Look at all the open windows!

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Even sporting a migraine hangover I am excited about a business venture I have rejoined.  Thank God it’s a kick butt product because I’m not a sales person.  This product sells itself.  If you are interested in real results from an anti aging crème, part time flexible work, set your own pace, let me know.   I’m not going to plaster this daily in my blogs or on my facebook.  Not my style.   I am excited because the potential here is limitless.   I am excited because I am once again believing that my life can and will change for the better!   I’m the only one who can change my life and guess what?  I’m going to do it!  Want to do so with me?

Today I recognized that the once all consuming and encompassing thoughts about my addiction have slowed down.  Likewise, the buttons that others pushed in me, which served as an excuse, or where I went to escape from the discomfort… Well, these buttons have slowed way down.  I am speaking my truth, standing up for myself when I feel the need, thus lessening my need to get a “fix”.   I am  slowly gaining control of what once ruled and dictated my life.  I am grateful, extremely grateful.

I’ve also been thinking about how much I’ve grown, and how much I intend of growing.   If only I could have “one more conversation” with those I’ve loved, those I’ve lost.   My growth has turned up new findings, a better understanding of things in which I could not understand prior.   Satisfaction and self pride with the work I’m doing, what I’m learning, the goals I am setting… I want to share with them.  If only.  So now I need to open up my heart to others, allow others to get close to me, allowing them to learn from me, and me, them.  It’s crazy how fast my thinking, my perspective changes.  Growth is a wonderful thing but it can also be a mighty scary thing.

Clinging to the “known” is safest for me, I think for many of us.    Keeping my hands open to new things coming my way instead of holding on with a death grip to that which is familiar.   If I never open my heart and mind to change then what would I ‘become’?  Nothing more than I am at this very minute!    Putting on my big girl panties, peeling the layers off the mind set, expectations of perfectionism, I realize I am my own worst enemy.    I am limiting myself, my chances of happiness, of success by keeping my mind closed to that which is known and comfortable.  I am deflating the opportunity to expand my horizons, to live better, to have better things in life.  What if… dare I say it, what if I COULD in fact have the things that I tell myself I don’t want or need.  It’s all “luxury”.   Hmmm, what if?  What if?  Holy crap… WHAT IF?

I’m reaching out my arms to newfound hope.  I’m am embracing dreams of past and daring to dream of present.   I am the only one that can change my life, my circumstances, if I am not willing to try, to give it my all and let go of trying to control the outcome, what will I be?  The very same person that I am today.   Not that I am a bad person, quite the contrary, but allowing myself to do, to be all that I know I can be… I ask you, is there any greater a gift we can give ourselves?  That I can gift myself with?

So many times I’ve heard “One door closes, another one opens”.    I am learning that if I will only go with the flow, allow the natural order of change to take me on my next adventure, what will I be?  Who will I be?   I am and always will be an artist.   I love this part of me.  I accept that I’m out in left field when most are in right.  I love that I see things differently than many.   I love that colors, textures exhilarate me.  I love that I am able to make something out of nothing, and bring the things I “see” to fruition, reality.   I love that I have so many different avenues in which to express my artistic self.     I love that I am once again open to learn, to grown.  That I’ve learned that perhaps I was in fact, trying TOO hard thus overlooking the obvious? the given? anew?

I know not how long I shall rise to another day.  I know not what is in store for me.  But one thing I surely know, if I’m not willing to open up my hands, open up my heart, to allow myself to be vulnerable to pain, I have in fact imprisoned myself in darkness.  I deserve better!

I’m off to seek out my own truth today.  I’m off to smell the fresh air of the open window I’ve been avoiding, or distracting myself from accepting.  Isn’t it funny how in our quest to “NOT” be something, someone, we become a clone of it?

Go seek out your truth today.  Go check the scenery out to the window that you, too, may have been ignoring.   Let’s open up our hands, our hearts to a better life…

 

Today, just for today, I am going to get out of my own way!!!!!!!!!!

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