I am both pleased and excited to tell you that today I had a good day! I slept 5 hours, woke up before the alarm, showed up at group sporting my new short hair, it took some a couple seconds to figure out who I was… My groups went very well, I really participated today…got home at 4:30, played with the dogs, ate some chicken and then fell into bed and fast asleep until a few minutes ago. Soon I’ll be heading back down for the night. It is exhausting, just exhausting. I don’t think I’ll be doing much during the week other than group, given how pooped I am.
I know it’s just one day, but it felt so good to feel “good” again. I don’t think I’m all the way out of the woods, in fact, I know I’m not, but having a good day is such a blessing.
The cool air tonight should lend, for what I hope to be, a good nights sleep. Because my days are so short (ie: falling asleep when I get home) time seems to be flying by. Oy and oy.
Next week they are weaning me from the anxiety meds they put me on when I was inpatient. I’m trying not to think about it, or get anxious about it though I’m so afraid of backsliding.
Today I had a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). This type of therapy combines standard cognitive-behavioral techniques for emotion regulation and reality-testing with concepts of distress tolerance, acceptance, and mindful awareness largely derived from Buddhist meditative practice. DBT may be the first therapy that has been experimentally demonstrated to be generally effective in treating BPD (Bi-polar disorder).b A meta-analysis found that DBT reached moderate effects. Research indicates that DBT is also effective in treating patients who present varied symptoms and behaviors associated with spectrum mood disorders, including self-injury. Recent work suggests its effectiveness with sexual abuse survivors and chemical dependency. -excerpt from Wikipedia
I also had a group on PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) which was equally insightful, and likewise, draining.
The idea behind all of this “psych school” is to teach coping skills, give patients tools to use to help, prevent themselves from going back “down” again. Though it is sad that there are very young patients in this program (18 and up), it is equally a hopeful that, if they learn and utilize these tools to success, the likelihood of their going on to live happier, more fulfilling lives, without mental illness (depression, bi-polar, alcohol or substance abuse). As I have shared before, this is my fourth hospitalization for depression. It was upsetting to read my “prognosis” on my discharge (from inpatient) papers: “Fair, with financial support”.
Not going to think about that now, but instead listen to some soothing music before I drift off (hopefully) to sleep. I hope you, too, have a restful nights sleep. xx