Idiot Wind

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Today’s Lesson:   There are days when an idiotic wind brushes over parts of the world.  On these days it is best to not argue with the one whose head is powering the fan!

Today’s Gratitude:  That I live in a time when my depression, my mental illness’s can be treated through medication, therapy, and that my treatment team are competent, caring and committed to my health.

What an interesting day today has turned out to be.   A therapy session in which I had NO continuity or idea of what I spoke about, or why…a continuation from yesterday’s blog!  I seem to be in a new rutty road, skipping from track to track knowing that on some level there has to be some purpose, and that purpose will reveal itself in time.    I am and have been feeling very disorganized in my head, jumping from topic to topic.   I don’t think this is from my normal brain damage…..That is a joke and in no way is derogatory to anyone who suffers from this.   My humor is not always “appreciated”.   I grew up with a sister who had major brain damage.  It was devastating to my family.   I have learned to cope on just about everything with humor.  Anyway, I’m glad I don’t have therapy until Monday now.    I hope by then I will have clarity on what this jargon is all about….or will I?  🙂   I think I even have had my therapist  befuddled as to the bouncing of topics this week.   Perhaps this is the step before one disappears into the abyss of insanity!

After therapy I went to pick up my mother to take her to do her errends.   My mom and our friend (who also lives there) walked out casually, we were talking about the weather.  Anyway as we are talking I see the police carrying out what appeared to be a body in a bag.   I was shocked, it came out of the same building they had just come from.  “Is that a dead body?”  I asked.  Nonchalantly they said “Yes”, without even looking.   “Who the hell is it?”  They explained who it was, and I instantly recognized the name.  I guess it’s not up to me to define someone as an alcoholic, I supposed they need to do that themselves, so I will say this…Alcohol ruled and consumed him.   I’ve no doubt this is what he died from.    I guess there has been quite a bit of activity there with police, medical examiner since early morning.  No one knows anything.  What I do know is when I spoke to my mother 2-3 days ago she complained to housing of an awful stench (she lives in an apartment building), this wasn’t investigated.    Related?    I’ve been watching too many crime shows.

The last errand my mother went on was to the dollar store for some soda.   I was waiting, with the jeep running, just outside the store.   It’s far too cold to have my mother out in this cold, crap it’s far too cold for any of us to be out in it!   I’m waiting, waiting…Finally, 15 minutes later she comes out with two bags carrying three 6 packs of Coca-Cola.  “What took so long?”   She explained that there was no coke on the shelf so the cashier went out back to find some for her (a new cashier).   As I sit listening to this, and looking at a pyramid of coke in the store I said to my mother… “Isn’t that coke?”   My mother laughs, yah, I saw that on the way out too.

