength isn’t something I have really chosen, it has been the result of my experiences.  So many days I just want to be a woman who can be feminine, nurture those around her, and not feel like a neanderthal!    I am strong in many ways, but in many I am not.  I put on a front.    I do not show my cards, nor will I until I feel totally safe.  This means proven loyalty to my well being.  I do not need to be the center of all, but I need to know consistently that this person cares, regardless of what is going on.  In spite of arguments, disagreements, space… I know without a shadow of a doubt that this person cares about me, that they will always look out for my well being, because I know I will theirs.  If someone cannot commit to that, there is no safety net, there is no table to play my cards, thus there will never be my heart extending out trust, it just will not happen.  But if and when that happens, the harder sides of me soften, and as I have been called on many occasions by a man who loved me and knew me better than anyone else… “You are really a marshmallow”.

So I ask you, What does a strong marshmallow look like???