I’m getting some much needed alone time. With music (therapy) in the background, windows open, I am painting today off an easel, a piece I had designed many years ago. I’m not painting it the same way, nor with the same paint. Today’s version is more realistic, and the palette much brighter than that of before. I attribute that to high pigment paint AND my own growth as a woman, as an artist.
So I’m not using the old reference photos for anything but placement. Basically trying to keep my life simple, because I recall the agony I had when first sitting down to design this piece. It initially had a couple of watering cans in it, and it was too busy. Back when I analyzed the shit out of everything, I would sometimes “fill” my paintings to the brim, instead of breathing, detaching, and appreciating or recognizing the need for negative space. MUCH like the alone time I am having today. I don’t mean to infer that I’m negative, not in the least today, but my alone time is crucial and vital to my peace of mind, creativity, and general health. Therefore, I’m comparing negative space in a painting to alone time in my life because it’s needed and I’m usually pleased with the end result.
Such is true of food, as well. I’ve been off sugar since April. The first week was HELL. I had headaches, quick trips to the bathroom, dizziness, and generally feeling like all I wanted to do was pick up a pop and drink it. Anything to quiet the toxins that were being excreted from my body. A week later I started feeling better, and stronger, and now some 14 weeks later I’m feeling SO much better, dropped a few pounds, and my goal is to remain happy and kind to myself. The inner critic that resides in the darker parts of my mind is silenced at this moment. When I catch it coming to forefront of my mind, I do what I was taught to do while learning to meditate. Acknowledge it, and then go back to focus. It helps. And I’ve learned that it really is the smaller things that help me, not the large and drastic changes the critic sometimes pushes me to believe I need.
Music is a huge source of happiness for me. Today, as my playlists echo throughout my studio, I acknowledge where the song takes me, the people that were in my life at that time, situations, circumstances. And then when the song is done, I do it all over again with the next song. I have several playlists that I’ve made, one all about my life, songs that come from the most significant times of my life. And I’m here to tell you, “significant” wasn’t necessarily big events like marriage, but reaching understanding, un-complicating my life from worry, finding peace, acceptance of things that LARGELY contributed to the bright side of, and improved quality of my life.
I’ve no answers for others, this in itself is a valuable piece of information. I can’t live my life or make decisions for someone else, just myself. And some days I have all I can do to do this for myself. So the point I’m trying to make is, ridding myself of the clutter, both mentally and physically, in all aspects of my life have gifted me with this day of feeling happy. I’m much looser with my painting, I’m focusing on the moment, and in the moment, and enjoying all this “negative space”.
Hope yours is going well, too!