After a very long, but productive day of partial hospitalization (group psycho therapy), I came home to walk the dogs in the pouring rain. I had told my girlfriend I would be (with beads in hand) at her house at 4:30, which we’ve decided will become a ritual. Every Tuesday night I will show up with new projects for her beautiful daughters to do, and have dinner with them. I was overwhelmed, confused, and becoming frustrated as I couldn’t focus on what I needed to bring with me. Also on my mind when I make plans is the pressure (for me) of not cancelling. This is one of the ways I isolate. I hate this about myself, but I’m working on changing it. As I sat there near tears, befuddled, my cousin stopped by…perfect timing. It helped me to talk to her about this and other things. I’m NOT crazy!
Anyway, went and made earrings and beaded bookmarks with the girls and had a delicious steak dinner, time with my girlfriend. It was nice, and reminded me of how wonderful it is to watch and listen to children. “Out of the mouths of babes”.
Upon returning home I once again walked the dogs, this time it wasn’t pouring rain. When we came in I was walking to the refrigerator, Brody was on the floor in front of me. Usually he moves, well he’s getting older, senile, kinda cranky so I call “Old Duke”. Well, he didn’t move, and as I stepped over him, I stepped on his fur. While trying to save both of us from being hurt I somehow twisted and fell, head first into the front of my oven. OUCH…. I layed there for a few minutes waiting for the stars to go away, and afraid to put my hands on my head for fear there would be blood, but nope there wasn’t. Eventually I got up, like Old Dukette feeling woozy. I wanted to go up to bed and lay down, go to sleep, but instead I called my mother to explain to her what had happened. What do I do? Should I take migraine meds because surely I’ll be getting a doozer. She suggested STRONGLY I not to go to sleep for a few hours, and see how my head feels. Well, its 5 hours later, my head is pounding in center top above forehead. I’m hoping this jolt will somehow readjust “things” and return my brain back to clearer, smarter days of my life… you know, like remembering my own name? Oy.
All in all it was a good day. Tomorrow I will be discharged from partial hospitalization and will be turned over to out patient care. It has been a long exhausting journey starting March 15th, the day I admitted myself for severe depression, anxiety and suicidal ideations. I can say today that I am doing much better. I believe the new medications have kicked in, all the group therapy, talking has helped, and cutting sugar out of my life again, as well as exercising and getting sleep now…. I think I’m going to be okay. Last Friday was the first day in many months that I have felt like myself….
So, if I don’t wake up tomorrow morning because of injury to my brain (yes, meant to sound dramatic)…. please make sure my furries get fed! And email my mom for first dibs on my painting and beading supplies! 🙂