I am flat on my back and have been since arriving home from Ohio. These are the consequences of standing on my feet too long, or sitting too long, or picking my butt or nose too long…. (poor attempt at humor). For the past few days I threw tramadol on my plethora of daily medicines, it kind of serves as the cherry on the top!
I did manage to get to psycho therapy today. Due to circumstances out of my control, I haven’t been in two weeks. Two weeks is way too long for me to go without it.
Did I tell you I’m a miserable bear today? Plain ugly, and I turned to food (junk food) for comfort so that only echoes how crappy I feel. I keep reminding myself it is darkest before the dawn, and that hopefully tomorrow I will feel relief. Do I know that there are others who have it so much worse than me? Of course I do. But for some reason whining tonight seems to help fill the time. I do not do well without having my hands or mind busy and there is JUNK on television.
I’m grateful to be home, my furries have been taking turns sleeping in the ell of my arm, thus revealing FLEAS! Shit I can’t win today!
I did get to visit for a few minutes with my friend Chris this morning, and postponed a dinner date with my friend Harry (Noodle) as we’re both down with pain today. I worry about him. I have known Harry since I was 21. I got custody of him in the divorce. He was friend’s with my now ex. He is also the best thing that came out of that marriage. We have been thru so much together. Reminds me of a song that Harry Chapin’s brother sang “Circle”…… a verse “Old friends, they seem much more to me than the new friends do, cuz they know where you are, and they know where you’ve been”…
For a fleeting moment I just smiled, watching my Lilly girl and Jennifur (Maine Coon cat) snuggle up to each other. It’s rather sweet.
Therapy was helpful today. I really am pleased with my therapist. I feel fortunate to have her and the team of doctors that I do. It’s feeling like I’m going to have to call my friend Justine and get a workup this week to try to rid myself of these high pain levels. Also have to call my Doctor’s office to find out the results of the MRI I had on my knee a couple weeks ago. My leg is hurting more and the baker’s cyst on the back of the knee seems to be getting bigger… joy.
I laid on the couch today thinking about aging, thinking about life. When I think about how much of my life I have spent or wasted foolishly on trying to please others or caring what others thought of me, I shudder. Today I have been thinking about my bucket list, which really isn’t too long, but there is one thing on there I really want to get done and have to find a way of completing this….my book. Shall I write on Tea with Fleas? Pain Lane? Yes, the title of this blog was written with Kathy Bates and James Caan in mind.
I should probably delete this post, but somehow it is bringing me a bit of relief to be able to complain. Do I know I have it easier than many? Hell yes! Am I grateful, hell yes! Am I still miserable and bitchy today? Hell yes!
Hope your day went better than mine, and I’m hoping tomorrow morning I will awaken to brighter skies and less pain.
Sending soft, very soft hugz tonight and wishes for a wonderful nights sleep for all, or in the case of my friend Georgie…. a wonderful day performing the job that she so loves.