As typically true in my life, I’m given what I need, but not always what I want. I have been lonely lately. Not lonely for others, but for someone special in my life. My mind slips back to happier times, being in love, sharing my life with someone I loved very much, someone I will never forget, nor do I ever want to.
Have you ever felt the energy of someone who has passed on? Have you known, without a shadow of doubt the presence of someone or something that your human eyes could not see, nor your human hands could not touch? It’s ironic, if you’ve ever been with someone as they are passing, it is not uncommon for them to talk to or be seeing loved ones who have long since passed. These “events” if you will, have been defined as drug related hallucinations, and more, totally dismissing the possibility that perhaps they ARE in fact being visited or “readied” by someone who has walked the path of death before them? Is it that hard to believe? Am I insane or spiritual? Some would say, wishful… but the truth is, I do believe. I have had profound conscious moments, gifts where I know… this is not all there is. I, too, have second guessed or doubted these experiences, only to have more unfold. Having also a sixth sense from early childhood on, I have a very high sensitivity to energies, to “signs”. I’m reminded of filling out match dot com where I chose to NOT date an aethiest. Agnostic, yes, but aethiest, no. We just wouldn’t jive.
Sometimes I feel sad, cheated out of a long life with Jim. Other times I am nothing but grateful for having this person in my life. I think about all the good, I long for one more…anything. Don’t we all? Eventually I settle in to acceptance, once again, tears are replaced with smiles as I reminisce over the wonderful memories.
You see, I really believe I’m fortunate, as I do believe and know that love is an amazing thing. It doesn’t stop just because someone has passed, or you no longer can see them or touch them. I also believe that the very pangs in our heart from loss are healed by those who have gone before us… Angels? Jim was hardly an angel, but he was a good man with a nasty disease. He’d be the angel with horns! I have been blessed with immense love and also been blessed with the loss of such. It has taught me how precious every day, every moment is, how there are many things in my life that I may desire control, but that I truly have NO control over. I guess you could say, I have very hard difficult days, but then I have days where I just bask in the direction of the wind, trusting it’s guidance and delivery to new people, places, things.