“Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine, I’ll taste your strawberries, I’ll drink your sweet wine. A million tomorrow shall all pass away, ere I’ll forget all the joy that is mine, today”. John Denver, “Today”.
Feeling fairly defeated at the moment. Have been making great progress in my health, and I know how important that is. But I was kicked in the teeth about an hour ago, after checking on one aspect of this thing called my life here on earth.
12 years of battles have deemed me irresponsible. I don’t want to share what I’m talking about, and I know I’m not alone in this but what I will say is this, those times when it feels like you just can’t win? Times like I’m experiencing right now, this very second, I need to do something for myself, to ground myself. I need to say prayers of thanks for the progress I AM making, and the rest will fall into place I suppose, if they are ever supposed to. I can only do my very best.
On a much lighter note, I went and had an ice cream cone with my friend today. We were laughing and our usual goofy selves (always belly rolls), anyway, we get out of the car and we parked next to a vehicle, there was a man standing there waiting for his two sons to get out of his van. I was dressed in raggedy, ripped at the knees, capris, and an oversized Boston Red Sox t-shirt, I’ve been working today. As true when we spontaneously head out for a ride, I had some paint on my hands, but nothing major. My girlfriend looked pretty in some pistachio colored blouse. At any rate, the guy looks at us and rolls his eyes.
So as we’re walking to the counter, we stand behind these two women, one who whistles very loudly using her fingers, pierces flesh, I swear. Totally unconcerned about thos around her. I said to Chris “I guess we know who that whistle is for? Hey, at the count of three, lets turn around and reciprocate an eye roll when he walks up” “Okay she says”. 1, 2, 3 …
We turned around and offered to him the same eye roll he gave us. When I turned back towards the counter to order, I was laughing. I don’t really care what this guy thinks of me, or how I or my friend looked. But I wanted him to know that I saw him do that to us. Chris said he was grinning smartly, I don’t know, I never looked at him again, but I referred to him as “whistle man” when we got into the car. “Show me what face you made” I said. So she makes this very funny strange looking face because she’s not the talented eye roller that I am. I about laughed myself into wet pants. “I guess we’re going to have to change our strategy for next time someone does this to us!” It was nice to laugh.
But that really isn’t what is bothering me. I think it’s funny that we did this. And yes, I’m aware that a bigger person would’ve walked by and ignored. But as I said to my friend “He knows nothing of me, what I’ve been thru, what I’ve survived, the kind of person that I am. Screw him!” But the blatant disrespect and supremacist attitude is typical of what this world is like now. Disheartening, yes. Did I take it personally? Nope.
The ice cream was delicious. It was a three scoop Pistachio Nut that I slowly and skilfully ate in between the belly rolls that followed in our trip to the grocery store.
And now that I’ve sort of purged some emotions, I’m feeling slightly better than I was before I sat down. The keyboard is a coping tool for me. Go get yourself your favorite ice cream! Enjoy it with a friend. It surely makes meeting asses funnier when you can share it with someone!
So, I’m off to try to nurture and get beyond the feelings of being defeated. And I’ll say a prayer of “thanks” for meeting whistle man. It’s always good to have examples of the people you don’t want to become or be like!