Though last night was a difficult night, and sleep was not part of my vocabulary, I had a wonderful morning. A friend called and said “get dressed, I’ll be down in 20 minutes with the dogs, we’re going for a walk”… and so started my morning. It was really nice. We walked on a trail that we used to years ago, when our dogs were much younger! I have to say, I think I’m in better shape now than I was then because I didn’t do a lot of huffing and puffing.
Following that, however, I was sorting through some stuff and found pictures of happier times, and that triggered in me another crying bender that I think lasted 3 hours. The kind of crying that you cannot catch your breath in between, and when snot takes over! I do think, however, that crying is good, it can be a cleansing.
I have been collecting paperwork and medical files for the purpose of disability (my doctors at the psych hospital all assumed I was already on it)… Upon reading notes from therapists, that made me even sadder. My thoughts, my feelings of these notes also made me cry. I am not depressed everyday of my life, but I have been the larger majority of the past few years. In therapy I’m learning how to divert my thoughts, my feelings and stick and choose happier things to think about, but hey… sometimes life is hard and your pain cannot be masked (nor do I think it should be)…
I want to thank you all for prayers, and for my friends who have gone above and beyond to help me through this difficult time. Thank you, my cup runneth over…. but then of course I’m crying because of that too! I told a friend tonight via fb that I’m not crying for the dead bugs (ladybug imposters) on the ground…. Good grief!
I’ll be heading to bed early tonight. I was happy to think I could sleep in tomorrow and hide , then I realized, nope… I have outpatient therapy all day M-F… oy.
Thank you all once again for your continued prayers and outpouring of concern. I cannot tell you how much that means to me during this difficult time. xx