I met a friend for lunch today in Greenfield. We discussed some things that are going on in my life, had a couple laughs over fond memories. “Harry”, I said… “Let’s talk about strong women”…. “Okay”, he says, as he sips on his iced tea. Harry has been one of my closest friends for 26 years or more. Being a few years older than me, he has taken on the role of “big brother” many times, but he is truly a very loyal and honest friend.
“What exactly do you want to talk about on this topic?” he asked. “Well… I believe men are attracted to strong women, but when push comes to shove, I do not believe they choose to be with them, and I want to know what your thoughts are on this. Do you think that is so? And why?” He finished eating an onion ring, takes another sip off his iced tea then replied…
“I think SOME men are intimidated by it, especially the older in age they are. Men are ‘supposed to be in charge’ so to speak, so when they see a woman who isn’t needy, while it may be attractive it may also be a bit of a turn off, because they want to be and feel needed. That isn’t true of all men, it depends on their upbringing. If their mother was a strong woman, they may look for that in a partner”.
“Okay, so describe how you see me as a strong woman?”… He smiles and says “Well of course I knew this was coming up!” and then without hesitation he replies “For one you are self aware, you know what you stand for, what you want, what you like and do not like, you know what you believe in and you are passionate about that. For another you have overcome many difficult adversities in your life, and have grown stronger from them….. and that is just off my cuff”. “Do you think I am opinionated?” I asked. “No, I wouldn’t say that at all. But if something is said against or to harm something or someone you love or believe in, you will certainly speak your mind, and THAT is not a bad thing at all Donna Marie”.
I am a survivor for sure, a fighter, I have been since childhood. Some of the challenges I have faced were self inflicted, but many are not. Were these placed in my path for my growth? Were these all part of my destiny? I wrote to a friend last night…”Yes, I am a strong woman, but this does not mean I do not want a man to wrap his arms around me so that I may fold into them. I am not about power or control, I am none the less feminine nor desiring to be in a relationship where I can and would allow the man to “be the man”, or to take over!” Strength isn’t something I have really chosen, it has been the result of my experiences. So many days I just want to be a woman who can be feminine, nurture those around her, and not feel like a neanderthal! I am strong in many ways, but in many I am not. I put on a front. I do not show my cards, nor will I until I feel totally safe. This means proven loyalty to my well being. I do not need to be the center of all, but I need to know consistently that this person cares, regardless of what is going on. In spite of arguments, disagreements, space… I know without a shadow of a doubt that this person cares about me, that they will always look out for my well being, because I know I will theirs. If someone cannot commit to that, there is no safety net, there is no table to play my cards, thus there will never be my heart extending out trust, it just will not happen. But if and when that happens, the harder sides of me soften, and as I have been called on many occasions by a man who loved me and knew me better than anyone else… “You are really a marshmallow”.
So I ask you, What does a strong marshmallow look like???