Todays circumstances found me in old stomping grounds. This is where I went to high school, hung around with friends, passed the test for my driver’s license, got my first checking account, first full-time job, on and on. While driving around it was as if a movie was playing in my mind, a very vivid movie.
Drove by my sisters first apartment, the site of my first automobile accident, my dads old house… As I went by these places memories were in full force, as if I had stepped back in time and stood there once again. Driving by my dads former house I thought of my brother as a teen, working on a puegot that he finagled for, the arrival of my sister’s prized boat, wrestling with her on the ground (in my 20’s!). I drove over the spot on the road where my sister was test driving my new Prelude when we saw my dads Toyota truck coming. Our brother had been using it that day, running back and forth to the parts store. So to be funny, I stood up and out the sunroof and flipped him off, only to see that it was my fathers girlfriend. Boy did we get in trouble for that one. Kimo, the dog I sold to my brother for $1 who stayed at my dad’s house for 1 day and then ran away. A few days later he showed up on the doorstep of my parents old house, 20 miles away. His paws were raw, puffy, but he wanted to be home! Softball fields where both my sister and I were on leagues. She was in an A team, I was in a C! Houses that my older sister lived in, was cared for. As I drove to the hospital to pick up my mom I drove past the cancer center where I brought my mother to her weekly chemotherapy treatments on two different occasions in her life; where I saw one of my childhood friends dads the last day he was alive. The emergency room where my girlfriend and I brought my mother and the doctor came out in the hall to tell me he didn’t think she would make the night, who is her power of attorney? Fortunately she made it through that. The emergency room where I raced to be with my sister who was having severe abdominal cramps. I drove 35 minutes like a maniac to get there. Fortunately she made it then. And sadly the hospital where I last saw my older sister. I remember walking down the corridor as I left the final time, with legs that felt like rubber and a noise in my head that blocked my ability to hear anything anyone was saying. I recalled the people walking by who were going to visit a loved one, they were happy, and smiled at me. I don’t think my face moved, but I do remember wondering “Do they know I just said goodbye to my sister?” As I’m writing this Elton John’s “Circle of Life” started to play in the background….I’m smiling now. Now Starbucks, I went by the Taco Bell where Jim and I frequented. One day we sat eating peering at a double rainbow. It was absolutely beautiful. I share with you few of many.
So many times in my life when I have felt the energy of loved ones whom have passed. One night I was driving home from a 12 step meeting, I was driving fast on a back road. Suddenly my youngest sisters face revealed itself vividly. She said “SLOW DOWN”. Well seeing her shocked me into slowing down in itself. Mere seconds later a deer ran out in front of me. Things like this happen to me all the time. Some brush it off and think my “believing” is insane, for me, that’s okay that they don’t believe, but I know what I had experienced was very real, and it is those memories that help me through difficult days. This life is not all there is.
Who can explain how I meet a stranger and somehow in the conversation say “Holy Mackaral” which I had not said since childhood, and the strangers maiden name was “Mackaral”? The visions I saw that came around to pass a day or two later?
It has been said that when you die your whole life flashes before you. I wonder if it will be like todays unexpected movie script? Do you know its a phenomena that most people will reach for something that we here, cannot see, and will see and speak of seeing those whom have passed before them? If you or anyone is going through the death or foresee the death of a loved one coming, get the book “The final Gift”. A very helpful book which was written by hospice workers. It speaks of this and so much more. I have given this book out to many.
Faith is believing in what we can’t see. Faith is something that a scientist struggles with, they believe only in what they see, hear. Faith has helped me walk through so much in my life. Faith gives me hope, keeps me walking forward into territory I want nothing to do with.
Yeah, today was a good day. A day filled with memories and flashes from my past, some fun, some painful. I find it ironic that I can remember these incidents from decades ago, songs from the 70s verbatim, and yet find myself going into the kitchen 5 times to get that which I could not remember!
Life is interesting. Faith is interesting. I am not a religious person, I am however a very spiritual person. Above are mere examples of the many times in my life I have had experiences in which many others will never believe. “Wishful thinking” I’ve been told. Just now “Tears in Heaven” came on in the background. It’s okay that they don’t believe me, it’s okay that they don’t believe in this happening, it’s okay because I know these incidents are real, and with all my heart and soul I experienced them in my waking hours. Perhaps one day I will share about the vivid dreams, visions of things that unraveled just as the dream played out. There are some experiences so meaningful, so purposeful, so timely that I will only share with a chosen few. Why? Because I never want anyone to taint these with their disbelief. In an interview Bob Dylan did in the early 90’s he spoke of “knowing, the dream, the vision” in which you walk towards, set out to do, and not to share with others because they, with their own mental limitations, will squelch or tarnish that which you want, instilling self-doubt, fear, therefore not in “alignment” of what we “know” we are supposed to do. I believe we all have purposes, some to just downright make others lives miserable! 🙂 Those purposes are revealed to us in dreams, in actions, in experiences. Perhaps someone who has sadly been abused is to help others get out of their similar situation? I know not, but I do know, for whatever it is, I am still here today. Today’s experiences validated years of my life that I have not thought of in years. Bittersweet, though serving a craving I have recently had.
The majority of the time I can hold onto all of my these experiences and as I said above, walk through rough terrain. There are days when I am not “aligned” that I cannot get there. This is typically when I’m delving into the depths of depression. Another whole chapter of my life.
I hope wherever you are in life, whatever is in front of you right now brings a smile to your face, and if tears are cast, I hope you are able to hold strong to the faith that everything happens for a reason. We may not understand it, we may never know why, but I believe someday we will. Just my beliefs, my experiences, my life….
Believe it…. or not! (Said in Ripley’s tone) 🙂