I have been in a dark funk for several days. Dreading waking up, dreading my days…this isn’t me. I have a wonderful life. I do what I love for work, and am embarking on new endeavors that I am excited about. I have five fantastic furry kids that keep me company and warm and offer unconditional love all the time, particularly after one steals my bagel right from my hands. I own my humble little abode, I have family who I love and who loves me, I have friends, very good kind friends that are always there with their hand when needed. For this moment, I have my health. I have an ability to bring joy to others, to make others laugh…I love this about me. So why dread?
There is a strong possibility that seasonal depression disorder is the cause. My schedule has been way out of whack, awake all night, sleep all morning and therefore only seeing 3-5 of sunlight…this isn’t good. It is only December and I feel myself going backwards. I’m having some health issues that are also playing into this, but why worry? Worry changes nothing. God has always brought me through difficulties, he will help me through this. Dread leads to deep dark holes and fear. Forcing myself to get up and out has been difficult, at minimum, though I have done it the last few days, meeting friends for lunch.
Just a couple weeks ago I was feeling great, excited about my life, my attitude, perspective, grateful for all the blessings I have been granted, and there are many. What am I doing different, today, than I was then?
Are you listening to music, my friend Harry said? Muaic always soothes you, are you listening to it, Donna? “No”, I said, as I looked over at the Bose and thought to myself…how quickly I can forget what makes me feel good. I have to work at keeping myself happy, keeping myself out of darkness. Nutritional food, no sugar, exercise, meditation and for me…MUSIC! I so love music!
So after arriving home from lunch I turned on my stereo, cranked it, and actually painted a few cabinets (not decorative, just boring stuff but nonetheless therapeutic). Dylan Unplugged (Like a rolling stone blasting right now); Harry Chapin; Cat Stevens, various artists, the soundtrack to Forest Gump (It rocks!); have filled my afternoon and early evening. I am smiling, I am feeling hopeful, I am doing so much better. There, of course, is music that I need to stay clear from as it will take me down like a cement ball in water, but for the most part, music soothes me, it makes me feel alive, it inspires me, it makes my body want to dance, it is my muse.
In fifth grade (back when we used to have music class) our music teacher was Mrs. Chang. She would come into the room, sit at the piano and say “Okay students, it’s time for your moosick lessons”….. It is time that I start implementing, on a daily basis, all that makes me feel good.