Reflections of self


Today has been a challenge for me.    Just as music can bring a smile to our face, awaken our souls, it can also drop us to our knees in tears…this is also true of dreams.  I had repeatedly painful dreams last night, setting a difficult emotional tone to rise above this morning.    I plodded onward, starting work early, chipping away at my “to do” list.   It has been one of those days where you broach obstacle after obstacle, prohibiting you from succeeding or accomplishing desired tasks.    A few minutes ago I crawled back into bed fully intending to nap and start my day all over again.  It will be better!

Oh my gawd!  As I’m typing this a movie is playing in the background.  I  just glanced over to find a young, physically fit and ripping Steven Seigal in EXTREMELY tight jeans.   Wowser!  I think I may have to talk to my plastic surgeon about lowering what seems to now be a  permanent raised eyebrow!     I did manage however, to get my jaw to the closed position.  It hit my chest very quickly and with force, so now I’m hoping for swelling!    I digress. 

I value honesty.  I take pride in being a very honest person.  Sometimes my honesty gets me into trouble, or hurts others feelings.  My intention is nothing close to either of those but to help, offer support, suggestions…much of which is unsolicited.     I DO think about the person’s feelings as I’m thinking about what to say or how to respond.  A couple of days ago I trotted down the old path of doing this with someone I care about, pointing out some “observations” of mine.   Well, wouldn’t you know it, I hurt this person.   The response back to me was what you would expect from a very kind, caring person, exemplifying their kindred spirit and heart.     Warning:  When you hold a mirror up for someone else to look at something unbecoming you have pointed out in them, remember first that the 8x magnifying mirror is facing you!   Whether this is karma or years of 12 step work that has taught me to “keep my own side of the road clean”, and look at what my part (in any situation) is, I truly am grateful for the awareness.  I dislike, however the process and jargon of feelings and emotions of seeing my own flaws magnified.    I am working  my way through that with my eyes set on acceptance to be followed with CHANGE.     I have a commitment to myself to be the best person I can be…this requires honesty with self and changing the things I can change… ME!

Last night’s dreams were indicative of the very reflections I saw in that mirror I forced on another, things from my past.     I remind myself that every person is unique.   The many facets, the idiosynchrocies, the  numerous variances from our upbringing, our experiences, the paths and scenery of our life choices.   What a beautiful, complicated, intricate process of getting to know others, thus ourselves.  Sometimes we think we are being totally honest but we’re not being honest with ourselves…. now ain’t that a pissah?

A few months ago I said to a friend “I am evolving, growing, changing”.  She said “Don’t you think everyone is?”   My reply was short, quick and honest….”No”.   Think I’ll put the focus on Me… there’s plenty of work there to do!


About anartistslife

Through the many trials, triumphs and tribulations of my life, I share my stories to help others. I share my thoughts to perhaps bring a new point of view to my readers, and I share my opinions because I just have better ideas! ♥♥! Where would we be without humor?

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