Today has been a trying day. The shock is wearing off, reality of all that has transpired in the past week is in the forefront of my heart and chest. As if my problems with memory from depression are not bad enough, grief takes it up another notch of two…. Oh yes, I said to myself earlier, grief has begun, and so enters the cradle of idiocy.
Tonights storms echo what my heart feels…. tears, giant tears.
This morning I wrote my sisters obituary, ran it by my dad, and submitted it to the funeral home. The service will be postponed until June or probably July due to family wanting to attend from up and down the East Coast.
My sister will be cremated. Her ashes will be buried with my paternal grandparents, something I am confident they would both like. The box in which her ashes will be buried in was gifted to my family from my friends, Joe & Mary at JB Wood. I have yet to open the box it came in, trying to be kinder and easier on myself. I will be painting it. Karen loved nature, butterflies, frogs, animals, including horses. I’m not quite sure what I am going to paint on it, but it will come to me as it is supposed to.
A childhood friend of mine called me tonight. It was nice. He always makes me smile, and tonight was no exception. It’s nice to have friends, friends who have known you back when you weren’t old enough to know any better! It was a highlight of my day.
I then received a phone call from a woman whom I have taught a couple of years ago. When I teach, at the beginning of class I share my breast cancer story and always offer my help and encouragement to anyone who finds themselves with the beast knocking on their door. On occasion I will give prizes to the student who had the last mammogram, and things of that nature. It was such a gift that she called, and the timing of such was impeccable. I needed to know that perhaps I could make a difference, albeit small, in the life of someone walking through cancer. It helped me to feel better about myself, and my day.
I was scheduled to have a ct scan tomorrow on my spine as follow up of whatever they saw on the body scan, but we had a storm come rippling through tonight and it blew out the machine……… Yippee, I get to sleep in!
It seems funny to me that when you have run the gammet of emotions, mostly painful, it takes very little to bring a smile back to your face, or at least mine. It’s nice.
It’s almost time for bed, to which I am grateful. I hope I sleep tonight. True confessions… yesterday I decided to get drunk instead of sit with my feelings. They were too painful. I haven’t gotten drunk since my niece got married….. hmmm 7 years ago or more?
We may not be able to control everything, but we can control how we treat other people, and I choose to treat others with love and kindness. Let’s have a lovefest! Come on! xxx