For almost 2 weeks now, I have been sick with the flu. It began with exhaustion, in my lungs, included symptoms that I would rather not talk about and I know you would rather not hear. What remains is the exhaustion and a cough, non-producing cough which i have finally agreed to have a chest xray tomorrow. I thought I was getting better, and indeed I have, but not healed. If I were wearing a poise pad, which I should given the intensity of my coughing, I swear it would blow that sucker 1 mile east. How violent coughing can be on our bodies. My heart actually hurts afterwards. Joy, oh joy.
Today was the first day I have been upstairs in my house in over a week. I haven’t had the strength to climb the stairs. Now if you remember correctly (if any of you care about the mundane aspects of my life)…I now have a stackable washer and dryer on my first floor. This has proven to be most handy during this time. Never in my life have I had baskets of unfolded laundry, and right now I still do not…but what I do have is a chair piled high with clean laundry. I would shit if anyone stopped by to visit. Between that and the dishes (though I did get half of them done…. big progress!)
I can’t stand looking at it myself.
When I could not get rid of the chills I would take my big mink airport blanket (brand new someone left at the airport and I lugged to NC then back to Vt) I throw it in the dryer for a couple of minutes. By the time I got back to the couch all the animals would be waiting in anticipation for what spot they would claim on the heated cover. One night I had a cat on my head, one on my side, another at my feet and Lilly Wonka tucked in front of me…my little cuddle bug.
I have whined enough, I thank you for listening. I will try to somehow turn this whine and cheese party into something worthy of reading.
I spend a lot of time alone, more than the average bear in hibernation. I don’t mind this. When sick, I isolate even more. My loving caring siblings would call me every time I have been in the hospital and I would thank them but really didn’t want to talk to them or anyone else. Over the years my extraverted personality has become less and less. I certainly heal and re-cooperate like an introvert.
Today I realized how crappy I was still feeling when I was on the phone with my PCP triage nurse. “We want you to come in tomorrow to have a chest x-ray”. “No, I really can’t.” “What do you mean you can’t?” “Well, I have breast implants, you see, and I can’t have chest x-rays because it may rupture them. The nurse was quiet, I m sure being extra careful not to antagonize an already apprehensive bitchy patient…”Donna, there is no reason why you cannot have a chest x-ray”…I sputter…”My doctor said…”…..and then it hit me. Um MAMMOGRAM! No, I cannot have anymore mammograms! I can surely have a chest x-ray. Didn’t I feel like an idiot, though we both did get a chuckle over it. That’s it, I have officially lost my mind!
With many quiet hours of thoughts in between naps, I have of course, exercised the deeper areas of my mind with questions like “What do I want to do for the rest of my life, provided I make it through this”… (A little drama thrown in for fun). I told my sister should I die to aim first on my Nerium stash…. we both laughed. I’m telling you, good stuff! Other serious thoughts I had were how old the oldest Twinkie Is..
I’m not sure if I am delusional or disoriented. I’m not sure why it even matters. I am sick and tired or being sick. I am tired of being confined to my humble abode, I am willing this crap out of my body and life! Amen!
Now of course everything I had set to do for the past two weeks hasn’t been done, do I care? Honestly, I really don’t. If the house falls down and crumbles it falls down and crumbles. I bet the beaver hut shaped laundry pile would sponge some of the impact….and I don’t care about that, as long as I can find my other favorite fluffy pink sock.
Between the roots, and overall shape of my hair (bed head times 10) I did manage to find the gift card I have been looking for, tucked in my makeup bag. Um, it has been missing since December…. no comments from the peanut gallery, please. The better question is, why would I be looking through my makeup bag when I am so sick? Well, you see, post menopausal women get unwanted hair on their face. For me I have a family of five that reside on my chin, which reminds me, my youngest sister and I always had a pact that we would make sure the others facial hair was taken care of, should we not be able to tend to it ourselves. I’m going to have to make this same pact with my only remaining sister, but she’ll do it…we all agree us “Lucier” women do not look good in fu man shoos. Anyway, after my cat climbed up onto my lap by straddling one of the overgrown hairs, and my mind raced to Jack and the Bean Stalk, fear took over as I imagined myself looking as straggly as New England men who say to hell with shaving, it’s winter!
And now, I have used up all my energy, I am headed back to the couch soon to be asleep again.
Did you ever see the Golden Girls episode when Rose was singing at a fund raising event “I never thought I’d grow a hair, there”…..
To your health,.,,,,,,