Peaceful easy feelings

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Cozied in with a ridiculous amount of animals, I wonder if I’ll become known as the “lady with all the pets”.   One dog and three cats were plenty for one single woman to feed, care for, and have hanging around when I had visitors.  Now add a needy second dog!  I yi yi.  I’m not really thrilled with this, or an unpleasant smell that I needed to find the source of this morning.  My home is far from 10 on the white glove test, but it isn’t a sty either.  My home is a reflection of me, and as a reflection of me I want my friends, my guests to feel cozy, comfy for all who enter.  Okay, maybe not all who enter, there are some people who I would rather not feel so comfortable that they stay for hours on end!   I do like, however, that my friends feel like they can take their shoes off, kick back and relax.   My home is a color filled palette with many things I love, and now…it seems, a zoo.  Some unrest here.

The rain falling outside gives me permission to relax, to rejoice in the moment.  This moment for me is filled with gratitude and hope.  Reflecting on a conversation with a friend last night regarding some of the positives of being our age.  For one, we aren’t trying to “become” someone.  We are who we are.  We may have goals we want to reach, there will always be lessons and room for growth if we are open to them, but who we are, our character, morals standards, has been cast.  It’s unlikely these will change.  There is nothing I need to prove to anyone, I feel no need to be “cool”, or to fit in, or anything close.  I love this age.

Last night I attended a 40th birthday party for a friend who lives in the town I grew up in.   In years past I probably would have avoided or not attended, not entirely sure if I understand all the reasons why, but tis true.   I believe this was partially related to my self esteem.   I have grown.   I haven’t changed, but I have grown.  I went to the party with a person whose company I enjoy very much, I connected with childhood friends and classmates, some that I had not seen in over 20-25 years.   I was happy to be there, comfortable in my own skin (warts and all), and had a good time.   The entire evening was easy, comfortable, filled with laughter and interesting conversation.  It’s so nice when we jump off the escalator of fear, anxiety and uncertainty and allow things to unfold, uncomplicated, unconsumed, uncritiqued… breathing in peacefully, no need to direct, protect or control.   This is how I try to live my life, and how I want to live my life, though sometimes I get side tracked on some rocky side roads that unfortunately steer me away from this.  Eventually I get back on track, aligned with that peaceful easy feeling.

Loving today’s rainy weather.  Just loving it!

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