I love New England. I admit that I have never lived anywhere else. I have traveled and seen many other places and upon returning to New England a smile always comes over my face and my body starts to settle in… I am home! I love the mountains, I love that I live a couple hours from Boston and three hours from NYC. I love that I live in a small community and I absolutely love the four seasons.
One of my favorite songs is “Landslide” which was originally done by Fleetwood Mac. There is a line in this that asks “Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?”…… Powerful lines for me. The whole song has so much meaning to me but these two lines have returned to my thoughts time and time again as I have come up against challenges… and who doesn’t? To look within, to break down the walls of denial, of ego and to see yourself as you are, to take inventory as you are… powerful powerful stuff. And I am both proud and pleased to say that I have done just this. It was a long process, one that I ran from a couple of times. Who wants to look at themselves, warts and all? There is so much good that comes from this, but one beautiful gift that came to me was a a genuine love and appreciation for myself. I used to be pretty self critical, much harder on myself than Iwould ever be of someone I loved. To look at myself in totality…. both the good and not so good really helped me see myself on a balanced beam. And by the way, do you realize that your strengths also become your weaknesses and vise-versa? Smiles. For me, stubbornness becomes perseverance… My kindness and benevolence becomes passivity, naivety, making me vulnerable to prey. It’s quite interesting, really.
My life has not been easy, however, compared to others it has been a picnic. It is all relative. It is all the way you look at it. There have been seasons of joy, seasons of abundance, seasons of good health, and seasons of life threatening illnesses. Seasons of fear, of tremendous and life changing loss, of growth, of love, of learning, of depression, and seasons that I could not possibly describe. I have become better at handling the difficult winters, I have learned to reach out my hand and open my mouth and ask for the very help I have always extended to others. Who knew? lol. I still find myself driving deep into mud in Spring… self sabotage is something I have identified and am working on. It seems that I am afraid of success. Learned behavior? Fear? Or just plain fucked up? lol I don’t know… but if I am gifted with more time, I hope to master this, too. I am a person who is evolving, growing, learning, and though I would like to sail through all the changing ocean tides, it is the difficult seasons of my life that have contributed to my character and helped define who Donna is today… and I really do like who I am today.