As I sit and feel the warm breeze on my skin, tousling my newly short hair softly against my face and neck I am watching my dogs play, and the blue bird standing on top of the birdhouse, his 5th season residing. I glance over at the easel that took me 40 minutes to figure out how to set up… and I didn’t cuss once! Birds are chirping, music playing in the background…I look around to see what is missing. Wow… I think it’s the darkness! I smile… I am healing, Praise God I am healing!
I was on the telephone last night with a friend in need. At 3:30am we decided to meet at 7:15 for breakfast and invite a couple of friends via text. I was up by 6:30, out the door by 7:00. As I was walking into the cafe one of the friends I was meeting there jumps out of her car and walks in with me, and to my delight inside sat a new friend, someone whose existence brings me hope, someone I relate to, someone I’m grateful to have met. Breakfast was spent sharing, consoling, listening…listening can be as brilliant as patience. Reminiscing on the first time I was at a 12 step meeting and heard “You have two ears and one mouth for a reason”. Tears were shed, laughter was heard, if a scrabble game was on the table it would have spelled out “friendship”. Healing!
The four of us headed off to a 12 step meeting, the topic of which was Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. What does that mean? That means that I can use my experience, strength, hope to help another walking the difficult path that I have walked. For me, this is the “pay it forward” step, healing, reaching out your hand to another, the pain no longer in vain, but given light…more healing!
Upon returning I paid a surprise visit to two women who “took me in” after my first divorce. It was a wonderful visit. It is nice to visit, not just show up when I’m in crisis. Who needs a crisis? I don’t. Home, I’m coming home I thought. Like a ballplayer flying by first and second base, touching third and giving it his all to get to home plate…. score! Circles….I’ve lived long enough to know that life works in circles, great big circles. Not only does what goes around comes around, but you really do not need to pay much attention to the details, just show up, participate in life… the rest will be layed out for you, and if you feel anxious, just keep walking cuz you’re not going to get lost if its a circle. You will always end up back where you left off, only hopefully wiser, smarter, stronger. Hope!
Lilly Wonka sits anxiously looking nonchaulantly under the once garden shed that now houses my paintings and supplies. She is waiting for the 3 baby bunnies to come hopping out so she can scare the bageebas out of them. It’s amazing how that little dog’s nose hits the ground chasing them bunnies, when I once was co owner of beagles that were supposed to be rabbit hunters who didn’t give nearly 1/10th of interest that this little terrior does. By the way, the beagles names were Abbott & Costello. I also once had chickens named after The Golden Girls, Lucy & Ethel…the rooster’s name was Stan… the ex husband. The bunnies duck back underneath the shed, Brody lays panting, quietly watching with no ambition but filled with the same amusement as I. Healing.
A friend and I took the dogs on a hike today. It was nice, the weather was absolutely beautiful. Being outside and getting exercise, watching the dogs race around fully enjoying themselves brought me great joy. Healing.
Tomorrow I am venturing to NH to see my friend Tony’s gardens and home he just moved back into after a very nasty 2 year divorce, to be followed by his grilling up some good eats. Circles. Life is full of circles. This is the uncle of someone once very very close to me and my sister Darlene. Someone once considered family that I will always love. Hey, it’s nice to have friends, and have room in my heart for new ones. It is going to be nice to see the gardens that he so passionately spoke of, those that have been neglected over his 2 year absense. Happiness, healing.
Today has been a really nice day for me. A day filled with peace, smiles, helping another, germinating new friendships and holding things ever so lightly. When you put your hands to your face against your eyes, what do you see? Darkness. But if you put your hands to your face against your eyes and keep your fingers loose and open you are allowing light in! Healing.
I am healing. I am so grateful… I am healing.