Freedom

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I’m 56 years old.   Today I went for a ride and turned up the volume.   I was driving my Kia Soul.   A far cry from the hot sporty vehicles I used to drive!   Ran through Dunkin Donuts to pick up a coffee for my brother, a UPS driver, whose route is no where near a Dunkins, and bought myself a creme filled donut.   Ride with me.   On comes The Doors “LA Woman” and I rolled down the front windows, turned up the volume and cruised.    For that moment in time I was the 18 year old auburn haired young woman driving.    For the first time in a very long time I felt like the person I was before others (outside family lol) messed with my head, and heart.   Smiling, with white confectionary sugar on my lips and LL Bean sweatshirt, the donut was perfectly sweet, and enough.     I glanced into my rear view mirror and saw myself as adorable!  LOL.     It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt like that young soul.   A happiness, a new freedom flowed with the wind through my long hair, piled on my head in a silk tye die scarf wrapped around the front.     How is it I can sing a song from decades ago, verbatim, and not remember why I walked into the kitchen twice?    Let me tell you, I had quite the concert going, and my voice was loud, jovial, and strong co-singing with these legends.   Ahhhh, to feel the innocence of youth, but with the knowledge of age.   Smiling as I write this.

Next on deck was Tom Petty “Running down a dream”…  Who cannot tap or sing to the beat of that ass kicking song?

I delivered the coffee and had a short conversation with my brother who bails when it becomes “real”, and I smiled.   That’s okay.  He is who he is, not for me to judge, just love the guy.    Decided to take the long way home, back roads, a brook flowing right alongside the road.  On my way there I passed a US Express Truck (not common here and where my sister was last employed), as Bob Seger (A fav or my late sister’s and mine) “Nine Tonight”  A concert I was at when it was recorded.   You can hear me singing in the  background, and see me, slim, tall, wearing my levi jeans, a white gauze bohemian style blouse, bangles on my wrist and my grandmothers ring on my finger, standing on the chair, too and a smile.  She is with me, and so is my mom, and others I have said goodbye to on this plane.  I felt their presence, I saw their smiles, and for that half hour drive home, I felt aligned with all.   Freedom from grief, from loss, from pain.

It’s been a really nice day.  No visible signs of snow here in Vermont with Fall-like temps.  Peace, I have so much peace today, and enthusiasm that I haven’t felt in decades.  Sure does feel nice to be in this space today.   And as I closed my trip, driving into my driveway, I found one unlicked trace of confectionary sugar on my lips, and the Stones came on, a song that has special meaning to me and my sisters.  So I sat in my car, smiling listening to it in duration.

Sure hope you have or get to experience such beauty, wonderful feelings, a break from reality, or is it?   Am I “myself” again?????  Who were you before life knocked you down?  Have you revisited him or her?

Honorable mentions:   ACDC “Back in Black”, Alan Parson’s Project, Robert Palmer, Bob Dylan, BTO, Fleetwood Mac, ZZ Top and last but not least, America!

 

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