Signs…..

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Ahhhh, internet.  I have been without internet for a while.   I’ve missed writing.  I’ve missed surfing the net for just about anything that I wanted to know.   It’s been a very long winter here in New England.    COLD!    I keep my thermostat at 50-52 degrees, use a duraflame heater I bought last Fall.  It’s supposed to cost .25c an hour.   We shall see.    This has been one, if not the hardest winter I recall.    So very grateful my girlfriend and I put plastic on my decrypted windows.    I snuggle on the couch crocheting (because the weight of whatever I’m working on adds warmth) wearing a scarf, hat, wrapped in blankets.   Sounds ridiculous it is what it is.  It’s been  a VERY long winter.   Oodles of snow, ice.   Just as I started to feel relief with daylight savings time, warmer weather, I am now facing roof leaks, and the snow that the beautiful sun is dissolving is seeping into my cellar.    I’m so friggan over winter.   GO AWAY!   Bring on the mud!   My driveway looks like an ice rink.  There is ice probably 4″ thick.    Joy, joy, oh joy.   Still, I have gratitude for having food, clothing, shelter.  Maslow was a smart man, eh?   I was feeling pretty sorry for myself until I learned that a friends house was destroyed by fire.   I guess I don’t have it too bad after all? Have been struggling emotionally, which isn’t abnormal but it’s been more severe of late.   Any New Englander would tell you that they are ready for Spring, I’m so not alone.   But this is deeper than cabin fever.      I’ve made some decisions that, if I follow through, will improve the quality of my life.   These days I find myself asking that question often.  “Will buying this (or that) improve the quality of my life?    Will this action bring me peace? serenity?   And if it doesn’t, I walk away.  I’m getting too old to be heading in the backwards direction! It came to me why I’m struggling so.   I know living in the past is fruitless and hijacks the present.  I’ve been working on changing that.   Though there are still things from my past that I cannot get past, I find it interesting how our subconscious mind “remembers”.     There is no escaping it, so I guess the answer for me is to do my best, acknowledge when these feelings, thoughts come up, and then try to detach from it, to not give it additional power.    I’m sure you would agree, much easier said than done! I’ve got Spotify blaring I the background.   Music, oh beloved music, I shudder to think what life would be like without it!  I have missed   My comfort, joy, muse…. I believe in signs.   I believe in messages from heaven (and probably some from hell!)  🙂   This evening my girlfriend treated me to dinner.  We went to one of my favorites, our favorites “Friendly’s”.   While enjoying both food and company I noticed a young couple come into the restaurant.   The girl was wearing a sweatshirt with “Wolfeboro” on it, with a moose embroidered underneath.    This was a definite sign for me.  A much needed and appreciated one.   Both serving significant meaning to me, and offering comfort through the difficult right now.   Thank you, D… Thank you!   I love you ! Are you open to messages and gifts from the “other side”?  I once would have cared whether you think I’m nuts or not, and now?   Now I don’t.     Progress!  Even if our beliefs differ, that doesn’t mean I don’t wish you love, as I do.   I wish you all goodness, peace.  I’m grateful to be at a place now where I recognize, we all have our individual journeys, lessons.  I’m grateful I have no desire to control another’s path, and I’m working on my critical judgment of others, and of myself.    I want to walk through the rest of my life with peace, hope and faith that I will be given what I need to become the person I want to be, am supposed to be.   I want to treat myself with the same love and respect I have for loved ones.   It’s time!

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