The Return

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Alas, I have returned to my crumb filled keyboard after a three month sabbatical.  I wish I could tell you what I have been doing but its sort of like walking into the kitchen three times, still not coming out with what I went in for!

Summer is here, flowers are blooming, my surroundings are every shade of green imaginable.  It amazes me how one month we are stripped of leaves, foliage, the only green we see are those of the strong pines, everything else is blanketed with snow.  Nonetheless beautiful!  A few months passes and the cold surroundings are long gone.  Picnic tables, flowers, clotheslines, patio furniture and more can be seen in most yards.  The mountains, though not as visible because of all the new foliage, still stand picturesque and steady as my security.  I doubt that I would ever feel as safe anywhere as I do nestled between the mountains.  Yes, I love Vermont.  I love New England.  It is beautiful!

I have been making some changes in my life, one of which is returning to the world of needlecraft design.  I am not giving up my painting!  Just am trying to keep very busy, so spending time doing the earlier will hopefully fill in lapsed time when my mind wonders and goes to vewy vewy scawy places!

The Doobie Brothers are playing in the background.  My mind is with a friend who loved them.   “Ron” was a good person, hysterical by nature, who loved his country and the Yankees.  (We differed there!)   We spent endless hours chatting via phone.  What you can learn about someone when the safety of miles are between you, or at least what you can learn about me is more than a date to a restaurant.   I still have this fear of intimacy, of commitment that I keep chiseling away at in therapy.   Not so sure that it will ever fully disappear, though I do not wish to wear it like second skin.

My yard is empty of two fixtures from the past that surrounded my home and yard.  Brody, for one.  Wow, his 13th birthday is upon us in a couple of days.  This is the first time in 13 years that I haven’t had the old bossy aussie to rule the roost!  What a dog, what a life he lived!  Of course I miss him every day, but I am handling it stronger than I or my family ever would have imagined.  As I work out in the yard I find remnants of his favorite toys.  I choose to allow my memories to make me smile instead of focusing what is no more.  Some days harder to succeed than others.  The other is my friend, Bob.  Bob mowed my lawn for many years, wouldn’t accept any money, but on occasion would accept a gas card.  Brody adored him.  I would always know when it was Bob in the yard as the pitch of Brody’s voice changed drastically.  Bob is at end of life, in a nursing home just down the road from me.    I visit him fairly often, listen a lot.  You can learn a lot by listening to a dying person.   I love that when I show up at his door he has a very big smile, a genuine smile.   To think I could bring that much happiness to someone moves me.

Well, I have a zillion things going on today, painting ornaments for one.  I wanted to “cease the moment” since I haven’t written in so long.  I hope you are all doing well, enjoying good health, and are peaceful and happy.

xx

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