The past few days fleeting moments of nausea advanced and settled in today on a more consistent basis. I was fortunate to find myself into a position of resting, in which I participated most of the day. I just woke up for the 50th time, and now tucked comfortably into bed. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will bring good things and my feeling much much better.
One week from today I turn 51. It seems impossible, particularly because I act like an 18 year old…nah, not really. At 18 I thought I knew everything. If I knew half, now, of what I thought I knew then, then I’m doing alright!
December rolled in with fallen snowflakes which covered the ground. The first snow, even if this was non accumulating, cleaned up the colorless crisp grounds that now crunch as you walk. I took solace in being able to still see the ground, as I’m not ready for accumulation. I’m not ready for shoveling, nor am I ready to be driving in the snow. This reminds me, I need to get my moms snow tires on this week. It’s already time for gloves, hats and warm coats. The snowmobile suits are on their way. NOT!
There is something I want to do, this holiday season, for someone I love. This will bring increased independence and help. I am praying for the answer in how to accomplish this. Perhaps in the Christmas spirit, perhaps just an act of love or kindness…perhaps I am being devinely guided. In any case, I surely hope it will be attainable.
I’ve lived long enough to know that most things are cyclic. That God gives us what we need, we just need to step out of the way and allow his Will to shine through. Faith surely is a gift, a blessing, sunshine in what can be a cruel cold world. I am grateful for my beliefs, for my faith. I would define myself as spiritual. I am most grateful for my spirituality. I am also that I am feeling better, walking in light again. My mom and I were talking today, the challenges in life will roll in and out with the tide. My spirituality carries me through that which I feel unable to on my own. I realize now, we are never alone. The more intelligent we are the deeper into the forest or areas of isolation, thus the farther the way back to light. Thank you, all, for your thoughts and prayers, for your guidance and love as I walked the cold of clinical depression. I am so happy that it has lifted, that I am once again coping with life on a much healthier basis…humility surely can be a powerful gift, as the greatest gift that comes from this is, in fact, gratitude. Some people look at me strangely (well, I actually get that a lot anyway) when I say “I am grateful to be grateful”. The other day I saw a fox, a blue heron and a deer. What a great day that was! Tomorrow I will have another great day.
Wherever you are in the world today I hope you find yourself walking in light, feeling the warmth of and guidance from God’s touch. May the Christmas spirit fill your heart with love and the holy spirit.