I’m chowing down some macaroni & cheese from the food bank. It’s actually not too bad, but I wish I could find my pepper. What is a meal without pepper???>??
What a crazy world we live in. Was it this crazy growing up and I didn’t see it or have things changed as drastically as I think they have? Things like: Verizon charges you $5 if you pay your bill in cash; the mortgage company won’t help me because I don’t make enough money…. though I’m sitting on equity. Computer generated collection calls every hour on the hour…. Oh yeah, life is grand… but really it is when I look at all the positives in my life.
Fall weather is quickly turning brisk. Scenes of smoke barreling out of chimneys, and piles of cord wood being stacked all in preparation for another winter in Vermont. The first snowfall is always beautiful, well unless it was last years on Halloween! That was just too darn early. Fortunately for my checkbook and back, we had very little snow unlike the year before when I felt like a pioneer woman shoveling, raking roofs, flooded cellar and more. I know that sounds ridiculous, but when you are “doing it or any of it” as a single woman I think “this isn’t what I had in mind when I turned 50!”
Choices. I have made some bad choices that I am still paying the piper for. But, lessons come daily, it is only a mistake if you don’t learn from it. And we are as rich as our beliefs and gratitude for what we have. I have much. I have food, clothing, shelter. I have wonderful caring friends. I have a family that now doesn’t just include my immedciate family and furries, but cousins that have come back into my life through facebook. Like everyone else, I’m sure… if I could only have a fresh start…but that doesn’t happen.
I visited with a girlfriend today that I haven’t seen in a long while. It was so nice just sitting in her home, looking out the windows of the most spectacular views of Vermont & New Hampshirew. I love it when you pick right back where you left off though time has passed since seeing each other. She’s a love, seeing her makes me smile.
Today was one of those days that it was difficult to get anything done. Not for lack of trying, but, as a friend worded it… I’m at A, to get to D you walk through b and c. But days like today there are so many steps in between each letter that I find myself with one foot in Z and the other one still in A…. frustrating. It is what it is. As Scarlet O’Hare said “Tomorrow is another day”. I’m going to end my day by doing something for myself, for my home. I love putting my creativity to work with what I have or have picked up for little or nothing. It makes me smile. Oh, and by the way? My mom said that Martha Stewart would be jealous of my shower curtain… I’ll have to post pics. Just pay no mind to the tumbleweeds of fur that may appear in the picture! My girlfriend had given me a vacuum that worked great for a couple months then started to make really loud scary noises. My cousins wife had given me a small vacuum to use on my electronics, I have my moms little vacuum that I have to dump out the fur every 2 minutes…. but now I have one that is specially made for pets… $25 brand new….of course it was a Craigslist find. I’ll let you know how it works.
I am finding and identifying with loneliness. I also saw a man today in Carhardt pants and said “wow, nice ass!”…. I think I’m getting better! 🙂 Seriously, I still have some very difficult trying days, but I am also having good days and learning how to make choices and do things in a way that cause less stress or worry on myself. What the hell does all of this matter when I go to meet my maker? I believe it will all be about relationships, how I have treated or helped others, have I participated in making my community better? Have I reached out to others and helped them and in return let others help me? Have I opened my heart and allowed love to live within? Those are the things that are important to me, and those also happen to be the things that I am suceeding at…so Yeah for me!
I hope wherever you are in this world, you are finding peace, quiet, and gratitude for all that you have, giving no attention to what you don’t have…. But even with that I can be positive…. I don’t have cancer right now! 🙂 🙂 🙂
The macaroni n cheese was pretty good, the powerade zero grape tastes yummy, and I’m off to do something fun in the safety of my home, my womb, my world. Hugz to you all! xx
ps Which are x’s and which are o’s? Hugs? Kisses? I am utterly confused.