The can of commitment


Today’s lesson:  Find a better place for the bag of dog food!

Today’s gratitude:   A wonderful, peaceful, restful night of sleep.

Ahhh, a fairly uneventful evening/morning which granted me the gift of rem sleep.   The longing for a warm loving body touching mine has now been filled with this german shepherd!   She is cuddly and is rather generous when it comes to space, unlike Brody who would growl if I tried to move him.   40937_1615461026058_1446443_nWhat a grumpy old dog he was but oh how I loved him.  He carried this stick back from a 20 minute hike.  He was so proud of himself and it.  I still have that stick, it rests against the back of my house.  I am planning on doing something with it, I just haven’t decided what.   A stake for flowers?  The answer will come eventually.  Each time I look at that stick I think of him and smile.  Our hike that day was short, but the memory will long stay with me.

I have been thinking about Sophie, will I will keep her?   This is a 14-15 year commitment and I’m not really good at commitments, though I know, without doubt, if I take this on I will stand by my choice.   I will have her (god willing) when I’m in my 60’s but by then she, too, will be slowing down.   I heard the other day that the 40’s are the new 30’s, 50’s are the new 40’s…..I think that is true.  I hardly feel like I’m in my 50’s and I don’t mind with the exception of my parents aging.  The thought of losing them is unbearable.

I have decided to enroll her in an obedience class.  Even if I place her elsewhere, this will be a positive thing.   This will also force me out of my womb,(abode) back socializing with people.   Someone called me a hermit the other day.   I don’t think I am that bad though I must admit, I find solace in single small digits.  I so like my solitude.  The extrovert scale has clearly slid over to introvert.  Whether this be a natural change with maturity, or my isolation from depression, I don’t know and it doesn’t matter.  What is, is.  The number 2 works perfectly for me…and no, I’m not talking about kid’s #2!

I’ve been thinking about hiking again, how nice it would be if I keep Soph.  I always felt safe with Brody.  After he died I stopped because I am afraid to go in the woods alone, the consequence of a childhood experience.  I find great peace and enjoyment in the woods, and with this crazy shepherd I would again, feel protected.   Hiking with Lilly was more work than pleasure.   First of all, she walks behind me, I’m used to a dog running in front then looking back saying “What’s taking you so long?”

I know I am housing a dog who has incredible potential.  She has already added much spice to my life.  She surely is a great dog.  Time will tell.  Time will tell if I will commit to being the leader of her pack for the long run.

I struggle so much with commitment.  Through counseling I found out that what I thought was fear of intimacy has also proven to be fear of commitment.  The conundrum here is that I want to find a partner to spend my life with, time with…that doesn’t mean I will marry again.  I highly doubt I will, it’s not what I want.  I do want companionship, love however both my therapist and I believe in separate houses for two in a relationship.   I like that idea.  You can do things together, stay with each other when desired, but each one of us would have our own space.    Isn’t that a cool idea?  Being in a committed relationship and having your own space.

Back to committing to Sophie, it will largely depend on whether Miss Lilly Wonka will accept her.  As of today she still has not.  Her high pitched barking drives me bonkers.

Off to get the mail, walk the dogs and then come in to enjoy a cup of hot tea.    Surely hope you are having or had a great day! ♥

ps…. just back from taking the dogs for a 20 minute walk in the woods.   It was awesome!  My lungs filled with cold air, movement helped ease yesterdays fall, Sophie right in the front, 75 ft ahead, stopping frequently to do her visual blance ahead, and Lilly right behind me, right at my ankles, but she did wander on her own a bit…. which is excellent if she keeps close by!   I feel awesome!

Today’s artwork is a Hydrangea table.   Instructional pattern packet is available.



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