Alas, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight!


I am so grateful that this day is almost over.  I’ve taken my evening meds and I’m hoping they work slick and quick.   Merry Christmas all, Merry Christmas.  Now let’s dump the television commercials with perfectly unflawed skin, dressed to the nines in velvet, sparkling diamonds and happy times. Let us return to normalcy, the murders, the kidnapping, the dead bodies thrown in for an added bonus.  Okay, Okay, so I’m trying my hand at dark humor, give me a break!

It has been an extremely long day for me.   I didn’t expect this as I thought I was doing so well prior to Christmas Eve.    It is almost over, it is almost over, it is almost over.  Today I could not escape the sadness, the loneliness, the emptiness.   Tomorrow will surely be better.

Today my mind has been drifting to a friendship which I thought was genuine.  While other friends warned me of this, that I was being used by an opportunist, I dismissed their concerns, they obviously did not know this person.  Yet the proof is always in the pudding.  The only time I would hear from them is if they wanted or needed something from me.   Even this I dismissed for a long time because friend’s help each other out, right?  Anyway, live and learn.  I wish sometimes I were cold and callous not caring about things like this.   Instead of feeling hurt, to just brush it off and move on, but that is so, not me.    One would think in my 50′s I could spot this early on.   Live and learn I say, live and learn.

I have oodles of paperwork and details to take care of tomorrow and Friday.  I’m hoping that it goes smoothly.  With the sour mood I am in today, I cannot believe that this will change by daybreak! I can’t even stand myself today! .

Today I looked at local adoptions for dogs.  My Lilly really misses her brother and she is happiest when she is around another dog.   I also think it might help me with my loneliness.  You know, like those people who get pregnant to get more government money?  Or the couple who has children because they think it’s going to cure whatever is ailing their marriage?   Man, we are talking one ugly woman tonight, eh?

With Christmas behind it’s now time to review this year, which I started doing last month, and think about what I aspire to do in 2014.   I aspire to be in a better mood!  It’s a defense mechanism.   I know I’m not alone with the difficulties of this holiday.  It doesn’t help that I’ve been having nose bleeds, 3 today, and my cheeks feel like they’ve been hit by a baseball!   On goes the vaporizer tonight.

Wherever you are, whoever you were or weren’t with, I hope you had a nice day, and if not, I hope you have hung in there, as today is almost past.   I do not care to wish my life away, just the bee sting of this day.

Off to bed where I will say my prayers of gratitude, ask for help for those in need and perhaps include myself on that list tonight.

God speed……………


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