Today was filled with appointments. Med changes are going well. The plan is to increase the new medication(which is an anti-convulsant) that they use in smaller doses for Bipolar, and other mental illnesses (depression being one), and then slowly decrease the antidepressants I’m on. The desired goal would be to get off the antidepressants entirely, though I’m not holding my breath on that one…have been on them since my early 20’s and coming off just seems unlikely…but I am hopeful. Also on another new medicine which I am taking 3 times a day, this is helping with sleep (last night I slept 4.5 hours straight!), migraines and pain control. I am not being vague purposely, I just cannot remember the names of the medications. Memory and cognitive are still a problem, hopefully it will disappear somewhere in between the med changes. I refuse narcotics for pain. I hate the stuff. Anyway, coming off two medications one for sleep, the other for anxiety in place of the two new ones. Antidepressants (including 2 that I am on and have been on) may counteract the Tamoxifen, which is what I’m taking to prevent a breast cancer recurrence. So I’m hopeful that I will be able to do this (get off the antidepressants, that is). A new therapist isn’t happening this week, I do not have energy for the hunt. I did get a lead today on a “behavioral cognitive therapist” which is something I’m interested in. Will be calling him tomorrow. I really do not care to start “over” with yet another therapist and give all the nitty gritty details of my childhood, past, present. My past is gone, I’m at peace with all of it. I need help with learning how to live with this pain, and to work through this depression. It’s ironic that when I wrote that I realized, I am admitting its presence. For months I have argued with my pcp that it was “situational” not “clinical” and now I realize, it really doesn’t matter which… it’s serious stuff and I need to get a handle on it.
Physical therapy went well. They did ultrasound on my hand and worked on the scar tissue that has already formed underneath. They explained to me how it grows (YUCK)…. so they were working on disrupting that and softening up what has been very stiff. There is a pocket of fluid in it…she said it will dissipate. It’s coming along, just much slower than I wished. I’m not really thrilled to say that my ring finger also on my right hand is starting to have the same symptoms. It is probably the same thing I have in my hand (Dupruytren’s). How the hell am I supposed to pick my nose? Just what I need, another disease to add to my list!
Upon arriving home after errands and appointments Brody boy and Lilly Wonka and I went on a hike in the woods. It was longer than our usual, Brody lead the way today. Normally we walk on snowmobile paths, but today the cranky old “duke” desired differently. So we hiked up and down hills, trampsing in brown fallen leaves that have embedded themselves in the ground. I became startled when I was stepping over a hollowed out log that had the most beautiful green moss on it, when I heard something in it shuffling….. Being the brave, strong, curious one that I am… I ran!
Now snuggled into my bed, cozied into the electric blanket that my sister bought me, I am ready to shut my eyes, say my prayers and fall fast asleep…That would be really nice if it would happen. Sweet dreams all!
“Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here!” – As Good As it Gets