I started painting another secretary front (slant front that drops down for reveal). They look like old fashioned roses. Now, maybe some could just accept that, and it will go up for sale and whoever buys it, whatever they see is what the flower is??? But I can’t.
In past my frustrations I’d sand it down and start over. But I was doing that a lot lately, as well as having preconceived notions of what others are doing or thinking. I set it down last night, instead of heading to the sander. This morning, to my dismay, they still don’t look like peonies, so now I’m starting them “again”.
I’m off kilter today. I should know better than to try to paint something I haven’t painted before, but I guess I like a challenge? The idea was to paint this desk without stress, without worry. Use an old pattern to put it in so all I was doing was painting. It doesn’t work that way with me. Just like buying something for my home. I have to alter it. Rarely have I brought something home that I haven’t “fixed” or “changed”. I know this is the right brain, and that its a gift to be creative and to be able to paint, to create, but sometimes it’s overwhelming. Why can’t I just accept things as they are? I’m not talking about life here, truly I’m talking about pretties!
And I’m not one to hide my true feelings (ask my friends), I mean, I am honest. So today, I am struggling with painting these peonies and I’m very grateful I am on prozac!
What would happen if I just left them as wild roses? Is this the perfectionist in me driving me over the edge today? I’m stubborn, more than stubborn, which along with everything else has it’s pros and cons.
So I’m going back to sit down at my painting table. I hope to accomplish a good looking peony. If it doesn’t happen? Will I have the fortitude to walk away like I did last night? As if when I come back it will have magically morphed into a peony? Time will tell.
Hope you’re having a great day, I am determined to, too! Going to drown these voices in my head!