I have really fallen in love all over again with my little Lily. As promised by my mom, she is really coming into her own. Since Brody died her eyes were similar to that when I found her…sad, dead looking. I’m happy and relieved to say, they have sparkle in them again and her little cropped tail is wiggling once again. She “reminds” the cats that she is bigger than them, though not in a cruel manner, just playful. I love my furry kids.
Of late I have been thinking about how fast life goes by. As I watched the Golden Girls the other night I realized that not only have 3 of the 4 of them passed, but I am in the age group that they were when the show started. It’s hard for me to believe that this year my dad will be 80, and that my mom turned 75. I remember thinking how “old” my parents were when they were in the 50’s…yah, right!
I think of family, friends who have passed on, how quickly their lives were over. I think about the areas in my life that I want to change, to grow, and it is as if the biological clock is ticking on that as well. This isn’t dress rehearsal… this is it… this is my chance.
What do I want to do with the rest of my life? The first thing I would say, is to be happier with myself. I, like most of us, am my own worst enemy. The negative banter that rings in my head only serves to drive me farther away from the person I want to be, to become. Guess who needs to make some changes there?
Still, my life events have proven time and time again that acceptance is the key to happiness. I must accept who I am and where I am today in order to make lasting desired changes.
Now I shall go sit at my painting desk. I shall attempt to finish the three paintings I have started. I shall remind myself what a gift it is to be creative, to have God work with me through my heart and out my hands. Everyone has their own “gifts”, “strengths”. What is yours?
I will remind myself that though I cannot balance my checkbook, I can do other things rather well. Brush off the self criticism, the overachiever, the perfectionist who judges herself unmercifully for being human.
I shall treat myself the way I treat my friends, with love, patience, kindness and respect. I finally realize that this is what others meant by “beating myself up”. With prayers sent off for help in my self development, my quest to take better care of and love myself, I know this journey runs parallel with other aspects of my life. I may not be perfect, I may not be where I want to be in my life right now, but I can accept and love myself for where I am right now.