No matter which direction on the globe of life I go: North, South, East, or West; there is so much pain and turmoil in the world. This economy has affected all of us, many have lost their jobs and some, myself included, may lose their homes.
Tonight I posted a joke on my fb page “if you’re happy and you know it thank your meds”. A friend of several years with whom we have helped each other thru much ( survivers of alcoholism, the demise and deaths of those we loved afflicted with the disease of addiction) sent a pm to me that she didn’t think it was funny, that she didn’t have the “luxury” of staying in bed taking pills like I do…. blah blah blah. I asked her if there was something she wanted to talk about, as this was SO out of character for her. This is a very kind, very loving, hard working woman whom I considered and still consider a friend. I have never seen or heard her this angry, or judgemental. If we disagreed on something we would disagree and move on.
I am 50 years old, I do not need to prove anything to anyone, nor do I care to spend my time doing so. What I want in life is peace, serenity, love… Call me an old hippy, I probably am, I dress like one I guess. But after years of tolerating abuse in varied degrees, I am no longer doing so. I deserve better. And likewise, I have learned it is not MY responsibility or MY business what another persons life entails or their decisions. If I have the ability to help others, I do…sadly one of the areas in which my therapist is working on is not giving too much help to others, but withholding it for myself.
When I write publically I (or anyone else) open myself up for ridicule and comments of all kinds. I’ve been fortunate to enough to have only 3 people be blatingly rude and “text assaulting” me in the years that I’ve been writing. What transpired last night saddens me as this person, who said that drugs are for the weak, I believe could and would benefit from some. Her decision to not take them is hers, as my decision to take them so that I can live a somewhat normal peaceful existance. Without them, I cannot. I am reminded of when I didn’t think my antidepressants weren’t working until I went off from them, and my family and friends surely let me know… they WERE helping because without them I was a raging lunatic.
There isn’t too many people I know whom have it easy right now. Times are hard for most of us. I am a very honest person, what you see is what you get. I share my life because when I was diagnosed with cancer, I wanted others to know who I was and what I stood for, and went thru, before I died. I share because I feel like my writing has touched many, from the numerous emails I get thanking me for this blog or that blog. If my experiences can help another not feel so alone in their problems, then great! I am not looking for sympathy…. and by the way do you know where you find that in the dictionary? Between shit and syphilis! I am offering my life, my experiences in an altruistic way. There are days I’m sure I sound like I’m sitting on the pity pot, who doesn’t have these days? But I believe the difficulties I have had and still do have in my life re: relationships, health, and other make me a better person, and that is one who can offer empathy to others. Sympathy has nothing to do with my writing at all.
It’s sad that our nation is in such scrambles. It’s sad that the economy rots and people are losing jobs, homes, security. I have said this before, and I will say it again, if you don’t like what you are reading here, stop reading it! It’s as simple as that. I do not tell others what to do, what to read, nor am I looking for handouts. I do not want anyone telling me what to do or suggesting I use my writing to gain sympathy. I am also smart enough to know, if they think that, it’s their business, not mine. I can no more help them than I could the alcoholics in my life who didn’t want the help. I can, however, offer forgiveness and an ear, and typically empathy for their circumstances.
Life is hard, some have it harder than most. I do not compare my life, struggles or pain with anothers unless it is to jolt me out of my self pity mode, and trust me, that has happened many times. You never have to look too hard to find someone in worse shape than you are. It’s sad, but true.