This year soon coming to pass

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By the time my birthday rolls around in early December, I start reminiscing and reviewing the year past, looking at what I hope to accomplish in the upcoming year. It has been another challenging year for me. A year of was trying not only on me, but my family and friends. Mental illness sucks, but it is a part of my life. I’m not ashamed of it, no one is at risk of getting harmed when it acts up, only myself. In light of all the violence that has taken place, most recently the Newtown, CT massacre of babies and children, I have thought of purchasing a purse gun. This scares me as first, I’m a klutz, and second, I’m afraid I will accidentally shoot myself in one of my implants and it will burst all over the place!

It is hard to feel hopeful and in the Christmas spirit given the tragic events of the past few days, but still, it is an important holiday to celebrate, to acknowledge. I will keep those whose lives have been forever altered, negatively, painfully in my prayers, and I will enjoy my time with my family and friends and be grateful for another holiday with them all.

The year is coming to close with my being much healthier. I am humbled, I am grateful. There was a period of time there that I didn’t think I’d see the end of 2012, but I am glad I am. I am grateful for my caregivers, all the support and encouragement I received locally and afar. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

This past year also brought the passing of my oldest sister, Karen. In a matter of 5 days from start to finish, she was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer and died 5 days later. After knowing how my kid sister suffered with this, I am grateful it was quick for Karen. My parents are healing. They know they can leave the world knowing that Karen is home, Karen is safe, Karen is not suffering anymore. It also brought a reunion between me and a guy I grew up with…it has been fun to catch up with him. I only live 20 miles from where I grew up, but I sort of dropped off the face of the earth. I have been in hiding, isolating for many years. Perhaps this, too, is coming to a close. I also lost a dear friend, Ralph, whom I miss terribly. Ralph had been sick, it was expected but not so soon. I will never ever forget his generosity and kindness, and his concern for others even at his own death bed. My friend Ron, whom I dated and we remained friends for a couple of years, died unexpectedly in July. That was difficult to handle as well.

Out of 5 children we are down to 3. It seems pretty unbelievable. Coming from a large family when you lose a sibling you lose a part of yourself. I am grateful to have reconciled with my brother, as this really pulled on my heart strings. I will not go into details, I will just say, I love my brother, my niece very much. I am grateful they are both back in my life. It is only the three of us now, my older sister (the bossy one), myself and my brother. Every day without the presence of cancer is a gift in my family. Every single day.

I wish for world peace, I wish for all the violence to stop. I wish for longevity of the peace and serenity I currently feel. I wish this for all of us.

My Brody boy (australian shepherd) is getting old. He is also getting fat. There are signs that his life is coming to close. He is 12.5 years old, I do not want to think about this, but I must. My mother and I have a pact that we will make the decision together when it is time to put him down. I will not allow him to suffer, he has been too good a dog, such a good pal and best friend. I never knew I could love an animal so much. I think my parents are afraid of what this will do to me, and frankly, I am too, but such is life. Loss seems to be a enormous part of my life, I hope I will eventual come to accept this. My cats, too, are getting up their in age. Jenny, my Maine Coon cat is 17, Zoey & Chloe, my white girls (no racism meant at all), are 15, and then there is my little Lilly Wonka, last years rescue that ended up rescuing me! She is thought to be around 3. I worry for her, too, that not only will there be a snowball of loss because of the closeness in age, but also that she loves her siblings… adores them actually.

I don’t mean to be negative, I am just being real. These are important creatures in my life, my children, I love them with all my heart. I will celebrate this holiday with them with immense gratitude in my heart for yet one more Christmas with them. By the way, I figure Brody deserves to eat his way out of this world, it is what makes him happy now, it also is what is making him fat.

It is hard to feel hopeful and in the Christmas spirit given the tragic events of the past few days, but still, it is an important holiday to celebrate, to acknowledge. I will keep those whose lives have been forever altered, negatively, painfully in my prayers, and I will enjoy my time with my family and friends and be grateful for another holiday with them all.

As you review the past year, I hope it is filled with love and good memories…I have much to be grateful for.

May peace be with you…..

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About anartistslife

Through the many trials, triumphs and tribulations of my life, I share my stories to help others. I share my thoughts to perhaps bring a new point of view to my readers, and I share my opinions because I just have better ideas! ♥♥! Where would we be without humor?

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