Then I get home, open my mail and one is a letter from my mortgage company stating that as part of my mortgage I am required to have home owners insurance.  Because I have defaulted, they have acquired insurance for me at the expense of….$170 a month.   I’m puzzled.   I have home owners insurance.  I have had mortgage insurance for 20 years.   They did this to me about a decade ago, and it ended up being their error, I can’t remember the specifics nor is it important.  So back to the letter, first off, it really ticks me off when you get these letters with NO phone number to contact them.  Highly annoying.   I get their phone number by googling them.  After the 5 minute array of options in which I hold my finger up with the option number that it “might be”…. I get through to the servicing department.  I’m thrilled that I chose the right option.   I’m on hold for 10-15 minutes, and I hear typing (which I have to tell you, annoys the shit out of me).   I explain the letter, he reiterated that which I have always known, I do have home owners insurance.   I listened and then interrupted…. “Excuse me, but if you look into my escrow account, and you look at the payment you made and have made for several years, is that not proof that I have insurance?   On hold for another 10 minutes, he returns “I think the problem is the address that is on your mortgage does not match the address on your insurance”.    Well, I explained that 20 years ago when the mortgage was taken out there were no 911 address phone numbers.  This came about over a decade ago and that is when the address changed, so why is this a problem NOW?   Yada Yada…..   “It is not legally acceptable that my insurance bill does not match the mortgage paperwork”….They suggested I call my insurance company and have them change the address on my insurance.   I’m sitting here now, dumbfounded.   Oh yes!  Let me give my insurance company a call and tell them that I need them to change the address of my home owners insurance!   That will go over really well.   I decline.   I raise the argument (very calmly) that this is THEIR problem and not my insurance company’s problem and that THEY need to change their records.   After another 10 minute hold they inform me that they cannot do that.   They would have to rewrite the whole loan, go through the acceptance process….yada yada yada.  Dumbfounded again.    By now I’m really annoyed, I have better things to do than sit on hold (which they did apologize for each 10-15 minute pause).   Common sense alone tells you that you don’t need to rewrite a mortgage because of new (now seasoned and old) 911 addresses.  I am shaking my head.  If I remortgage I am going to ask for a LOT more money than I owe and head South, I’m so tired of the cold, the winter.  These are stupid thoughts that are running through my head, I realize another coping mechanism I have for dealing with stupidity.   “This process will take several weeks”.     I then interrupted.   STOP.   I refused to call my insurance company to make such a stupid request of them, and I refute the payment of the insurance they have taken out of my escrow account.   I will not accept that the only solution to this is to remortgage, I mean, seriously?   The banks must have been really busy rewriting all the loans when 911 addresses went into effect.   In the background of my mind Dylan’s “Idiot Wind” from “Blood on the Tracks” is filling my thoughts….but still, I am calm, agitated but calm.   Is it me?  Am I, with the scattered thoughts I’ve had for a few days now, receiving,  interpreting this wrong?   Once more I’m put on hold, he comes back with “a solution”.   Okay, what is the solution?   I can barely wait to hear what this is!   He inquires as to what address is on my tax bill, which they obviously have on hand because they’ve paid that every year from escrow too AND my escrow is obviously based on the very tax bill .  Not only that, I brought them a revised tax bill just two months ago, in person, and waited while they “refigured” my escrow account.  I sarcastically want to give them an address in another state, but still I clench my jaw and reiterate again that legally all addresses were changed to 911 addresses and that is the address shown on my tax bill.   Now they need to see proof.   At this point I need to get off the phone, my jaw is clenching and I can feel anger and hear a change in my tone.   “Could you please fax us a copy of your tax bill?”   I agree and asked if the fax number on the letter is the fax number I should send it too… “Oh no, I don’t know where that number came from!”   Really?   That’s all I kept saying to myself “Really?”.   Tomorrow I will ask our dear Treasurer to fax a copy of my tax bill, or I will bring a copy over as I know I have one with my tax paperwork.    It wasn’t worth the aggravation to walk them through their files, and information they obviously had on hand.

I hang up, sigh deeply.    The phone rings, I reluctantly answer it (I despise phones though I love my iphone!)  “Hello, this is such and such calling regarding your late mortgage payment…    With my eyebrows raised and tongue ready to spew “Who exactly are you looking for?” I ask.   “Is this not Anita such and such from Utica NY?    “Um, no it isn’t.  Not only do you have the wrong person but the wrong state!”  Shaking my head.    I am careful about phone scams, I didn’t divulge any personal information and actually replied in a very condescending tone.   Really?

I try to have patience with people, with myself.  I am trying to have patience with this german shepherd that today I’m thinking is not going to work out.   I remind myself, and this we spoke of in therapy today as well, that we don’t know when we meet someone what their story is.  We know only what they show us, and want us to know, or what they are capable of showing.  We no not of their past, their pain, their life.   For all I know the cashier at the dollar store could have a sick child and her mind is elsewhere.    This is no big deal.     The insurance thing, however, is incompetence.   I have little, if no tolerance for incompetence.   This isn’t just the person trying to resolve this problem in which he clearly was clueless on how to, but the company’s errors.   On their letterhead, stating my lack of compliance to the requirements of my mortgage.   Really?  The idiotic suggestions on how I need to solve this problem.

I remember one thing specifically out of the movie “Armageddon” where the government officials are brain storming as to what to do to save the earth.   They are making this decision based on what one of their scientists explained.   Just then, (this is the part that I loved) a guy from Bruce Willis’s team, a scientist said “I know…john blow (name of scientist), I was in his class (mathematic) at Yale.  Do you really want to trust the opinion of a man who had a C- grade average?     That says it all to me, it struck me then, and it still strikes me today.

God gave me a brain, he gave me a body and a soul.   I am not the smartest person in the world and I am not the stupidest.  I have and capable of acting dumb, lack common sense and have the potential like everyone of us, to make some major bloopers, but the whole mortgage insurance thing took the cake today.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out.   I ask myself, once again, with the state of my confusion and jabbering on topics that seem to have no rhyme or reason  “Is it me?”….And now, by virtue of my complaining about another’s stupidity, my higher power will drop me into a bowl of my own stupidity!

And how was YOUR day? 🙂

Today’s Artwork:   “A Winter’s Night”

Today’s Artwork awintersnighta

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