Doing the right thing…

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Six months ago I adopted/rescued an 18 month old German Shepherd by the name of Sophie.   She is as sweet as can be, loves the other animals, great with my niece and her best friend (Age 10).   The first two months I had her a girlfriend gave me two bags of food, Royal Canin, which cost $50-$60.  I got her weight up, as you could see her ribs.   I managed to get her ears straightened out with drops, bag balm, and her fur was growing back nicely (She was missing 2/3  of her fur).    I kept her on the good food for another 2 months, but could not afford the expense this past month.   In this month she has taken a few steps back, skin wise.  I’m so upset about it.   She scratches and bites herself, I took care of this with Epsom salts, it helped the scratching.  Benadryl did nothing for this.  She has dry flaky skin and her fur is coming out by handfuls.

I have all rescue animals, 3 cats and 2 dogs.  Every single woman needs five animals, don’t you think?  NOT!   I have all I can do to feed myself let alone all the animals, but trust me, they live well.   I do take very good care of them and they are all spoiled, shocker eh?   I have been chatting with a friend who has a german shepherd, she works with gsd rescue.   The first few weeks I had her was challenging, house training her, getting her body weight up, the itching to cease.  I made it through some major hurdles with her, with the support of this friend and others.   Now I’ve come to the realization that she would be better off in a home where she will get the best medical care.  To say I’m sad is an understatement.

I have strong moments when I feel like I can do this, other times not at all.   Last week I had decided I was keeping her, would figure out a way, came home and she had peed and crapped in the house.    I actually scolded her but laughed… Oh sure… do this AFTER I decide to keep you!  That was not a deal breaker.   She has wormed her way into my heart, and my terriers heart.  While a major pain in the ass at times, now in the terrible 2’s, I feel like someone has placed a bag of cement on my chest.   I don’t want to give her up.   I just don’t.   I have to do the right thing and place her with a family that will and have the means to take care of her.   It’s the right thing to do.  So why does it feel so wrong?  The worst and most painful thing in this situation is her sadness.  Intelligent, intuitive, she senses this.   She looks at me with sad eyes, and rests now always near me.   I feel like I am abandoning her, and as a person who struggles with abandonment issues, this pains me.

All of my cats are geriatric, one failing rapidly.   It is hard watching her health fail, though she is as happy as ever, as mischievous as ever.  As long as her quality of life is there, I will do my best with her.  I do not believe in letting animals suffer.  Not at all.   This belief is the impetus in making the decision to place Sophie elsewhere.

Send me good energy, thoughts, say some prayers for me, please.  I’m going to need all to muster up the strength to do this.

 

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One response »

  1. It seems that she has a severe food allergy. Unfortunately the food Sophie requires is expensive. I know that your heart is breaking, but you are doing what is the right thing for her. It’s not about you it’s about her. I know this really doesn’t help and sounds like I’m a bitch, but I feel your heart ache. Both of you are going to be OK. I’m sending all the good karma your way! Peace.

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